Fic Upgrade
The revisions I've made to improve the characterization in chapters ten and eleven of The Promise necessitated a revisit to chapter five.
My objectives in fixing this chapter were thus:
1. Deepen/strengthen Miaka's pov through dialogue and narrative characterization
2 Change certain sections of dialogue to maintain consistent pov with chapters 10 and 11
3. Clarify plot points and theme through changes in the dialogue b/t Miaka and Keisuke
4. Add interaction between Suzaku and Keisuke
5. Streamline narrative, eliminate excess use of adverbs, better ending line
Here's the result. Comments and concrit are very welcome and appreciated.
The Promise: A Tasuki and Miaka Love Story
By KittyLynne
(Please insert the usual Watase Yuu/ Shogakukan Comics/TV Toyko/Studio/Pierrot/Pioneer ownership disclaimers in this space.)
Author's note: Spoiler warning for TV episodes. Chapter Rating: 14+ (For coarse language, slight sexual innuendo)
Chapter Four: Reality Check
Keisuke handed his sister a tissue, and then waited patiently as she wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
"Feel better?" He asked.
"Much." Miaka wadded up the tissue with a grimace. "Thanks for listening and putting up with my mood. You're always there for me when I need you."
"That's what big brothers are for, didn't you know that?"
"And you're the absolute best!" Miaka threw her arms around him.
Keisuke returned the hug while feeling a sharp stab of conscience. He'd been so wrapped up in his academic struggles, he'd paid little to zero attention as to how his sister had been faring in the past few months. She'd definitely lost weight…
This couldn't go on any longer. He had to say his piece.
"I'll always try to be the best brother I can be." He stated as gently as he could. "Which is why I would be remiss if I wasn't honest, even though it might upset you."
She stiffened and leaned back to look at him. "What do you mean?"
"It pretty much starts and ends with you and Taka." Keisuke said, holding up a hand as she began to object. "Please, Sis, just hear me out!"
He expected an angry diatribe, but to his great surprise, Miaka gave in without a fuss. "I'm sorry. Please say what you have to say."
Her bleak expression alarmed him. "Never mind. You need a break, and this can wait for later."
"There's no time like the present." She managed a smile.
"It's not going to be what you want to hear."
"I understand, and I really want to hear your thoughts."
"All right." He shifted uneasily, took a breath. "You and Taka have a problem that's only going to get bigger if you don't face it head on. I think you both need to realize that the lack of honest communication between you spells big trouble." He sighed at her dubious look. "I know what you're thinking....that I've got no room to talk about relationships, not having a serious girlfriend. But what I'm seeing with you and Taka has led to break ups in all the couples I've known- including Mom and Dad. If you don't believe me, just ask Mom why they got divorced."
"But you were the one that told me the power of love could overcome all obstacles." Miaka stated sadly.
Keisuke reached out to grasp her hand. "Love did bring you and Taka together against all odds. But that's just the beginning. What happened to bring him here doesn't mean there won't be serious problems in your relationship if you can't be honest with each other. Your feelings should matter and so should your dreams!"
"They do! Why do you think I worked so hard at Yotsubadai? I wanted to attend the university!"
Keisuke's eyes narrowed. "And you wanted to be a teacher, right?"
"Yes, I want to teach more than anything! But-"
"But nothing! Have you ever told Taka how important becoming a teacher is to you?"
"N-no. But I-"
"Did you ever ask him why he didn't consult you before signing up for military training?"
Miaka frowned. "No, but he-"
"Have you told him the military was the last place you wanted to see him end up after going through fighting a war yourself?"
"No, but there's no way this country will go to war in these economic times! I understand why he picked it...there are no layoffs, and it's an occupation that will always be needed. You know money has always been important to Taka. As Tamahome, and in this world, he's never had that kind of security-"
Keisuke cut her off. "That doesn't excuse him, Miaka. As long as you two have been together, I can't remember Taka ever asking you for your opinion on decisions that would affect the both of you. You think that he's shouldering responsibility, but he's not! He's doing what he wants, and expecting you to go along with it!"
"I thought you liked him!"
"I do! He's a good guy, and a great friend, and I care about him. But you are my sister, and your welfare comes first. I've watched you grow up. I know you better than anyone else in your life, except Mom, and that's why I say that you're going to have regrets someday in not letting Taka know you're not happy about this and why! I can guarantee he'll never realize the errors he's been making unless you stand up to him!"
Miaka rubbed a hand across her eyes. "How can I?" She murmured. "I might have the regrets you say, but at least I won't be taking something away from him just because I find it inconvenient to deal with!"
"Isn't that what he's been doing with you?"
