Comfort
For the first time since I started dating Devon, I spent the night at someone else's place.
More accurately, we stayed up all night at Matt's, and in the morning, I went home with Pedicab M, because by then it was 6am and I was lazy.
It was really nice. His room is more a cosy nook than a bedroom, and I felt blessedly comfortable there (a sharp contrast to the nervousness and awkwardness of our last evening together).
We smoked up and we cuddled and we spent our morning enjoying each other's company. I stole a couple glances at him while he slept and I read, and I realised how completely content I was. I felt like a different person.
He says so many complimentary things, I don't know how to react. I become so bashful, when he looks at me the way he does. He's so vocal about beauty when he sees it. I can't help but feel so gorgeous when I'm around him. Being with him is truly an experience. These are the moments that I can lock away forever. Warm sunlight streaming through his window, blessing our skin with its warmth...
But at the same time, I felt so liberated by the fact that my heart wasn't imprinting feelings on him, that weren't supposed to be there. I could simply enjoy his company, without fear of emotions complicating things. Yesterday was the moment where I really felt like this might actually work.
I love the fun. We joke, we fall into a heap. There's frank discussion, there's good friendship, there's laughter, and there's sex. It's all I ever wanted.
He was quiet when we ventured out for food, and I'll chalk it up to both of us being baked, but I still worried things were amiss. I am such a worrier.
Usually, I would be pining for the next time. But honestly, I'm staying true to the idea that every time might very well be the last. He's by no means tethered to me and any day he could tell me things are over. Refreshingly, this doesn't bother me at all. I know he'll always be around as a friend and all I want for him, is to find happiness and love with someone who deserves him. Until that time, I'm happy to keep his body warm.
More accurately, we stayed up all night at Matt's, and in the morning, I went home with Pedicab M, because by then it was 6am and I was lazy.
It was really nice. His room is more a cosy nook than a bedroom, and I felt blessedly comfortable there (a sharp contrast to the nervousness and awkwardness of our last evening together).
We smoked up and we cuddled and we spent our morning enjoying each other's company. I stole a couple glances at him while he slept and I read, and I realised how completely content I was. I felt like a different person.
He says so many complimentary things, I don't know how to react. I become so bashful, when he looks at me the way he does. He's so vocal about beauty when he sees it. I can't help but feel so gorgeous when I'm around him. Being with him is truly an experience. These are the moments that I can lock away forever. Warm sunlight streaming through his window, blessing our skin with its warmth...
But at the same time, I felt so liberated by the fact that my heart wasn't imprinting feelings on him, that weren't supposed to be there. I could simply enjoy his company, without fear of emotions complicating things. Yesterday was the moment where I really felt like this might actually work.
I love the fun. We joke, we fall into a heap. There's frank discussion, there's good friendship, there's laughter, and there's sex. It's all I ever wanted.
He was quiet when we ventured out for food, and I'll chalk it up to both of us being baked, but I still worried things were amiss. I am such a worrier.
Usually, I would be pining for the next time. But honestly, I'm staying true to the idea that every time might very well be the last. He's by no means tethered to me and any day he could tell me things are over. Refreshingly, this doesn't bother me at all. I know he'll always be around as a friend and all I want for him, is to find happiness and love with someone who deserves him. Until that time, I'm happy to keep his body warm.