A Wet Night in London - a TEUNC skit
From #teunc chat, reposted by request.
Setting: mid-19th century London
Cast:
Tripitaka - a London street urchin
banazir - a Nazgul Sith and a Jedi Hobbit
figgylicious (Figgy) - a schoolteacher
taiji_jian (Paganini) - a passerby
[20:18:52] * Tripitaka ain't misbehavin'
[20:19:04] * figgy gives Tripitaka a Stern Look
[20:19:12] Eek!
[20:20:08] what have you done!
[20:20:17] La, ma'am!
[20:20:24] It wasn't me!
[20:21:01] I saw you!
[20:21:45] Don't tell on a poor sarvant boy, mum!
[20:22:19] It warn't even worth a copper!
[20:22:55] I'll give it back, I swar, mum
[20:23:03] When I've finished using it
[20:23:22] but then it won't be useful!
[20:23:23] To open a hole in the spacetime continuum
[20:23:29] uhoh
[20:23:32] And admit the Lethon hordes
[20:24:18] Who will submerge London 'neath the waves and commence their fishy reign
[20:24:39] Honest, it'll take less than an hour, mum!
[20:24:55] Then everyone will be running screaming about the end of the world and nobody'll even care no more!
[20:25:18] You must let me have it, mum, you must
[20:25:27] Or how else can I serve our Lethon overlords?
[20:26:01] * Tripitaka holds a grubby little cap in front of his chest and blinks his big liquid doe eyes persuasively
[20:26:09] Please mum?
[20:26:36] * figgy raises a doubtfull eyebrow
[20:26:55] I think you should get back to school like a good like urchin
[20:26:59] * Tripitaka lets drop a solitary tear
[20:27:17] tears won't work I tells ya!
[20:27:26] Awrr! But there ain't no use for readin' and writin' to one like me!
[20:27:41] you can learn how not to be a bad, bad urchin
[20:27:51] And what use is schoolin' when we are driven to the underwater pens of the Lethons?
[20:28:13] I'm not so bad as all that, mum
[20:28:14] you're the one who wants to let them in!
[20:28:35] I merely want to overthrow the established order and convey title of the Earth to an alien race is all!
[20:28:40] oh fine
[20:28:43] stop bugging me
[20:28:44] Pastor never said nothin' about that!
[20:28:47] * figgy gives you a coin
[20:28:54] but you know it's bad
[20:28:55] Thanx mum!
[20:29:02] now you watch out for the consequences.
[20:29:07] and don't let them get me
[20:29:13] Would it make me poor departed saintly mother cry?
[20:29:50] yes
[20:29:51] very much!
[20:29:58] break her heart!
[20:30:15] everythiung she taught you, gone to waste
[20:31:01] brb
[20:34:00] * Tripitaka idly plays with a small watch-like object
[20:36:04] Oh?
[20:36:15] What kind of watch?
[20:36:16] Ere, guv'nor!
[20:37:04] Jou happen to have such a thing as an electric battery?
[20:37:20] Me transtemporal rift inducer's done lost its power, it has?
[20:37:54] And blimey if I've got the time to stand around waitin' for lightnin' ter strike!
[20:38:11] Yew look like a man of science, yew do
[20:38:28] And I'd wager a quid yew've got yer very own electrical apparaytus
[20:38:42] Arvent yew guvnor?
[20:39:06] Well
[20:39:21] * NazgulSith has a van der Graff generator
[20:39:28] Gor blimey!
[20:41:58] I'll wager the Lethons'll give a pretty penny for the secret o' that!
[20:42:12] Why are you working for the Lethons?
[20:43:00] You should work for me, boy
[20:43:00] * NazgulSith gives 3p a coin stamped with the Imperial insignia
[20:43:00] * Tripitaka bites it
[20:43:00] Stringe metal
[20:43:00] Wots it made of?
[20:43:16] Durotanium-plated gold
[20:43:18] Yew wouldn't be passin' funny money on an honest urchin, would ye?
[20:43:32] I assure you there's nothing funny about it
[20:43:49] The Lethons promised me I'd be a prince among the fishfolk!
[20:44:04] I can arrange to pay you in pure gold, if you prefer
[20:44:22] They said they were looking for mallyerble younguns to guide the future jenny-rations
[20:44:37] A prince, eh?
