Come you back to Mandalay, part II
Master Post
II TONY
about twenty two months earlier
Tony huddled on the sofa in the family room for a week already. First days Jay or Donna tried to talk to him, he silently shook his head at every attempt and curled into himself even more. He felt like fifteen all over again, unsure of himself and the world around. Most of the time he didn’t think at all, just sat there half-asleep. He felt too tired to even question his actions, that why he couldn’t tell anybody what happened - he didn’t understood it himself.
Tony jerked sleepily, heard the phone ringing, Jay picked it.
“Austin.”
He opened his eyes and watched Jay listening to the other side.
“Hello.” Jay made a motion to put the phone down and then stilled.
Tony didn’t know who was on the other side and then Jay looked over to him in confusion and realized… It had to be Gibbs. Tony shook his head silently asking not to tell anybody.
“Something happened to Tony?”
Tony blocked Jay’s voice and remembered the first time he told him about Gibbs…
“You know, Jay, he’s really just like you.” Tony felt as if he was that eighteen years old Navy enlisted, whom Jay picked up from the military police station all those years ago, all over again. “Just like you - as if you’ve a twin brother. The only thing different - he’s sad. Not that he shows it, but he’s so sad inside.”
Tony paused and sighed. He was aware that Jay knew of his dual nature. Dual both as a perfect undercover agent, who could put on different personality as easily as he put on his coat in the morning; and his inclination to date both genders. What he didn’t know was whether Jay heard in his voice more than he wanted to give…
“But I made him smile.”
And he smiled himself that big, bright, winning - patented DiNozzo - smile, that he smiled so rare since the crush a year ago.
“You said he’s a Marine, didn’t he realize you’re not a detective?”
“Oh, he is a marine all right, from tip to toe. You know I’m good, don’t you?” Tony laughed happily. He knew Jay will check up one Leroy Jethro Gibbs in military records and will certainly realize whom Tony saw the first time he met the NCIS agent.
Tony wasn’t ashamed he’d had crush on Jay all those years ago. He didn’t do anything about it and quite soon it morphed into friendly affection and filial love. Still… he wasn’t sure what Jay would feel about it and it bothered him a little. He just knew Jay would see in Gibbs someone who looked disturbingly like Jay himself.
“And?”
“I pulled out the old Tony.”
He knew Jay didn’t need any explanations. Everybody in the family was well acquainted with ‘the old Tony’. Smart mouthed boy with stupid jokes, movie remarks and hidden depths very few people were able to see. Jay had struggled with this Tony for over a year, until his first serious operation in the Middle East.
Nobody had got to see this Tony for almost ten years, more if you bear in mind that Jay didn’t go to DC to see his son at his new job - it would be too awkward. And Tony knew Jay was quite unhappy to see
said ‘old Tony’ as he emerged from the cab at his doorstep a week ago. Tony didn’t tell him what happened, though…
Tony felt glance from the older man and heard regretful, “Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t talk to him for over a month, so I don’t know where he is now.” He just knew Jay said that to Abby, but he didn’t have it in himself to let them know where he was.
Jay put the phone down and turned to him at last. He knew better than to try to talk Tony into letting the people on the east coast know he was good.
“When are you due to be in the camp?”
Tony sighed and leaned back, stretching his arms over the head. It was good to be in a better physical condition than before. Not as good as before the plague, but still better.
“Well, I need to do more tests on my lungs and you know… other stuff. They let me do it here. May I stay at your place, Jay?”
“Sure, dear.” Donna sailed into the room and smiled at them both. “You know we like to have you here.”
Tony felt as if he was finally warm, inside and out. There were people who liked him because of him, not because of what he can do or knows or whatever it is. He was content. He knew he’d never see Gibbs’ eyes looking at him with the same expression as Jay’s, but it didn’t matter for him now.
Right this moment he was where he wanted to be.
He liked Frisco, its smells, its wind, and its people; he trailed around for several days getting reacquainted with it and with himself - him how he used to be before all that. Before that tour, and injury, and the attempts to find himself again. Before NCIS and Gibbs. Especially before Gibbs. The way he used to be, the way Jay and his first CO Colonel Tawnsy taught him to be - his own man. It’d take time to find it again, but he had all the time in the world.
