(no subject)
uhh...life is a mess right now. im at that place where i have carefully constructed life so that everything seems perfect. then, one thing crumbles & it's all going downhill. i just wish that i could go back to like the beginning of last summer & just stay there. i was so happy. & now it just sucks & i cant do anything about it which sucks even more. and i just...i dont even know what to do. everything has come crashing down & let me feeling lost, upset, depressed, & all around crappy. i just dont know what to do anymore. so much pressure is building up & i just dont know how much more i can handle before i crack more than i already have. & theres no one here (like in ohio) that can help keep me from cracking anymore. and thats part of my problem. i just feel so alone. so empty. if i came completely honest with myself & everything i would say that it was the thoughts of what might have been that are killing me the most. ive lost a large chunk of my life that i cant ever get back. not at least in the same way. and it hurts. a lot. id seriously rather break up with glen again (& we all know how well that went). id rather be in that spot than the spot im in now. seriously. if i could just up & leave all this & actually feel better, i would. but i cant cause i know that would just hurt even more.