[20:44:48] When the older types were embloscerated
[20:44:52] Or summat like that
[20:44:56] Yee
[20:44:57] Do you know how long that takes?
[20:44:59] A preince
[20:45:02] Nope
[20:45:06] Among the fish folk
[20:45:11] who live for MILLENIA
[20:45:24] You'll be long dead and gone, child
[20:45:25] Well
[20:45:28] Come with me
[20:45:34] and I will show you your TRUE potential
[20:45:46] You have a strong will
[20:46:09] Maybe I could live for millionias too
[20:46:09] I can make you powerful enough to take anything you wish from the fish folk
[20:46:28] Can I rule over Lunnon?
[20:46:39] To defeat death requires power greater than anything the Lethons will ever allow you to have
[20:46:52] London?
[20:47:06] Set your sights higher, boy
[20:47:48] Er... Middlesex?
[20:48:25] * NazgulSith laughs coolly
[20:48:33] Higher than that!
[20:48:50] Oh, my stars -- Middlesex AND Essex!
[20:48:59] Why, that's almost the whole world!
[20:49:48] But what am I going to do with Our Belurved Queen?
[20:49:58] The Lethons were going to eat her
[20:49:58] *A* world
[20:50:05] But I don't think I could do that
Exit Nazgul Sith.
At length, a Jedi Hobbit enters.
[20:57:46] Ere, oo are you?!
[20:58:04] And where did the noice jennamun in the black cape go?
[20:59:25] E woz the on'y one 'oo woz ever kind ter me... *snif*
[21:00:07] E promised I would rule worlds, e did! And Middlesex AND Essex!
[21:00:33] * figgy is now known as sortafig
[21:01:01] Ere, it's the noice lydee agin
[21:01:24] Got arf-pence for a poor urchin?
[21:01:51] * sortafig finds some drugs
[21:02:00] get outta ma way!
[21:02:09] There's Doc Jekyll's down the road
[21:02:21] * Tripitaka stands aside as the fierce lady rushes by
[21:02:36] Wotch out fer the carriage!
[21:03:25] Naow I've lost both me benny-factors. I guess it'll arfter be the Lethons, then...
[21:03:30] lol
[21:03:36] * paganini has joined #teunc
[21:03:44] pag
[21:03:46] Ere, guvnor, got a quid?
[21:03:47] help
[21:03:48]
fig
[21:03:57] pag's gone Dickens urchin on us
[21:03:57]
Wossup?
[21:03:58] Lydee needs a doctor
[21:04:02]
??
[21:04:06]
I have?
[21:04:09] She wants drugs fer wot ails er
[21:04:19] er
[21:04:20] not you
[21:04:20] trip
[21:04:27]
Oh
[21:04:28]
OK
[21:04:30]
WHY?
[21:04:31] lol
[21:04:34] I don't know!
[21:04:43]
I bet it was your fault!
[21:04:46] And she arf mad with the itch, the pox, the mumps, the Jumman AND the French measle
[21:04:51] no it wasn't :(
[21:04:53] bah
[21:04:56] I just have la grippe
[21:05:00]
ROFL
[21:05:02]
The Gripe
[21:05:03] The ague, the plague, the catarrh
[21:05:06]
Figgy = Gripe
[21:05:16] lol
[21:05:22] catarrh is such an ugly word
[21:05:36] She look more'n arf consumptive she do
[21:05:40] All wastin away
[21:05:51] Skinny as a pick-tooth
[21:05:52] * sortafig doesn't have the consumption!
[21:05:56] ha
[21:05:57] I wish
[21:06:09] There there, young man
[21:06:15] That's me diagnosis and I'se stickin' ter it
[21:06:22] * Banazir gives 3p a shilling and a piece of pie
[21:06:26] Owdy guvnor
[21:06:30] mm... eelpie?
[21:06:34] Yes!
[21:06:38] Do you like that?
[21:06:42] Naz
[21:06:47] Hrm
[21:06:53] Well have some peach cobbler then
[21:06:56] Don't you be talking to those dark nasty strangers
[21:07:03] They'll turn your head with stories
[21:07:04] Me mum's favrit woz toad-in-th'hole
[21:07:07] Some are even true
[21:07:14] Toad in the hole, eh?