Tony liked to be here because it was the only place he still could feel himself young, not entirely innocent, though still curious to what the world would lay out for him. Thankfully, there weren’t any memories of his father or other relatives, even mama, as much as loved her, never been to the city. He was free to make all new memories, good ones.
And there were plenty of them.
The language school at Monterey. The first really good memory. Not the military academy, but instead the first place he felt himself free; or boot camp - the place, he first began to feel himself his own man. No. It was that obligatory language school that he didn’t really need. The first place he was his own free man.
Spanish and Italian were as native to him as English was, so he was asked to help the Professors, especially with the Multilanguage and simultaneous translation courses. He improved his French, added German, even went for Arabic, though it took him two tours to become really fluent.
That was where he mouthed off to some military policeman while on leave. He really didn’t think much of it - was pissed off by guy’s attitude and told him that. Tony was lucky he met one Lieutenant Colonel Alan Caldwell at the station. They surely got into a heated argument at first, but then something changed, Tony wasn’t sure what, but the old guy called someone and then Jay appeared in the doorway.
That was the other best thing in San Francisco - Jay Austin. Not really father figure, though very close to it, more like an uncle slash older brother. Jay gave him the only real home he'd had since his Nonna died when he was eight.
That first evening Jay listened to him, just listened while saying nothing - let him blow off steam. Tony told him about the police guy and why he was pissed; about the linguistic school and boot camp; then he somehow moved on the Rhode Island house and his parents. He didn’t know how long they drove through the emptying streets, didn’t even know where they were - for all he cared they could’ve been in New York by then.
And then he woke up on the unfamiliar couch to the sounds of almost forgotten family morning - running shower, coffee’ smell, footfall on the stairs, chink of plates. In fact, his family’s mornings were never that cozy and full of laughter.
He fell in love with that family and that house in the twinkling of an eye.
To his astonishment, they loved him back with all their heart. It took Tony some time to believe in it…
If somebody told Tony that one day he’d find himself dressed in full body gear marching through the sands he’d have laughed himself out. For one - his father would never allow him to disgrace the family business and his designated future as an heir to a multimillion dollar fortune to join the army. On the other hand - Tony always loved his freedom and lazy, despite his school, music lessons, basketball and other hobbies like movies and books, state of being.
He was taken aback when he found himself one sunny morning on the steps of the military academy. That was… unexpected, to say the least. He’d never thought his father would go to such drastic measures even after all their arguments, Tony’s school pranks, and fights he meddled in on a daily basis. All he wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted.
He wanted his Nonna back - he didn’t grieve for his mother as much as for his Nonna. Mother was always a figure to worship but not to love. She was so beautiful, ephemeral like a star twinkling above. She had dressed him in sailor costumes and listened to his music lessons; she bought him books about knights and princess and distant lands.
However, it was Nonna who sang him lullabies; sat with him when he was ill, and baked him sweet buns.
He craved something he’d never had - home. And his father found the only solution to fulfill that craving - he sent him where he could find discipline, camaraderie, loyalty, but not a real home. Little did he know that Tony’d finally find the family he needed there.
And despite all fun he had at the military academy Tony was surprised to find himself filling the forms to enlist one morning. He never thought about it consciously. He thought of trying for a sport scholarship in one of the not very famous universities - he was good in football and basketball. He even considered going to LA or rather to Hollywood - not to be an actor, he wasn’t sure of his acting skills, but to write scripts, reviews, or whatever he found interesting to do.
And suddenly he was there - sitting in the empty class filling forms out. He was so engrossed in it that he never heard one of his teachers, Gunnery Sergeant Wolsky, came near him.
“Good, DiNozzo.”
Tony jumped and all the papers flown in the air. “Sorry, sir. I…”
“I said, good.” Gunny smiled and sat across him. Tony couldn’t say they were friends,
but he liked the older man, considered him one of the best things he had found in NAPS (Naval Academy Preparatory School) - the man who took him under his wing and taught him to trust himself, something he never managed to develop under his father’s influence. “I meant to talk to you about it myself.”
“I…” Tony knew he wanted it, but…
“You could go to the Annapolis.”
“Uhm, sir? I… you know I’d be bored on ship in no time.” Tony giggled and tried to imagine himself on the bridge. “Oh, no, sir, I want some action, you know - to have stories to make girls ‘oh’ and ‘ah’.”
Gunny shook his head. “You know, boy, you’d be death of any CO.”
Tony smiled, “I’ll try, sir.”