As his sister remained silent, Keisuke sighed heavily. "By keeping silent, you're going to be living a lie. Why don't you want to say anything? Are you afraid that he’ll find someone else? Someone in America?"
She stared down at her interlocked fingers. "No, I'm not afraid of that. He sacrificed everything so he could be with me as a man of this world. How could I doubt him after that?"
"Kowtowing to Taka now because of what he did for you in the book as Tamahome isn't doing anyone any good." Keisuke stated, giving her a hard stare as she quickly looked up. "If we're talking about past obligations here, I would say that you were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for both Tamahome and Taka on more than one occasion. You were willing to give your life for each of them, so why couldn't they give that life back to you by discussing the decisions they have made that involve your joint futures?"
"I...I don't know, when you put it that way."
"Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't ever make concessions- just that you shouldn't have to make all of them! Talking things out...give and take...isn't that what makes a good partnership?"
"Yes."
As a fresh round of tears welled in his sister's eyes, Keisuke decided to ease up. "I'm sorry for being harsh. Maybe it comes from having to stand by too many times while you went through hell." Putting an arm about her shoulders, he drew her to him. "You always give the very best of yourself, Miaka, and that's what I want for you in return. The best."
Miaka hiccupped, and reached for a second tissue. "I... I know you do. I'm sorry for being a crybaby. And I promise to think on what you've said before I make any decision." She sniffled, then dabbed the dampness from her cheeks. "Wouldn't it be nice to have something like Taiits-kun's mirror to guide us to the right choice?"
"Yeah, that would be nice." Keisuke sighed, then smirked. "Although, I don't need a mirror of divination to know what Taka is gonna be doing for the next six months- taking daily cold showers, and counting the days until he'll be able to make you an official member of the 'Mile High Club'- OW!"
"You idiot!" Miaka exclaimed, giggling. "You remind me of Tasuki when you say things like that!"
"And I'm glad to see my sis hasn't lost her killer right!" Keisuke retorted, playfully rubbing his arm where she'd slugged it. "Speaking of Tasuki," he went on, "I've been wanting to ask you what happened to him. I mean, he was a good guy...and after being on the right side of the law, I'd say going back to runnning a bandit gang would be problematic-" His voice broke off as his sibling's mouth abruptly curved downward. "What? What's the matter?"
"I don't know how or what he's doing." She murmured. "I haven't for a long time."
Keisuke made a dismissive gesture, angry with himself for bringing up the subject. "Ah, I wouldn't worry. You know Chichiri's still around with that awesome magic, and Tasuki's got the tessen... and even if he didn't, that's one guy who can definitely take care of himself!"
SSSSSSSS
It was with an effort that Miaka held her tongue. Her concerns about her seishi were very real, but not realistic when it came to being able to act on them. To confess her worries to her brother wouldn't help, and would only cause him more trouble.
Bittersweet feelings arose within her whenever she thought of her last time in the book; pleasure mixed with confusion and guilt over not being able to resolve the problem of Tasuki in the three years since she'd left him. The victory over Tenkou should have given satisfaction and closure. Instead, the events leading up to it had left her unable to come to terms with the feelings she'd developed regarding the entire situation.
He told me to go with a beautiful smile on his face, but his eyes looked so sad- I'm sure that's because of what happened with him and me. If only I could have found a way to let him know how I felt...
Her conscience rebuked her, as it always did. And just what is it that I felt? I don't even know what it was, so how could I do anything to save him from the hurt?
She'd never shared these particular feelings with anyone, not even Yui-chan. Sweet and painful, the secret would remain safely hidden in her heart and in the harmless dreams that warmed the nights she spent alone. Fueled by good memories of their friendship, her admiration for him and a matured viewpoint on his actions, her feelings for the bandit had shifted towards something she was loath to analyze too deeply. It was too late for second guesses, and there wasn't any point in dragging up one more thing to increase her dissatisfaction with how things had been going in her life.
I have Taka. He'll make me happy. Silently, she repeated the mantra that had kept all doubts in check for the last three years, but could find no reassurance in it. A strange and restless spirit was growing and continuing to prod her with unanswered questions about the past, even as her conscience kicked her for her doubts about the present. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, and she was glad that Keisuke chose that moment to interrupt her thoughts.
"So, Miaka, I take it you've quit reading about them in the scroll Taiits-kun gave you?"
"That's right." She admitted. "I haven't opened it since the day I found out the others had finally been reborn."
"Why not? There's no danger in opening it since you've successfully completed your duties as Priestess, right?"
"That's right. But I haven't because it was still upsetting Taka."
"I...see." Keisuke was looking serious once more. "Did he say that it was?"