[21:07:19] Wot about green scaly stringers with fins on their eads?
[21:07:19] * Banazir rummages in his bag
[21:07:21]
Pilfertude!
[21:07:23]
Theftosity!
[21:07:26] Try this
[21:07:34] Wot is it, guvnor?
[21:07:35] The scaly ones are just as bad
[21:07:54] Even if they promises yew a crown and a palace beneath the waves?
[21:08:00] It's a Yorkie pudding
[21:08:06] While they eats lal the adults
[21:08:13] Ooh, Yorkshire puddin
[21:08:16] It's black
[21:08:28]
O.o
[21:08:32]
Chinese Dickens
[21:08:43]
There is something my mind has never arranged in its viewing space before
[21:09:33] A crown and a palace, young man?
[21:09:34] This black puddin's so black
[21:09:36] Think of it
[21:09:39] Even the white bits are black
[21:09:44] * Tripitaka thinks of it
[21:09:50] Why would they let you rule over an empty land?
[21:09:53] Wunnerful, eh, guvnor?
[21:09:55] Full of fish?
[21:09:59] Twouldn't be empty
[21:10:05] There'd be all the children
[21:10:08] How would you even LIVE here?
[21:10:09] They wouldn't eat them
[21:10:17] They'd just turn 'em into fish-men
[21:10:18] And when the children grow up
[21:10:25] They'd be adults
[21:10:33] Which you just identified as fish food
[21:10:50] * paganini eats more cookies
[21:10:58] Hrm
[21:11:07] Maybe they doesn't eat adult fishmen?
[21:11:12] I was gonna make cookies
[21:11:16] They didn't zactly SAY that
[21:11:18] but I'd just sneeze all over them
[21:11:21] and no one wants that
[21:11:29] Yew've got cookies, mum?
[21:11:41] no :(
[21:11:45] Me poor starvin stummick would dearly love a fresh-baked cookie
[21:11:51] :(
[21:12:07] * Tripitaka makes sad puppy-dog eyes
[21:15:05]
Fig
[21:15:08]
If you sneezed on them
[21:15:12]
Then you could eat them all!
[21:17:08] yeah
[21:17:14] I could
[21:17:28] but I have as much energy as a sloth right now
[21:17:58] The Sloth, mum
[21:18:05] Is a South American mammal
[21:18:16] Wot lives upside down in th' trees
[21:18:28] Clinging by its toes, mum, if you'll believe it
[21:18:40] I do
[21:18:43] I've seen them
[21:18:51] they have the funniest faces of the animal kingdom
[21:19:00] I heard it from a traveller who had been to Valenzuela
[21:20:23]
I like "You make me want to be a better hobbig by eating more."
[21:20:31] hehe
[21:20:56] The hobbig, Sir, is a reptile wot burrows in the sands of Arrabia
[21:21:12] Its poison, sir, is such that a mere touch of its hinder claws means deeath
[21:21:27] I do not have claws :/
[21:21:35]
Why you calling me "sir," cully? I look gentry to you?
[21:22:01] Guvnor, anyone over five feet tall looks jennulmunly ter me
[21:22:04] * Banazir gives 3p a cookie
[21:22:08] CHOKLIT chip
[21:22:19] And to answer your question
[21:22:24] Gor blessy, guvnor!
[21:22:30] * Tripitaka munches
[21:22:44] as to adult fish men
[21:22:46] It depends
[21:22:54] Of their own tribes, they eat none
[21:23:11] Of rival tribes, the adult males are the favorite food of the brood queen
[21:23:31] I don't suppose you've ever seen a Lothan brood mother, though
[21:23:37] But tell me:
[21:23:52] Have you ever seen a human child turn into an adult fish-man?
[21:24:16] I'll tell you now that there's only one way a human turns into a fish-man
[21:24:35] No, but ow else could we swim about when Lunnon is submerged aneath the rising waters of the Great Northern Sea?
[21:24:53] Wossat, guvnor?
