(no subject)
So, if you don't have any intention on reading a lot of complaints then I suggest you not read this:
I'm stressed out so much. School+Work+Family+Girlfriend=stress. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all four of these subjects a tremendous amount, but add on to the list that I'm graduating in 5 months. I'm freaking out, because it has finally settled in that I'm no longer going to be living in boring ole' Humble, Texas. I'm going to be three and a half hours from this town place I call home. I love Humble. I really do. I love my friends, I love my family, I love my girlfriend, I love my times here, I love everything about Humble. It has finally sunk into me that I'm not going to have the accommodations I am so prone to anymore. I'm not going to get to see my friends when I want. I'm not going to be able to see Rachel whenever I want. I'm not going to be able to play with my two little nieces when I want to. I'm not going to be able to "hang" with my friends, and party it up Humble style. I'm freaking out because I think I have made a horrible decision by graduation a year early. My entire life I have "stuck up" for c/o 2007. Now, I'm class of 2006. My class ring says 2006, my graduation invitations will say 2006, and it's killing me. I'm super upset about it. Don't tell me that "it's my choice" because I know that already. I know that I will benefit from this decision in the long run, and I know it's for the best. I just don't want to leave. I don't feel as if I'm ready for the college life, and I don't feel smart anymore. I feel completely dumb, because I have no idea what's going on with the whole college process. My counselors at school don't do anything. I had to apply to college with no help from anyone. Not only is that the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, but it's actually over-whelming. I have to apply for scholarships, and do everything by myself. My parents don't know what's going on, and I certainly can't get help from my school. It's useless. I'm worried that I'm going to get to Baylor, and I'm going to be memorized by the load of work. I know that God has a plan for me, and I know that he wants me to help people. I know that my calling is to go to Baylor, get a major, and attend medical school. I want to be either a heart surgeon, cancer stem cell researcher, and environmentalist, OR a general doctor that goes over-seas to places of poverty and donate my time helping those who have literally nothing. I really think I'm going to end up doing the last idea. If you know me at, then you know how i feel about underprivileged people. I think me donating my time and efforts to those will make my heart smile, and give people second chances who usually wouldn't have a chance at all. The reason to my explanation of what I want to do in life is because you can't just randomly become any of those things. You have to work hard, focus, and stay dedicated. I'm a hard worker, I focus, but I'm one who always quits. Since, though, that I know this is my calling-I know I will have help from God for me to achieve my goals. The only thing that is on my mind these days is graduation. I will never have a senior year, senior moments, and I won't get to graduate with any of my amazingly close friends. I know that I could just back down and wait to graduate when I'm supposed to. If I was to do that, then I would, and so many others would, be disappointed. I've worked so hard since my freshman year to keep my grades up, take extra hard classes, take extra classes in summer school-and it would all be for a waste. Today, I went to IHOP with my good friend Elise. She is an amazing listener, so I spilt my heart out to her about all these things. She couldn't really say anything, but she gave me advice. So, thank you Elise. I'm freaking out, because I feel as if I'm too immature to attend college. I need to grow up. I know that I'm going to graduate early, but I just don't want to leave. It's an uncontrollable feeling that I wish I could hide. I hide it from my teachers, fellow students, and friends. Don't get me wrong. I want to graduate early-and not so I can "get the hell out of Humble" or to have the title of "someone who graduated high school a year early" or to impress people-but because I set this goal for myself half way through my freshman year of High School. I refuse to disappoint myself. I'm rambling, but I need to get it off my chest. It doesn't really make any sense, but this is how I feel-I WANT TO GRADUATE EARLY EXTREMELY BAD, BUT I'M JUST OVERWHELMED WITH ALL THE CONSEQUENCES. There are so many benefits to graduating early, but there also double the amount of consequences. The only thing is, the benefits don't come until after the consequences. I know that I'm going to make something good of myself, and help people-but..I honestly thought that graduated early would make it easier when in reality it's made it harder (personally) for me. This seriously makes me cry. I don't want to leave everyone and everything I have ever known. Baylor is an amazing University and graduating is an amazing opportunity-but all combined it just has me feeling low. I don't feel confident with myself because of this. I don't feel like I can achieve my goals, and I don't feel as if I'm going to do an exceptional job academically at Baylor. It's an honor to get into such a University, and I don't want to take it for granted-but I know I will. I know I'll just procrastinate, and be lazy. I will do those things, because that's all I know. I don't really study, and I still get all A's (and some B's every once in a while), but I know that's not going to be the case at college. Knowing that I don't have to show up to a class is not a good thing for me to know. I know that I'm freaking out over nothing, but it may be nothing to you-but this is the rest of my life. I'm leaving everyone and everything 365 days early, and I'm entering a completely different lifestyle. What if everyone hates me? What if I don't get along with my roommate? I'm so used to being the "life of the party" and having so many friends, and talking to everyone and everything..but when I leave-that's all going to change. Yes, I have great social skills, and I can strike up a mean conversation-but I'm going to turn into a sheltered shy person who doesn't have any friends in college. THAT KILLS ME. I'm going to end up getting a room-mate who knows everyone at Baylor, and who parties-and I'm going to be stuck in my room. I don't generally get along with people I just met. It takes me a while for me to trust and enjoy the company of people. I do believe that I'm not going to be as successful in college as I am in high school. I mean, high school is a joke. They give you extra time to turn in stuff, and if you turn it in late you get 80% or 50%. In college, you have one chance. There are no extended due dates, and you don't get to personally know your teacher like you do in high school. I just feel as if I need more time to prepare for this massive step I'm about to take. I know that I'm going to graduate early for sure, and I also know that God wants me to. God will make everything okay and He will help me achieve my personal goals with an extreme amount of dignity. I just have a lot to think about, and a lot to do. Sorry if you read this and got absolutely nothing out of it. Thank you for caring about my emotional stress, though.