“Okay, what do you want to do? Marine or SEAL? You definitely can go for SEAL…”
Tony looked at him suspiciously.
“Oh, I mean it Tony. You are book smart and street smart too, you can think on your feet, you’re strong, and a good sportsman. You know, it’s good to set a goal higher than you feel comfortable - it makes you push yourself to the limits.”
And he pushed himself pretty rough. Almost two years of training and he couldn’t recognize himself. Hell, he thought that if he’d suddenly appeared at his father’s side DiNozzo senior would have never even glanced at him.
That was a satisfying thought.
That and the fact that somehow, he wasn’t sure how he’d been able to pull it off. He had enlisted under his mother’s maiden name. That had been a stroke of genius by him.
He still rubbed his hands with glee thinking of it. He was sure - if not for that fact, his father would have found a way to somehow terminate his enlistment. It was five years later when he was seriously injured for the first time that Jay notified DiNozzo senior.
That was… that was even worth being injured - to watch his father storm into the ward with every intention of reaming Tony a new one… only to find himself on the receiving end of a glare from a navy officer - experienced soldier, sniper, navigator, interrogator who knows what he’s done and done well. A man who can lead people, who can save people, and who can kill people.
So why then did he suddenly feel ten years old all over again.
Tony shifted slightly and tried to compose himself.
“Anthony.”
“Sir.”
They stared at each other for good five minutes before DiNozzo Sr. finally lowered his gaze to the floor. It wasn’t an act of a submission though because he straightened, looked Tony in the eyes, and said flatly, “Don’t mess with my schedule again.”
Tony shrugged. If that was it, he could live with it.
Tony looked around - he was sitting on the bench near the Fisherman’s Wharf. He didn’t remember how he had got there - today was the last day of his medical tests and he had some things to think through.
He was cleared for duty. After all, he he had been through the last five years it seemed unbelievable. You’d think the copter crash during the mission was bad enough - he was left with the broken legs, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and severe concussion, as well as minor lacerations from the torn metal.
And then there was that crash while chasing the suspect not long before Kate joined them at NCIS team. And more concussions. He was stabbed and shot, run over, and nearly drowned. He hadn't received as many injuries during his time as a SEAL instead of when he was an NCIS agent.
And then there was the plague.
He refused to think of it all now.
He was cleared for duty. He had to undergo re-training, but all in all… he didn’t know what he wanted. He had a home, a family, friends. He just needed to decide - was it worth it to endure all the head slaps, butt jokes and indifference to remain by Gibbs’ side or…
Okay, he had to be honest - that was fun. That was a hot ride and real fun for the most part. The problem was - he was SEAL, he had got accustomed to being the leader, to making the decisions, to knowing things first. He became tired of playing second fiddle.
And then there was the whole debacle with the blown up car, when he sent Kate and McGee up to the hill. They hadn't even noticed the change in him. Even Tony himself didn’t notice it at first. He remembered it after, when he crept up that damned hill. He remembered the feel at first - the feel of power, when people hear you and do as you tell them. And he remembered his own voice - a voice from the past. His pre-Gibbs voice.
He knew now that it was the exact moment when he decided to leave Gibbs and the team. He didn’t know it consciously back then, but he knew it now.
And one more thing he knew at the back of his mind - he needed to get out from Gibbs. As in really, really needed. Because he still remembered not only how Gibbs looked, even how Gibbs smelled that rainy autumn day they met in Baltimore. And it was sick by DiNozzo’ standards - to lust after the guy for the whole three years. Unrequited lust, maybe even lo…
“DiNozzo! The Captain wants you ASAP.”
Tony nearly gave a start - it was still quite strange to hear his old surname directed at him. He was used to being O’Neil, not… All thoughts of the oddity of his name fled from his head when he stepped into the Captain’s office. He was dimly aware of the files from his last case scattered around and the Captain himself, but it was the last person in the room who held his attention. There was just one man - tall, broad shouldered, silver-haired with piercing blue eyes. He almost gasped “Jay” in astonishment, but something kept him from it.
“This is Special Agent Gibbs from NCIS, DiNozzo.” The Captain was angry at something or someone. He almost spat his words at Tony.
“NCIS stands for Naval…” The man began with habitual impatience, but Tony cut in.
“Criminal Investigative Service. I know, sir. Detective Tony DiNozzo.” He offered his hand and was met halfway. Special Agent muttered something and growled.