"Not directly. But I took it that he was when I gave him the news about Chiriko, Nuriko, Mitsukake and Hotohori being born into new bodies, and he said that he was glad, because it meant it was time for us to move on like they had."
"I have noticed Taka hasn't wanted to talk about the book since the fall of Tenkou." Keisuke remarked. "So you've quit reading it altogether?"
"Yes." Miaka confirmed ruefully. "But ever since he left for basic training, I've been really tempted to go sneak a peek."
"Understandable." Her brother said. "But you haven't, right?"
"I come close to looking, but I chicken out every time." She confessed. "That's part of the reason I gave you the scroll. It's not just for safekeeping, it's because I'm a terrible liar, and if I read that Chichiri or Tasuki were in trouble, I'd be going crazy knowing it 's not possible for me to help them." Her smile was weak as she added, "and that's also why I'm not sure it's a good thing that I discovered a way to check on them that didn't involve the book or the scroll."
Keisuke was wide-eyed. "How's that work?"
"You know there's a connection between the priestess and her guardians, right? Well, it seems I've retained the ability to sense their life forces on this side. I don't know what Tasuki and Chichiri are doing or exactly where they are, but if I concentrate on our connection through the pictures I have, I can definitely feel their chi. They both seem to be in strong health."
At hearing this revelation, Keisuke frowned deeply. He was glad to hear things were all right, but what did maintaining that connection mean for the future? Maybe Taka was right in worrying about it; something in his sister's face and tone told him that she would rather have made the contact with her surviving warriors in person.
"I'm glad they're doing well. They're great guys, both of them." He murmured, stalling for time. He needed to think about this, or he'd end up putting his foot in his mouth. Pushing himself to his feet, he added, "talking's made me thirsty, I'm gonna go get a beer. You want anything?"
"No thank you. I'll wait until Yui and Tetsuya get back."
After blinking in astonishment at her refusal, Keisuke wandered off to the kitchen. It was probably just as well she didn't want a snack, he thought wryly, as he opened the refrigerator and scanned its mostly empty shelves. Grabbing a beer, he called out over the door, "I think I know why Taka said that. Have you ever thought that maybe Suzaku could bring you back? You helped seal away Tenkou, but you never got a chance to see the end result. That could be considered unfinished business."
Miaka's smile was wistful. If she'd followed her initial impulse, she would have been living in Konan and known how her friends were faring.
"I've wondered about that," she called back, "but I don't see how it would happen. I've used up all my wishes, and Taiits-kun said the cycle of priestesses was at an end after my duties were fullfilled. I don't know if I could help if any other dangers arose." Even knowing that, I'd try to do something. She added to herself. Chichiri and Tasuki and the reborn seishi are still there. As long as I live, I am their priestess and their friend, and I 'll always honor those commitments. If only I could do something for them in return for all they did for me...
The thought broke off as an idea sprang to mind; although common sense told her that it was too much to hope for, her heart was insisting that it couldn't hurt to try. Shutting her eyes and clasping her hands, Miaka offered a silent prayer on the chance that it might somehow pass through the realm of time and space and be heard by Konan's patron god.
Great Suzaku, I'm so very grateful for all you have done for me...for us. I have no right to ask this… but I would so like to see my friends again, just to make sure they're all right. Is that possible?"
She paused, thinking hard. It seemed so selfish to ask for something without giving in return, and she put that thought into her prayer.
If I could do something for you in return, could you grant me that wish? I gladly offer myself in your service.
As she ended the supplication, heat surged through her body. Though the sensation was familiar, it wasn't nearly as intrusive as the last time she'd experienced it. Instead of overwhelming her, it had the effect of a soothing soak in a hot spring; easing her tautly strung nerves, while calming her turbulent emotions.
Miaka smiled. The connection she had with Suzaku was very much alive, and, in fact, stronger than ever.
And getting stronger by the second.
Green eyes widened with comprehension, just before a brilliant red light filled the room. "Oh!"
At the sound of his sister's startled outcry, Keisuke turned from the fridge, and then promptly dropped his unopened beer and a container of leftovers.
"Miaka! What the hell is that?" He exclaimed, even though he had a sinking feeling that he knew.
Miaka didn't answer; she was lost in the wonder of seeing the magnificent phoenix that had materialized directly in front of her. When the bird changed form to that of a very tall and muscular scarlet-haired man, she slid off the sofa and knelt, touching her forehead to the floor in reverent homage to the Konanese god of love and fire.
"Suzaku-sekun! You honor us with your presence!" She spoke loudly, trying to be heard over her thundering heartbeats. "Thank you for responding to my prayer!"
