its a strange thing, it really is

[bandersnatch125]

so this morning i was awaken at 622am to the best thing ever. now, u may ask whats so great about being awake that early in the morning but ill tell ya, if i can get woken up like that every day, i dont care what time it is. nothing beats the sweetness of someone stroking ur arm & kissing u saying honey its time to get up. to never be without it again. to wonder how i coulda been so stupid before, to think that i almost threw all this away. i honestly dont deserve it. some people may find us a very strange pair but only we know what really goes on & how we really feel. i mean, some ppl think hes odd bc hes so flighty & bc he'll say anything. but honestly, it doesnt bother me. ok lemme take that back, it bothers me a little when i dont hear from him at once a day but thats about it. he hasnt actually forgotten ME yet which is good:) & when i dont hear from him, i dont freak out that hes donig something bad bc i know hes not. yes, hes not perfect & he has made some mistakes but i like him all the more for it. & i have no idea how my parents will react to his uhhh...randomness? im gunna give him a few words of advice...ie-take ur medicine so u can focus!!!!!!!!!! :) but honestly, i love just being with him. even if we arent like talking to each other or next to each other, its great just being in the same room as him & knowing that he's there. like last night, he, me, & his grandmother were sitting in the living room watching the news. she was in a recliner, i was curled up in the armchair reading for class, & he was across the room on the couch playing the equivalent of computer DDR. i loved it. i was half reading half watching the news while also talking to his grandmother. i wasnt talknig to him but it was just so homelike & natural to be there. & then his sister was watching a movie with us & it was perfectly normal like. now after she left & everyone else had gone to bed, i was beseeched to move but hey;) but yah, its so much fun just being there in his house with him. & i love his mom & his grandmother & his sister. like, i hope that we last just bc i like his sister so much & im really excited that shes coming here next year. & this morning i was sitting at breakfast talknig to his mom & it was jsut the two of us. they treat me like family & i like it. so wonderful, like going home only more relaxed. im having a gret easter by the way:) & i think im falling even deeper...hitting a very scary point for me. im feeling like im in love & im really scared to be here bc well, love isnt easy & love hurts sometimes. & i cant afford more pain like that. so like, my guard is still up yet its slowly being pulled down...but i feel like im playing tug of war bc i want it to stay up so i dont get hurt yet theres that persistence pulling it down. i trust him. theres not much more i can say bc for anyone who knows me, thats enough. its been so long. bye all, have a wonderful Easter & remember why we celebrate it:) happy days that is!

oh & by the way, my current music is awesome. it fits sooo well right now. ya'll should check it out. deep, beautiful, yet slightly sad at the same time. it's so addicting...kinda like straylight run:)