I'm dead to the world
Shane is gone so i am sitting here all alone. I can't believe he volunteered to go 20 hours away to pick up Mike. I am going to kick his ass the next time he volunteers to do something crazy like that. I am very scared of being here alone...but I have to do this. I am a big girl, but that doesn't mean I like it. I am like soo lonely right now. He'll be back Monday, but I really wish he was here right now.
I talked to Lee last night. I can't believe him and Crystal only made it 1 year. I can't believe I hardly knew her. It really hurts to know that someone I considered to be my best friend wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. What really floored me was that Lee actually tracked me down because he was hoping to find me single. I don't know if I could actually date him or not. I'm kinda used to being a musicians girlfriend. I like him on stage rocking out, expressing himself the only way he knows how. I feel just as proud as he does when people talk about him doing great on stage. Lee is more of the thug type, I'm not really into that. I'm sure he is a great guy, but I can't really see myself dating him, plus i am like head over heels for Shane. I want Shane to get on stage again so I can have that proud feeling again. I wanna marry him and I know I am supposed to. I am hoping when he comes back from his trip that he will have a little bit of a clearer head about where we stand on things. I want him to have his dreams, as well as me having some of my own come to fruition. I am not exactly sure what I want out of life by the time I turn 30. I keep trying to think about it, but I always end up confused and depressed cause I can't figure it out. I'll try to work it out in my journal.
Tomorrow I am going out with Christy and her soon to be sister in law. We are going to a bridal show at the Civic Center. I think it will loads of fun!! Shane told me to plan the wedding last week..so I am going to. I'll keep you posted.
I talked to Lee last night. I can't believe him and Crystal only made it 1 year. I can't believe I hardly knew her. It really hurts to know that someone I considered to be my best friend wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. What really floored me was that Lee actually tracked me down because he was hoping to find me single. I don't know if I could actually date him or not. I'm kinda used to being a musicians girlfriend. I like him on stage rocking out, expressing himself the only way he knows how. I feel just as proud as he does when people talk about him doing great on stage. Lee is more of the thug type, I'm not really into that. I'm sure he is a great guy, but I can't really see myself dating him, plus i am like head over heels for Shane. I want Shane to get on stage again so I can have that proud feeling again. I wanna marry him and I know I am supposed to. I am hoping when he comes back from his trip that he will have a little bit of a clearer head about where we stand on things. I want him to have his dreams, as well as me having some of my own come to fruition. I am not exactly sure what I want out of life by the time I turn 30. I keep trying to think about it, but I always end up confused and depressed cause I can't figure it out. I'll try to work it out in my journal.
Tomorrow I am going out with Christy and her soon to be sister in law. We are going to a bridal show at the Civic Center. I think it will loads of fun!! Shane told me to plan the wedding last week..so I am going to. I'll keep you posted.