shoot me, im evil
well, despite last entry where i said i didnt kiss random guys, i guess i lied. i feel sooo awful now. i kissed him. uh huh, i kissed trey. actually, he kissed me but i responded. not just once either...several times, not long but several times. i feel soooooo bad now. i wish i could go back and undo it. i knew he liked me but i couldve just ignored it & been stronger! but no, i had to give in...i let him hold me & kiss me. i played him & i feel so wrong. i didnt want to, it just happened. i was hungry for it bc i miss sean & i let that get the better of my good judgement. argh! i just want to kick myself for being so mean! bc i dont like him...not like that. hes like, a brother of a sort. someone fun to talk to, someone to make me laugh, but not someone to love. or at least, not for me to love. stupid me...stupid stupid me. tomorrow cant come soon enough...i just want to get as far away from this as possible...as far away from him. & i feel bad bc i just wanted sean...i wanted his kiss to be the last one i remember. i wanted to come back at Christmastime & say that i hadnt kissed anyone since him. but i cant bc im a darn idiot. gar...if i wasnt me, i would hate myself. argh...i feel so evil & bad & I FEEL LIKE A SLUT!>:O