“Don’t call me ‘sir’.”
Tony wanted to laugh - that was a phrase straight from Jay’s lips. It was amazing how these two were alike and unlike. He couldn’t find where the differences began - they looked almost identical. They looked at him with the same amusement. They even growled the same way. The main difference he found, was that Tony felt more anger under the calm-looking surface of Gibbs. Anger and sadness.
“… jurisdiction. Do you hear me, DiNozzo?” Captain was still in a pretty bad mood as Tony snapped out of his reverie and tried to make sense of what little he had heard.
“I got it that Special Agent Gibbs wants to take the case from us. Am I right?” Tony had been waiting for something like that since he realized that the main suspect in the robbery with assault was a Navy Petty Officer and hadn't liked it. Then. Though suddenly, right now, he knew he’d be okay with it if he’d have a chance to work with Gibbs.
“I can share jurisdiction in exchange for the access to all information - the evidence, the interrogation, and the crime scene.”
His Captain sighed. “Okay, Special Agent Gibbs. I can live with that and I leave you in the capable hands of Detective DiNozzo.”
Tony thought he heard some sort of relief under the still visible anger in Captain’s voice. He didn’t understand it and looked thoughtfully at the closing door. “Hmm, that was easy.”
“We've worked joint cases before.”
“Oh!” That explained a lot. Tony thought for a second that the Captain had simply dumped the problem on the newest member of the squad, but he wasn’t opposed to that idea, so he just shrugged eager to start exploring his wonderful new toy - Special Agent Gibbs. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of becoming a toy himself…
Well, every dog has his day.
Strange, how sometimes you remember tiny inconsequential things about earth shattering events - Tony didn’t remember what they did that first day of the joint case. The last day of pre-Gibbs time.
The last day of pre-Gibbs time. Tony huffed and nearly laughed at himself. To be that pathetic! He definitely needed time to himself and what a better way to forget about everything than to endure re-training.
So be it.
Tony got up from the bench and turned towards home.
He’d go back to his pre-Gibbs life and would wait for Gibbs to find him or forget. Tony wasn’t sure what would be better. However, he was open to suggestions.
part III
II TONY
about twenty two months earlier
Tony huddled on the sofa in the family room for a week already. First days Jay or Donna tried to talk to him, he silently shook his head at every attempt and curled into himself even more. He felt like fifteen all over again, unsure of himself and the world around. Most of the time he didn’t think at all, just sat there half-asleep. He felt too tired to even question his actions, that why he couldn’t tell anybody what happened - he didn’t understood it himself.
Tony jerked sleepily, heard the phone ringing, Jay picked it.
“Austin.”
He opened his eyes and watched Jay listening to the other side.
“Hello.” Jay made a motion to put the phone down and then stilled.
Tony didn’t know who was on the other side and then Jay looked over to him in confusion and realized… It had to be Gibbs. Tony shook his head silently asking not to tell anybody.
“Something happened to Tony?”
Tony blocked Jay’s voice and remembered the first time he told him about Gibbs…
“You know, Jay, he’s really just like you.” Tony felt as if he was that eighteen years old Navy enlisted, whom Jay picked up from the military police station all those years ago, all over again. “Just like you - as if you’ve a twin brother. The only thing different - he’s sad. Not that he shows it, but he’s so sad inside.”
Tony paused and sighed. He was aware that Jay knew of his dual nature. Dual both as a perfect undercover agent, who could put on different personality as easily as he put on his coat in the morning; and his inclination to date both genders. What he didn’t know was whether Jay heard in his voice more than he wanted to give…
“But I made him smile.”
And he smiled himself that big, bright, winning - patented DiNozzo - smile, that he smiled so rare since the crush a year ago.
“You said he’s a Marine, didn’t he realize you’re not a detective?”
“Oh, he is a marine all right, from tip to toe. You know I’m good, don’t you?” Tony laughed happily. He knew Jay will check up one Leroy Jethro Gibbs in military records and will certainly realize whom Tony saw the first time he met the NCIS agent.
Tony wasn’t ashamed he’d had crush on Jay all those years ago. He didn’t do anything about it and quite soon it morphed into friendly affection and filial love. Still… he wasn’t sure what Jay would feel about it and it bothered him a little. He just knew Jay would see in Gibbs someone who looked disturbingly like Jay himself.
