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There was an angrier post.
I posted it privately, so that I'll always remember how angry I was at you. How angry I am at you now.
It comes and goes and obviously life is easier when I'm not but at the end of the day...
...I never want to forget that anger.
...and yet it still took me weeks to post this.
I knew that as soon as I did, I'd be burning the other half of the bridge you lit on fire when you left. Now, after the sadness and grief, I've doused it in anger and I'm holding the flame.
This is what keeps the nostalgia at bay. What allows me to listen to music and not fall apart. What protects me from the pain caused by the only person I honestly trusted to never hurt me this way.
I never want you anywhere near my heart because of what you both did.
I blame her, but I hate you.
I hope to never see you again. Never think about you again.
You were supposed to be different than the others, but you ended up being just like all of them. Dishonest. Selfish. Cowardly. You're the last person who's going to use me up and toss me aside like that. I'll never see you as anything more than one of them.
It may take as many years, but I long for the day that I forget what it felt like to love you. Every now and then right now, it stabs me for a second like a knife and I hate myself for it.
But I'm good at forgetting. I have never been good at forgiving. That is something you can never hope for.
I hope, with time, I can learn to trust again where I should have never trusted you.
...and then I can tell myself not to ride along with you.