[21:25:13] As dinner, of course
[21:25:51] Inundation with ice-cold water doesn't do wonders for people's health
[21:26:04] But it does give them a few hours to flash-freeze the corpses
[21:26:22] I suppose a city such as London would provide a good year's worth of food
[21:26:28] Gor! Yer avin me on! Wot for would a band of world-conquering alien-beings want with tellin' stories ter a wee tyke of an innosent urchin?
[21:26:46] That is an interesting question, young master
[21:26:50] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:27:00] * Tripitaka munches happily
[21:27:09] I suppose the answer lies in what you can do for them
[21:27:29] What service have they asked of you, exactly?
[21:29:25] Well, I woz to obtain the transtemporal rift inducer from the laboratory of Dr. Ogilvy, and then use it to open a passage in the spatiotemporal continuum, so that they could slip in not merely in the ones and twos but by the thousands and tens of thousands
[21:29:44] Well! I think that answers it
[21:30:05] Then they could use their matter-propulsion ray to induce a tidal wave from the North Sea that would submerge Lunnon and the Low Countries
[21:30:20] Bringin' the far-famed British Hempire to 'er knees
[21:30:20] Sans your little pilfering act, their invasion might well be uncovered and stemmed
[21:30:44] With your help, though, they'd overwhelm England within a matter of hours
[21:31:07] That's right, guvnor
[21:31:10] Minutes, perhaps
[21:31:31] * Banazir starts scanning 3p surreptitiously with his sonic stethoscope
[21:31:37] And I'm to rule over the sunken city as their planny-potenshry
[21:31:51] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, lad
[21:32:08] At best, a few English children might be kept as breeding stock
[21:32:18] But the jennamun in black says I could rule the whole world
[21:32:22] Or at least Middlesex
[21:32:29] But I wouldn't put it past the Lothans to eat the lot of you
[21:32:47] They're called Lethons...
[21:32:52] Acos they're lethal
[21:32:55] There's plenty more earthlings to use for their purposes
[21:33:03] Lethons, I see
[21:33:14] Is there also Lothans?
[21:33:21] * Banazir flips through his copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Space-Time Continuum
[21:33:27] Maybe they'll give me London without the drowning
[21:33:28] There's Lothans
[21:33:30] and Lethans
[21:33:35] and Lothians
[21:33:38] Where can I find the Lothans?
[21:33:45] Wotterbout Lethons?
[21:33:47] But LETHONS are just man-eating brutes
[21:33:50] Is they in your book?
[21:33:57] Did they look like this?
[21:34:02] * Banazir shows 3p a hologram
[21:34:04] They've got tridents
[21:34:10] And finny hands
[21:34:26] And a spiny thing with scaly webs what sticks outter their heads and down their spines
[21:34:43] They lays eggs I blieve
[21:35:09] And they has ter lay them in water
[21:35:23] And they can't survive out of the water for very long
[21:35:38] Or they would've stolen the transmajigger themselves
[21:35:57] Precisely
[21:36:00] Now
[21:36:06] Should they gain the land
[21:36:13] and inundate London
[21:36:22] What makes you think they would still need you?
[21:36:46] Acos they promised?
[21:37:06] I mean, who would lie to an urchin with such great adorable eyes?
[21:37:21] * Tripitaka goes all Elijah
[21:38:06] you know
[21:38:14] urchin eyes of both land and sea varieties
[21:38:25] are the most prized delicacies of the Lethons
[21:38:37] Cor! Wot brutal monsters!
[21:38:50] As for the dark-cloaked gentleman
[21:38:53] Well
[21:38:54] Eye-eatin' cold-blooded fish things!
[21:39:00] He may very well give you power and money
[21:39:04] Why, they're most as bad as the Germans!
[21:39:16] Eh?
[21:39:20] But he'd make you more evil than any German
[21:39:25] Almost any...
[21:39:31] The black-caped jennamun works for the Kaiser, does he?
[21:39:34] * Banazir looks ominously in the direction of the Channel
[21:40:09] * Banazir listens to an ominous musical refrain that seems to emanate from nowhere
[21:40:18] Or I hear that turble things happen in the prisons of the Czar of Russher
[21:40:23] Not exactly, boy
[21:40:27] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:40:31] Maybe he's one of *them*
[21:40:40] He works for another Emperor entirely
[21:40:47] They also say such things of the Turk and the Sicilians
[21:40:52] One worse than either of those you mentioned
[21:41:00] Worse than those, too
[21:41:30] Did he give you a minted coin, by any chance?