“And?”
“I pulled out the old Tony.”
He knew Jay didn’t need any explanations. Everybody in the family was well acquainted with ‘the old Tony’. Smart mouthed boy with stupid jokes, movie remarks and hidden depths very few people were able to see. Jay had struggled with this Tony for over a year, until his first serious operation in the Middle East.
Nobody had got to see this Tony for almost ten years, more if you bear in mind that Jay didn’t go to DC to see his son at his new job - it would be too awkward. And Tony knew Jay was quite unhappy to see
said ‘old Tony’ as he emerged from the cab at his doorstep a week ago. Tony didn’t tell him what happened, though…
Tony felt glance from the older man and heard regretful, “Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t talk to him for over a month, so I don’t know where he is now.” He just knew Jay said that to Abby, but he didn’t have it in himself to let them know where he was.
Jay put the phone down and turned to him at last. He knew better than to try to talk Tony into letting the people on the east coast know he was good.
“When are you due to be in the camp?”
Tony sighed and leaned back, stretching his arms over the head. It was good to be in a better physical condition than before. Not as good as before the plague, but still better.
“Well, I need to do more tests on my lungs and you know… other stuff. They let me do it here. May I stay at your place, Jay?”
“Sure, dear.” Donna sailed into the room and smiled at them both. “You know we like to have you here.”
Tony felt as if he was finally warm, inside and out. There were people who liked him because of him, not because of what he can do or knows or whatever it is. He was content. He knew he’d never see Gibbs’ eyes looking at him with the same expression as Jay’s, but it didn’t matter for him now.
Right this moment he was where he wanted to be.
He liked Frisco, its smells, its wind, and its people; he trailed around for several days getting reacquainted with it and with himself - him how he used to be before all that. Before that tour, and injury, and the attempts to find himself again. Before NCIS and Gibbs. Especially before Gibbs. The way he used to be, the way Jay and his first CO Colonel Tawnsy taught him to be - his own man. It’d take time to find it again, but he had all the time in the world.
Tony liked to be here because it was the only place he still could feel himself young, not entirely innocent, though still curious to what the world would lay out for him. Thankfully, there weren’t any memories of his father or other relatives, even mama, as much as loved her, never been to the city. He was free to make all new memories, good ones.
And there were plenty of them.
The language school at Monterey. The first really good memory. Not the military academy, but instead the first place he felt himself free; or boot camp - the place, he first began to feel himself his own man. No. It was that obligatory language school that he didn’t really need. The first place he was his own free man.
Spanish and Italian were as native to him as English was, so he was asked to help the Professors, especially with the Multilanguage and simultaneous translation courses. He improved his French, added German, even went for Arabic, though it took him two tours to become really fluent.
That was where he mouthed off to some military policeman while on leave. He really didn’t think much of it - was pissed off by guy’s attitude and told him that. Tony was lucky he met one Lieutenant Colonel Alan Caldwell at the station. They surely got into a heated argument at first, but then something changed, Tony wasn’t sure what, but the old guy called someone and then Jay appeared in the doorway.
That was the other best thing in San Francisco - Jay Austin. Not really father figure, though very close to it, more like an uncle slash older brother. Jay gave him the only real home he'd had since his Nonna died when he was eight.
That first evening Jay listened to him, just listened while saying nothing - let him blow off steam. Tony told him about the police guy and why he was pissed; about the linguistic school and boot camp; then he somehow moved on the Rhode Island house and his parents. He didn’t know how long they drove through the emptying streets, didn’t even know where they were - for all he cared they could’ve been in New York by then.
And then he woke up on the unfamiliar couch to the sounds of almost forgotten family morning - running shower, coffee’ smell, footfall on the stairs, chink of plates. In fact, his family’s mornings were never that cozy and full of laughter.
He fell in love with that family and that house in the twinkling of an eye.
To his astonishment, they loved him back with all their heart. It took Tony some time to believe in it…
If somebody told Tony that one day he’d find himself dressed in full body gear marching through the sands he’d have laughed himself out. For one - his father would never allow him to disgrace the family business and his designated future as an heir to a multimillion dollar fortune to join the army. On the other hand - Tony always loved his freedom and lazy, despite his school, music lessons, basketball and other hobbies like movies and books, state of being.
