this is hilarious
Five things I fear I might do if I were a ten-foot-tall monster with metal claws, laser beam eyes, and razor-sharp fangs
1. Undertake bloody rampage on the set of The View
2. Disembowel line-cutters at Walgreens
3. Devour double-parkers on Taraval Street (and, ironically, the Chinese takeout that doomed them to their fate)
4. Poke gentle, good-natured fun at less powerful monsters when we meet at social events
5. Keep library books well past their due date
1. Undertake bloody rampage on the set of The View
2. Disembowel line-cutters at Walgreens
3. Devour double-parkers on Taraval Street (and, ironically, the Chinese takeout that doomed them to their fate)
4. Poke gentle, good-natured fun at less powerful monsters when we meet at social events
5. Keep library books well past their due date