[21:41:40] One that glinted like gold but wasn't gold?
[21:41:40] Me Mum always said, "Be a good boy, sonny, or I'll sell yew ter the Turk!"
[21:42:15] * Disconnected
Session Close: Wed Jul 26 21:42:19 2006
Session Start: Wed Jul 26 21:46:26 2006
Session Ident: #teunc
[21:46:27] * Now talking in #teunc
[21:46:27] * Topic is ''lä Bob'
[21:46:27] * Set by Banazir on Wed Jul 26 19:24:15
[21:47:12] Ere, e's coming round
[21:47:17] * paganini has joined #teunc
[21:47:18] This jennamun'll be fine
[21:47:30] No need for worry constable
[21:47:44] E's 'ad the fainting sickness since e wor a tyke
[21:47:53] * Banazir shakes his head
[21:47:55] Who has?
[21:48:03] You, sir!
[21:48:15] But...
[21:48:16] You were out of commission for an ole minnit
[21:48:21] But YOU'RE a tyke!
[21:48:42] I felt... a great disturbance in the Force
[21:48:42] Ow else d'yer think yer got flat on yer back on the pavement of Wembley Street?
[21:49:09] E says funny things constable
[21:49:17] But I've known im all is life
[21:49:23] E'll be all right
[21:49:34] As if a great many souls cried out in unison
[21:49:38] and then were silent
[21:49:41] Oh
[21:49:43] * Rizanab has joined #teunc
[21:49:45] That'd be the Lethons
[21:49:59] They said something about a great darkness approaching their plane
[21:50:13] I figured it was just something they said
[21:51:20] Well
[21:51:26] Perhaps just this once
[21:51:39] The light side will win out
[21:51:45] At the least
[21:51:57] The good people of London have a lot to be thankful for tonight
[21:52:05] While you were here eating cookies
[21:52:10] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:52:15] Thanky guvnor
[21:52:31] The Nazgul Sith came by and destroyed the Lethon homeworld
[21:52:40] I feared it wor so
[21:52:48] *munch munch*
--
Banazir
Setting: mid-19th century London
Cast:
Tripitaka - a London street urchin
banazir - a Nazgul Sith and a Jedi Hobbit
figgylicious (Figgy) - a schoolteacher
taiji_jian (Paganini) - a passerby
[20:18:52] * Tripitaka ain't misbehavin'
[20:19:04] * figgy gives Tripitaka a Stern Look
[20:19:12] Eek!
[20:20:08] what have you done!
[20:20:17] La, ma'am!
[20:20:24] It wasn't me!
[20:21:01] I saw you!
[20:21:45] Don't tell on a poor sarvant boy, mum!
[20:22:19] It warn't even worth a copper!
[20:22:55] I'll give it back, I swar, mum
[20:23:03] When I've finished using it
[20:23:22] but then it won't be useful!
[20:23:23] To open a hole in the spacetime continuum
[20:23:29] uhoh
[20:23:32] And admit the Lethon hordes
[20:24:18] Who will submerge London 'neath the waves and commence their fishy reign
[20:24:39] Honest, it'll take less than an hour, mum!
[20:24:55] Then everyone will be running screaming about the end of the world and nobody'll even care no more!
[20:25:18] You must let me have it, mum, you must
[20:25:27] Or how else can I serve our Lethon overlords?
[20:26:01] * Tripitaka holds a grubby little cap in front of his chest and blinks his big liquid doe eyes persuasively
[20:26:09] Please mum?
[20:26:36] * figgy raises a doubtfull eyebrow
[20:26:55] I think you should get back to school like a good like urchin
[20:26:59] * Tripitaka lets drop a solitary tear
[20:27:17] tears won't work I tells ya!
[20:27:26] Awrr! But there ain't no use for readin' and writin' to one like me!
[20:27:41] you can learn how not to be a bad, bad urchin
[20:27:51] And what use is schoolin' when we are driven to the underwater pens of the Lethons?
[20:28:13] I'm not so bad as all that, mum
[20:28:14] you're the one who wants to let them in!
