talk
So it's getting to the second point in the relationship where I freak out a bit. Next month it'll be our five month and I believe that we'll be together for a very long time, but my last relationship barely made it to six months. My relationships either last two months or five. So I always get a little worried around those times. I'm still insecure with myself and believe karma is always on my ass. I'm getting better at believing I deserve love and happiness, but the faith factor has never fully been there. My trust is completely in it along with my heart, but with those two main things completely in the pot it's a little frightening. I'm scared of getting hurt and being heart broken yet again. I know Matty's different and I love him for that, but with my heart on the line it's the same in my eyes. I don't mean to sabotage my relationships, but when I get the feeling that things are off course or the anxiety sets in I begin to pull away. I'd rather get out before I can get fully hurt. It's not the healthiest thing, but compared to my past relationships they haven't been all that healthy either. Also it doesn't help that the majority of the relationships that I've seen my loved ones in fall apart it makes the anxiety higher.
I just don't want to end up disappointed and most relationships have a common theme or two. The one thing that irks me is when he chooses to hang out with his friends over me and then admits that he should have hung out with me or that he misses me. I can understand if you're out of state or your swamped with work/school and you miss someone, but if you have the option to see that person then see them. I've done the same thing so I can't judge, but it drives me insane. It's just I hate when people say they miss/love someone out of guilt or they feel that's what they should say. Only say it if you mean it, but not if it's a way out for you. Of course I eat it up or feel bad for being mad or letting it bother me when he says I love/miss you because I love him and I most likely miss him too. I need to talk to him about this because it's been eating at me for a month or so.
I don't mind that he hangs out with his friends or needs alone time, but when the majority of our alone time is spent in the bedroom that doesn't sit well with me. Yes we've had the dinner/bar night by ourselves and when we both were unemployed we spent pretty much every day together, but when it seems like he's making it a priority to see his friends and I'm an option it bothers me. During the week and weekend he always sees his friends. I sometimes see him during the week and if I do it's at 2 am or sometimes Wednesdays. The weekends I'll most likely see him, but it's always with his friends. I hate complaining and I probably sound like a stupid girlfriend, but because it's been bottled up it's coming out in heaps and heaps.
Lately I have enjoyed my girls' nights or having time to myself and I know once I start a full time job I'll be going out a lot more even shopping by myself, but because that's not the situation every little thing is irritating me. Also my hormones have been 24/7 lately even after Aunt Flo has come and gone. I need a hobby or something. Like always this will pass and I'll hopefully stop being a stupid girl.
Let's hope
I just don't want to end up disappointed and most relationships have a common theme or two. The one thing that irks me is when he chooses to hang out with his friends over me and then admits that he should have hung out with me or that he misses me. I can understand if you're out of state or your swamped with work/school and you miss someone, but if you have the option to see that person then see them. I've done the same thing so I can't judge, but it drives me insane. It's just I hate when people say they miss/love someone out of guilt or they feel that's what they should say. Only say it if you mean it, but not if it's a way out for you. Of course I eat it up or feel bad for being mad or letting it bother me when he says I love/miss you because I love him and I most likely miss him too. I need to talk to him about this because it's been eating at me for a month or so.
I don't mind that he hangs out with his friends or needs alone time, but when the majority of our alone time is spent in the bedroom that doesn't sit well with me. Yes we've had the dinner/bar night by ourselves and when we both were unemployed we spent pretty much every day together, but when it seems like he's making it a priority to see his friends and I'm an option it bothers me. During the week and weekend he always sees his friends. I sometimes see him during the week and if I do it's at 2 am or sometimes Wednesdays. The weekends I'll most likely see him, but it's always with his friends. I hate complaining and I probably sound like a stupid girlfriend, but because it's been bottled up it's coming out in heaps and heaps.
Lately I have enjoyed my girls' nights or having time to myself and I know once I start a full time job I'll be going out a lot more even shopping by myself, but because that's not the situation every little thing is irritating me. Also my hormones have been 24/7 lately even after Aunt Flo has come and gone. I need a hobby or something. Like always this will pass and I'll hopefully stop being a stupid girl.
Let's hope