He was taken aback when he found himself one sunny morning on the steps of the military academy. That was… unexpected, to say the least. He’d never thought his father would go to such drastic measures even after all their arguments, Tony’s school pranks, and fights he meddled in on a daily basis. All he wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted.
He wanted his Nonna back - he didn’t grieve for his mother as much as for his Nonna. Mother was always a figure to worship but not to love. She was so beautiful, ephemeral like a star twinkling above. She had dressed him in sailor costumes and listened to his music lessons; she bought him books about knights and princess and distant lands.
However, it was Nonna who sang him lullabies; sat with him when he was ill, and baked him sweet buns.
He craved something he’d never had - home. And his father found the only solution to fulfill that craving - he sent him where he could find discipline, camaraderie, loyalty, but not a real home. Little did he know that Tony’d finally find the family he needed there.
And despite all fun he had at the military academy Tony was surprised to find himself filling the forms to enlist one morning. He never thought about it consciously. He thought of trying for a sport scholarship in one of the not very famous universities - he was good in football and basketball. He even considered going to LA or rather to Hollywood - not to be an actor, he wasn’t sure of his acting skills, but to write scripts, reviews, or whatever he found interesting to do.
And suddenly he was there - sitting in the empty class filling forms out. He was so engrossed in it that he never heard one of his teachers, Gunnery Sergeant Wolsky, came near him.
“Good, DiNozzo.”
Tony jumped and all the papers flown in the air. “Sorry, sir. I…”
“I said, good.” Gunny smiled and sat across him. Tony couldn’t say they were friends,
but he liked the older man, considered him one of the best things he had found in NAPS (Naval Academy Preparatory School) - the man who took him under his wing and taught him to trust himself, something he never managed to develop under his father’s influence. “I meant to talk to you about it myself.”
“I…” Tony knew he wanted it, but…
“You could go to the Annapolis.”
“Uhm, sir? I… you know I’d be bored on ship in no time.” Tony giggled and tried to imagine himself on the bridge. “Oh, no, sir, I want some action, you know - to have stories to make girls ‘oh’ and ‘ah’.”
Gunny shook his head. “You know, boy, you’d be death of any CO.”
Tony smiled, “I’ll try, sir.”
“Okay, what do you want to do? Marine or SEAL? You definitely can go for SEAL…”
Tony looked at him suspiciously.
“Oh, I mean it Tony. You are book smart and street smart too, you can think on your feet, you’re strong, and a good sportsman. You know, it’s good to set a goal higher than you feel comfortable - it makes you push yourself to the limits.”
And he pushed himself pretty rough. Almost two years of training and he couldn’t recognize himself. Hell, he thought that if he’d suddenly appeared at his father’s side DiNozzo senior would have never even glanced at him.
That was a satisfying thought.
That and the fact that somehow, he wasn’t sure how he’d been able to pull it off. He had enlisted under his mother’s maiden name. That had been a stroke of genius by him.
He still rubbed his hands with glee thinking of it. He was sure - if not for that fact, his father would have found a way to somehow terminate his enlistment. It was five years later when he was seriously injured for the first time that Jay notified DiNozzo senior.
That was… that was even worth being injured - to watch his father storm into the ward with every intention of reaming Tony a new one… only to find himself on the receiving end of a glare from a navy officer - experienced soldier, sniper, navigator, interrogator who knows what he’s done and done well. A man who can lead people, who can save people, and who can kill people.
So why then did he suddenly feel ten years old all over again.
Tony shifted slightly and tried to compose himself.
“Anthony.”
“Sir.”
They stared at each other for good five minutes before DiNozzo Sr. finally lowered his gaze to the floor. It wasn’t an act of a submission though because he straightened, looked Tony in the eyes, and said flatly, “Don’t mess with my schedule again.”
Tony shrugged. If that was it, he could live with it.
Tony looked around - he was sitting on the bench near the Fisherman’s Wharf. He didn’t remember how he had got there - today was the last day of his medical tests and he had some things to think through.
He was cleared for duty. After all, he he had been through the last five years it seemed unbelievable. You’d think the copter crash during the mission was bad enough - he was left with the broken legs, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and severe concussion, as well as minor lacerations from the torn metal.
And then there was that crash while chasing the suspect not long before Kate joined them at NCIS team. And more concussions. He was stabbed and shot, run over, and nearly drowned. He hadn't received as many injuries during his time as a SEAL instead of when he was an NCIS agent.