[20:28:35] I merely want to overthrow the established order and convey title of the Earth to an alien race is all!
[20:28:40] oh fine
[20:28:43] stop bugging me
[20:28:44] Pastor never said nothin' about that!
[20:28:47] * figgy gives you a coin
[20:28:54] but you know it's bad
[20:28:55] Thanx mum!
[20:29:02] now you watch out for the consequences.
[20:29:07] and don't let them get me
[20:29:13] Would it make me poor departed saintly mother cry?
[20:29:50] yes
[20:29:51] very much!
[20:29:58] break her heart!
[20:30:15] everythiung she taught you, gone to waste
[20:31:01] brb
[20:34:00] * Tripitaka idly plays with a small watch-like object
[20:36:04] Oh?
[20:36:15] What kind of watch?
[20:36:16] Ere, guv'nor!
[20:37:04] Jou happen to have such a thing as an electric battery?
[20:37:20] Me transtemporal rift inducer's done lost its power, it has?
[20:37:54] And blimey if I've got the time to stand around waitin' for lightnin' ter strike!
[20:38:11] Yew look like a man of science, yew do
[20:38:28] And I'd wager a quid yew've got yer very own electrical apparaytus
[20:38:42] Arvent yew guvnor?
[20:39:06] Well
[20:39:21] * NazgulSith has a van der Graff generator
[20:39:28] Gor blimey!
[20:41:58] I'll wager the Lethons'll give a pretty penny for the secret o' that!
[20:42:12] Why are you working for the Lethons?
[20:43:00] You should work for me, boy
[20:43:00] * NazgulSith gives 3p a coin stamped with the Imperial insignia
[20:43:00] * Tripitaka bites it
[20:43:00] Stringe metal
[20:43:00] Wots it made of?
[20:43:16] Durotanium-plated gold
[20:43:18] Yew wouldn't be passin' funny money on an honest urchin, would ye?
[20:43:32] I assure you there's nothing funny about it
[20:43:49] The Lethons promised me I'd be a prince among the fishfolk!
[20:44:04] I can arrange to pay you in pure gold, if you prefer
[20:44:22] They said they were looking for mallyerble younguns to guide the future jenny-rations
[20:44:37] A prince, eh?
[20:44:48] When the older types were embloscerated
[20:44:52] Or summat like that
[20:44:56] Yee
[20:44:57] Do you know how long that takes?
[20:44:59] A preince
[20:45:02] Nope
[20:45:06] Among the fish folk
[20:45:11] who live for MILLENIA
[20:45:24] You'll be long dead and gone, child
[20:45:25] Well
[20:45:28] Come with me
[20:45:34] and I will show you your TRUE potential
[20:45:46] You have a strong will
[20:46:09] Maybe I could live for millionias too
[20:46:09] I can make you powerful enough to take anything you wish from the fish folk
[20:46:28] Can I rule over Lunnon?
[20:46:39] To defeat death requires power greater than anything the Lethons will ever allow you to have
[20:46:52] London?
[20:47:06] Set your sights higher, boy
[20:47:48] Er... Middlesex?
[20:48:25] * NazgulSith laughs coolly
[20:48:33] Higher than that!
[20:48:50] Oh, my stars -- Middlesex AND Essex!
[20:48:59] Why, that's almost the whole world!
[20:49:48] But what am I going to do with Our Belurved Queen?
[20:49:58] The Lethons were going to eat her
[20:49:58] *A* world
[20:50:05] But I don't think I could do that
Exit Nazgul Sith.
At length, a Jedi Hobbit enters.
[20:57:46] Ere, oo are you?!
[20:58:04] And where did the noice jennamun in the black cape go?
[20:59:25] E woz the on'y one 'oo woz ever kind ter me... *snif*
[21:00:07] E promised I would rule worlds, e did! And Middlesex AND Essex!
[21:00:33] * figgy is now known as sortafig
[21:01:01] Ere, it's the noice lydee agin
[21:01:24] Got arf-pence for a poor urchin?
[21:01:51] * sortafig finds some drugs
[21:02:00] get outta ma way!
