warning...could get R rated;)
so i just got back from one of the greatest half weekends ever. no joke...i feel so much happier & lighter. maybe its cause i had a good dose of my guy;) a very good dose;) nothing bad happened! but oooh man!!! what did happen! how strange is it that, i wouldve felt weird doing some of the stuff with glen after 5 months but after a month with sam i didnt feel weird at all? maybe it shows some maturity & whatnot. but oooo it was just what i needed! & then the random conversations that went on! wow...ill never look at the trumpet again without laughing. yah, minds of tired college age students at 430am are very ummm yah... but yah. it was a good weekend. & just seeing him in his home & seeing how much more relaxed he is made me happier too. cause here hes so tired & uptight that yah...i dont think hes his normal self. & he was so much more focused on me. & ahh...ive decided that i like the bottom best;) tops ok but i just fit better on the bottom. lol we had a discussion about submission/domination. & he was like would u rather be completely submissive or completely in control. i said that id rather be completely in control but that i preferred bottom & i could control just as well from there;) to which he laughed & kissed me. ah yes & i dont think im going to do my shrinking exercises anymore...but yah. ahhhhh so i dont wanna go home for spring break! its gunna be a long, lonely, & bitter 9 days! i wish i could come back earlier but i cant because i have to work saturday night. blah, i dont wanna go home at all:( im not going home for easter. ill either go to sams or to beckys. im just really tired of driving & being away from everyone. & i mean, delaware is not a fun place anymore. whats the point in me being home for four days? i dont wanna leave my boy again:( i dont want to think about this summer at all. ah!!! i wanna get married! every day im more & more convinced of it! & last night i was like lying there & i could totally see being there for the rest of my life next to him. & im getting butterflies now. you guys, the butterflies have finally started in. they were really active yesterday. & then it was interesting, his mom was talking about her & his dad & all that stuff. & love. she was talking about love & i wanted to tell her so badly that i thought i loved her son & i never wanted to have to leave him ever again but i didnt cause i dont think a mother wants to hear that lol. but when she was talking about true love & that sometimes it has interesting surprises & yah. i know that...i believe it. but im willing to weather anything. however, HE thinks love is a bunch of hooey. how do i change that??? i guess its because of what happened with his dad & he just doesnt want that to happen to him. well, im not gunna say it before he says it but i wish that something would speak to him. but i dont want to rush him cause i want him to know for himself that this is love. but u know, im a dedicated super girlfriend. thats gotta be something right there. & he sings me love songs about everything. like he was singing something (im not even sure what now lol) & i was driving & he took my hand when he said something about love. cmon, y are guys so strange? like i feel funny bc i think my feelings run deeper than his, or at least they show more. & he was so excited to take me to see some people at his school. like, this one girl, he just called her name & raised our hands & she just gave him this look of total surprise. then apparently his sister (who is a sweetheart, i really like her & im excited shes coming here next year) has been talking about me to some of the badn ppl so they knew about me. & i was introduced to so many people, school people, friends, family friends, random people! his mom called me his friend which was really funny. but he was like this is my girlfriend. so yah, it was awesome. i cant wait to take him home & say the same thing to my friends. but i didnt feel like a trophy as ive heard some people in those situations do. i just felt like well, me. so yah...i dunno, we shall just wait & see. oh & today is letter day...i should get my RA letter in the mail. im really nervous. i wasnt nervous at all during the meetings & whatnot. but im really really scared now. like really scared. what if i dont get it? my friends have been hyping me up sooo much bc they're sure ill get it but what if i dont? im gunna feel really sad & not want to be around anyone. so, we shall see. really very nervewracking this whole thing is. ive just gotta remember that God is in control. whatever happens is in His power & itll work out as He wants it. if i get it, great, if i dont, oh well. He's got other plans for me. so yah, anyway, im tired so im off to bed. night all, have a lovely week. & im sorry if this was a bit TMI for u at points;)