forever & a day...plus a few

[bandersnatch125]

its been a while since i updated. so much drama has taken place. im on a really bad emotional roller coaster right now & im not sure what to do about it. its like, some days everything is fine & other days, everything has gone to pot. i dont even know where to start explaining. i guess i should start with my week & whatnot, huh? well...since my last update was the 14...which was a saturday, i dont need to xplain about sean. or at least, i dont need to explain that we went out twice & had fun & i like him, he likes me & were just gonig really slowly with it all bc neither of us want a serious relationship right now. but i do wish he would talk to me tonight for freakin pitys sake! i need to tell him some stuff but i dont wanna bug by sending him an email...bc im not that type. but today was my day off & i did tell him i would talk to my mother today about us...or at least start the process of it. & i did. i didnt mention anything specifically cept i did talk about him a lot & the fact that we talk a lot & have had good convos & a whole lotta stuff like that. i chickened out on telling her that we liked each other. but neway, i really wanna talk to him & i really miss him right now. i finished at the gap yesterday & im kinda glad...altho ill miss the ppl there & all. i got my pic taken with shana & then one with chris. tehee funness! my last day of friendlys is the 26 & i think im only working one day that week so yah. im glad to be leaving that place, too much crap going on with ppl there...dont really wanna get into it except im a little mad at bill right now bc hes an ass. but lets not go into that, im almost done til christmas. so neway, thats the update on that. but theres so much drama going on within me right now...i dont know what to do. ok, last week i was on such a high from sean that i decided to write glen & say that i wasnt mad anymore & we could be friends again. apparently he was happy by that...made his day. well, now im wondering y. im over him romantically, but i still am not sure if i can have him for a friend since we had so much history between us. i know if we could be friends again, it would be nice for all of our mutual friends. but i dont know if i can. i was trying to explain it all to melissa the other day & she thinks i still have feelings for him. but how can i? i mean, he asked cait if i was worknig at the gap yesterday & she was like i dont know. he wanted to stop by & say goodbye before i left. dude, i panicked...if he had done that...i wouldve been a wreck. even if i dont like him anymore, theres still so much shit that altho ive forgiven, i havent forgotten. ive heard his & tammys relationship is a sham...thats sad but not bc i think he woulda been better with me. actually, im glad he broke up with me bc if he hadnt, we woulda still been dating & i never wouldve gotten to know sean. & that wouldve been sad. so thank you glen for doing me a favor. but i still am not sure that i want to see him again. im just messed up right now i dont even know whats wrong. i need a hug...from a guy...a nice guy that wraps his arms all the way around me & tells me everything is going to be ok. yah, i woke up the other morning cold, alone & not in my bed...freaky huh? i was on the couch in the living room, my blanket had come off & stiche was on the ground:-P so yah, im just soo mixed up right now with feelings...i want to talk to sean cause i think he could help me a little but hes not freakin on!! & i miss him! i knew he was gunna go away to school & forget me!! even if chris did say that he could be persuaded to something serious;) im hoping...we shall see...hmmmmmm...neway, i just really need to sort some stuff out bc i dunno what to think. sigh...life sucks...

on to better news, today was my first day off since the 22 of july & i had a great day. saw my sisterinlaw & my niece...she is soooooo cute!!!!! i love her sooo much, shes great:) all smiley & whatnot:) tehee...