And then there was the plague.
He refused to think of it all now.
He was cleared for duty. He had to undergo re-training, but all in all… he didn’t know what he wanted. He had a home, a family, friends. He just needed to decide - was it worth it to endure all the head slaps, butt jokes and indifference to remain by Gibbs’ side or…
Okay, he had to be honest - that was fun. That was a hot ride and real fun for the most part. The problem was - he was SEAL, he had got accustomed to being the leader, to making the decisions, to knowing things first. He became tired of playing second fiddle.
And then there was the whole debacle with the blown up car, when he sent Kate and McGee up to the hill. They hadn't even noticed the change in him. Even Tony himself didn’t notice it at first. He remembered it after, when he crept up that damned hill. He remembered the feel at first - the feel of power, when people hear you and do as you tell them. And he remembered his own voice - a voice from the past. His pre-Gibbs voice.
He knew now that it was the exact moment when he decided to leave Gibbs and the team. He didn’t know it consciously back then, but he knew it now.
And one more thing he knew at the back of his mind - he needed to get out from Gibbs. As in really, really needed. Because he still remembered not only how Gibbs looked, even how Gibbs smelled that rainy autumn day they met in Baltimore. And it was sick by DiNozzo’ standards - to lust after the guy for the whole three years. Unrequited lust, maybe even lo…
“DiNozzo! The Captain wants you ASAP.”
Tony nearly gave a start - it was still quite strange to hear his old surname directed at him. He was used to being O’Neil, not… All thoughts of the oddity of his name fled from his head when he stepped into the Captain’s office. He was dimly aware of the files from his last case scattered around and the Captain himself, but it was the last person in the room who held his attention. There was just one man - tall, broad shouldered, silver-haired with piercing blue eyes. He almost gasped “Jay” in astonishment, but something kept him from it.
“This is Special Agent Gibbs from NCIS, DiNozzo.” The Captain was angry at something or someone. He almost spat his words at Tony.
“NCIS stands for Naval…” The man began with habitual impatience, but Tony cut in.
“Criminal Investigative Service. I know, sir. Detective Tony DiNozzo.” He offered his hand and was met halfway. Special Agent muttered something and growled.
“Don’t call me ‘sir’.”
Tony wanted to laugh - that was a phrase straight from Jay’s lips. It was amazing how these two were alike and unlike. He couldn’t find where the differences began - they looked almost identical. They looked at him with the same amusement. They even growled the same way. The main difference he found, was that Tony felt more anger under the calm-looking surface of Gibbs. Anger and sadness.
“… jurisdiction. Do you hear me, DiNozzo?” Captain was still in a pretty bad mood as Tony snapped out of his reverie and tried to make sense of what little he had heard.
“I got it that Special Agent Gibbs wants to take the case from us. Am I right?” Tony had been waiting for something like that since he realized that the main suspect in the robbery with assault was a Navy Petty Officer and hadn't liked it. Then. Though suddenly, right now, he knew he’d be okay with it if he’d have a chance to work with Gibbs.
“I can share jurisdiction in exchange for the access to all information - the evidence, the interrogation, and the crime scene.”
His Captain sighed. “Okay, Special Agent Gibbs. I can live with that and I leave you in the capable hands of Detective DiNozzo.”
Tony thought he heard some sort of relief under the still visible anger in Captain’s voice. He didn’t understand it and looked thoughtfully at the closing door. “Hmm, that was easy.”
“We've worked joint cases before.”
“Oh!” That explained a lot. Tony thought for a second that the Captain had simply dumped the problem on the newest member of the squad, but he wasn’t opposed to that idea, so he just shrugged eager to start exploring his wonderful new toy - Special Agent Gibbs. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of becoming a toy himself…
Well, every dog has his day.
Strange, how sometimes you remember tiny inconsequential things about earth shattering events - Tony didn’t remember what they did that first day of the joint case. The last day of pre-Gibbs time.
The last day of pre-Gibbs time. Tony huffed and nearly laughed at himself. To be that pathetic! He definitely needed time to himself and what a better way to forget about everything than to endure re-training.
So be it.
Tony got up from the bench and turned towards home.
He’d go back to his pre-Gibbs life and would wait for Gibbs to find him or forget. Tony wasn’t sure what would be better. However, he was open to suggestions.
part III