Energy.
I feel good for the first time in years. It’s so weird to wake up and not feel like shit. So weird to not be worrying about when the next bout of pain/indigestion is going to hit me. I enjoy it.
I don’t know what it is, but something has clicked in my mind, and I have confidence. I’m really hoping that maybe it’s just that I feel better, that even when I wean off these steroids and sleeping pills that the confidence will stay. I can walk into a roomful of people right now without intense feelings of being stared at or judged. Please, please, PLEASE don’t let this be triggered manic-depression, I really like not being so fucking paranoid all the time.
Just how confident am I?
I walked around town yesterday in just my rockabilly cherry halter dress and platform tennis shoes. (Dorky, I know.) No sweatshirt, no big black boots to hide my legs. I felt fine. I wasn’t worried about being stared at. If you actually.know me, you would know that this is practically a miracle, because truth be told, with the exception of concerts, I haven’t left my house without my sweatshirt on in about three years.
I’m losing weight rapidly. I think my metabolism is going sky high. I’m never hungry. I am forcing myself to eat and hit the 1,200 calorie mark each day. I have 3 huge packs of cookies, a pack of chocolate wafers, and a bag of peanut butter cups sitting on the kitchen, and I don’t even want them. (There was a cookie sale at RiteAid, 10c for two dozen. I am a consumer whore.)
Yesterday I went to get my MSI pictures developed. For some reason, they didn’t even show up on the film. Luckily, the lady noticed this before she went to develop the negatives, so I didn’t get charged. I’m kind of sad, though, I had a picture with Jimmy and one with Lyn-Z, and some great up close shots of the show.
I saw Danny at Fred Meyer’s. Tiffaney and I had an hour to kill, so we followed him around and played with his brand new light saber. I tried to make this speak-and-spell bear in the toy section swear, but it wouldn’t do it. Asshole. Danny gave me another awesome card he and Amy made. It has this step aerobics instructor in all these funny poses with great headings such as “Cunt buster” and “What’s the biggest thing you put in your butt?”
Haha, Danny. I love you. We will send Amy to the prison so she can get pregnant.
I don’t know what it is, but something has clicked in my mind, and I have confidence. I’m really hoping that maybe it’s just that I feel better, that even when I wean off these steroids and sleeping pills that the confidence will stay. I can walk into a roomful of people right now without intense feelings of being stared at or judged. Please, please, PLEASE don’t let this be triggered manic-depression, I really like not being so fucking paranoid all the time.
Just how confident am I?
I walked around town yesterday in just my rockabilly cherry halter dress and platform tennis shoes. (Dorky, I know.) No sweatshirt, no big black boots to hide my legs. I felt fine. I wasn’t worried about being stared at. If you actually.know me, you would know that this is practically a miracle, because truth be told, with the exception of concerts, I haven’t left my house without my sweatshirt on in about three years.
I’m losing weight rapidly. I think my metabolism is going sky high. I’m never hungry. I am forcing myself to eat and hit the 1,200 calorie mark each day. I have 3 huge packs of cookies, a pack of chocolate wafers, and a bag of peanut butter cups sitting on the kitchen, and I don’t even want them. (There was a cookie sale at RiteAid, 10c for two dozen. I am a consumer whore.)
Yesterday I went to get my MSI pictures developed. For some reason, they didn’t even show up on the film. Luckily, the lady noticed this before she went to develop the negatives, so I didn’t get charged. I’m kind of sad, though, I had a picture with Jimmy and one with Lyn-Z, and some great up close shots of the show.
I saw Danny at Fred Meyer’s. Tiffaney and I had an hour to kill, so we followed him around and played with his brand new light saber. I tried to make this speak-and-spell bear in the toy section swear, but it wouldn’t do it. Asshole. Danny gave me another awesome card he and Amy made. It has this step aerobics instructor in all these funny poses with great headings such as “Cunt buster” and “What’s the biggest thing you put in your butt?”
Haha, Danny. I love you. We will send Amy to the prison so she can get pregnant.