What prayer? Why was she praying? The questions were screaming to be asked, but Keisuke held his tongue, not wanting to incur the ire of his sister or the displeasure of the god standing in the middle of his living room in all his shimmering glory. Me and my big mouth! I shouldn't have said his name...
"Rise, my Priestess!" The god spoke in a low, melodious voice. "There is no need to humble yourself before me. I promised that I would never forsake you, did I not?"
"Yes, Suzaku-sekun." She responded, obediently getting to her feet. "And I promised I would never forsake you or my friends in Konan-" As a thought struck her, she gasped and paled. "What has happened? Tasuki- Chichiri- "
"Do not be concerned." Suzaku told her kindly. "They and the reborn ones are alive and well. The peace you brought to our lands has held, yet I am here because our world still has great need of you. Could you find it in your heart to aid us once again, my Priestess?"
Miaka started to agree, but immediately stifled the response after a quick glance at her scowling sibling.
Keisuke, who had been about to lodge a protest, was stopped cold by the longing and sadness in his sister's expression.
She had wished for this meeting, and this chance...but was ready to give it up if he objected.
And how hypocritical it was for him to object! Hadn't he just spent the last few minutes lecturing her about Taka's insensitivity to what she wanted? Telling her she couldn't go or making her feel guilty about it would undermine everything he had just said to Miaka about asserting herself. This is a good chance for her to see what she can do when she's out on her own. She's got to wait on Taka for six months regardless, so where's the harm?
"Keisuke?"
He spoke the words before he could talk himself out of uttering them. "Don't look at me! This is your choice to make!"
Miaka's eyes were bright with love and joy as she smiled at her brother. True to his words, Keisuke had just cleared the way for her to assume control of her own life. This was the way to do it, and there was no doubt that she would, although it meant putting her cozy, well ordered life into a state of flux for awhile. Taka, this is the way it has to be. I made a commitment to the people of Konan, and I intend to keep it.
Her expression was serene as she put her hands together and gave a low bow. "My life is in your service, O Suzaku-sekun. What would you require of me?"
"If you will permit it, I will return you to Taiits-kun, who will explain what is required." The Phoenix-god replied.
"I understand, and will do as you ask."
"I also ask you to consider your response to what she will ask of you. Your promise is irrevocable, and will change the course of other lives besides your own.”
Keisuke was hovering somewhere between awe and outright panic. What the hell does that mean, irrevocable? This priestess thing wasn't supposed to be a permanent gig! He's not going to try to mate with her again or anything, is he? I mean, he's a god of mythological proportions, and she's a human...
But it was too late for second guessing. She had already risen to her feet and came forward to wrap him up in a tight hug.
He had no choice but to believe Miaka would do the right thing.
"Keisuke, if I have to be gone for awhile, would you explain to Taka what happened and tell him that I'll contact him as soon as I get back? And Yui too?"
"Of course." He promised in a voice made thick by his emotions. "And I'll keep tabs on you through the scroll."
Releasing her, he backed away, shading his eyes as the phoenix spread its wings and the dazzling red light surrounding his sister grew more intense.
"Lasting peace or not, you need to be extra careful!" He shouted, then gasped at hearing a reply reasonate in the space between his ears.
Suzaku's voice was tranquil and modulated.
Do not worry. She is going to a safe place.
Easy for you to say. Keisuke thought. You're a god.
The voice sounded amused as it replied. Point taken. But I speak the truth. It's your choice whether to believe...or not.
Fair enough.
Celestial wings fluttered outwards, then folded inward to envelop Miaka's body in a protective cocoon.
She looks like an angel, Keisuke thought.
An apt analogy. Suzaku agreed.
The forms of the bird god and his priestess were starting to grow transparent. Be well, brother of my priestess. She shall return when the time is right.
"I will be back, Keisuke!" Miaka called, her voice sounding as if she were inside a tunnel. "I love you…"
"I love you too, Sis!" Keisuke yelled into the opening void, then put an arm across his eyes to guard against the blinding flash of light that followed.
Seconds later it had dissipated, and he could see that his sister and Suzaku had been replaced by a panting Tetsuya and Yui, who had finally noticed the crimson aura surrounding the building, and had run back to the apartment find out what was going on.
"Is that what I thought-" Tetsuya began.
"Was that-" Yui gasped at the same time.
"Yeah, Suzaku took Miaka back to the book world." Keisuke confirmed, with calmness he was light years from feeling. "And I decided I'm not in the mood for takeout chicken. Would you go shut the door, and dig up Taiits-kun’s scroll while I order us a pizza?"
To Be Continued!