[21:02:09] There's Doc Jekyll's down the road
[21:02:21] * Tripitaka stands aside as the fierce lady rushes by
[21:02:36] Wotch out fer the carriage!
[21:03:25] Naow I've lost both me benny-factors. I guess it'll arfter be the Lethons, then...
[21:03:30] lol
[21:03:36] * paganini has joined #teunc
[21:03:44] pag
[21:03:46] Ere, guvnor, got a quid?
[21:03:47] help
[21:03:48]
fig
[21:03:57] pag's gone Dickens urchin on us
[21:03:57]
Wossup?
[21:03:58] Lydee needs a doctor
[21:04:02]
??
[21:04:06]
I have?
[21:04:09] She wants drugs fer wot ails er
[21:04:19] er
[21:04:20] not you
[21:04:20] trip
[21:04:27]
Oh
[21:04:28]
OK
[21:04:30]
WHY?
[21:04:31] lol
[21:04:34] I don't know!
[21:04:43]
I bet it was your fault!
[21:04:46] And she arf mad with the itch, the pox, the mumps, the Jumman AND the French measle
[21:04:51] no it wasn't :(
[21:04:53] bah
[21:04:56] I just have la grippe
[21:05:00]
ROFL
[21:05:02]
The Gripe
[21:05:03] The ague, the plague, the catarrh
[21:05:06]
Figgy = Gripe
[21:05:16] lol
[21:05:22] catarrh is such an ugly word
[21:05:36] She look more'n arf consumptive she do
[21:05:40] All wastin away
[21:05:51] Skinny as a pick-tooth
[21:05:52] * sortafig doesn't have the consumption!
[21:05:56] ha
[21:05:57] I wish
[21:06:09] There there, young man
[21:06:15] That's me diagnosis and I'se stickin' ter it
[21:06:22] * Banazir gives 3p a shilling and a piece of pie
[21:06:26] Owdy guvnor
[21:06:30] mm... eelpie?
[21:06:34] Yes!
[21:06:38] Do you like that?
[21:06:42] Naz
[21:06:47] Hrm
[21:06:53] Well have some peach cobbler then
[21:06:56] Don't you be talking to those dark nasty strangers
[21:07:03] They'll turn your head with stories
[21:07:04] Me mum's favrit woz toad-in-th'hole
[21:07:07] Some are even true
[21:07:14] Toad in the hole, eh?
[21:07:19] Wot about green scaly stringers with fins on their eads?
[21:07:19] * Banazir rummages in his bag
[21:07:21]
Pilfertude!
[21:07:23]
Theftosity!
[21:07:26] Try this
[21:07:34] Wot is it, guvnor?
[21:07:35] The scaly ones are just as bad
[21:07:54] Even if they promises yew a crown and a palace beneath the waves?
[21:08:00] It's a Yorkie pudding
[21:08:06] While they eats lal the adults
[21:08:13] Ooh, Yorkshire puddin
[21:08:16] It's black
[21:08:28]
O.o
[21:08:32]
Chinese Dickens
[21:08:43]
There is something my mind has never arranged in its viewing space before
[21:09:33] A crown and a palace, young man?
[21:09:34] This black puddin's so black
[21:09:36] Think of it
[21:09:39] Even the white bits are black
[21:09:44] * Tripitaka thinks of it
[21:09:50] Why would they let you rule over an empty land?
[21:09:53] Wunnerful, eh, guvnor?
[21:09:55] Full of fish?
[21:09:59] Twouldn't be empty
[21:10:05] There'd be all the children
[21:10:08] How would you even LIVE here?
[21:10:09] They wouldn't eat them
[21:10:17] They'd just turn 'em into fish-men
[21:10:18] And when the children grow up
[21:10:25] They'd be adults
[21:10:33] Which you just identified as fish food
[21:10:50] * paganini eats more cookies
[21:10:58] Hrm
[21:11:07] Maybe they doesn't eat adult fishmen?
[21:11:12] I was gonna make cookies
[21:11:16] They didn't zactly SAY that
[21:11:18] but I'd just sneeze all over them
[21:11:21] and no one wants that
[21:11:29] Yew've got cookies, mum?
[21:11:41] no :(
[21:11:45] Me poor starvin stummick would dearly love a fresh-baked cookie
[21:11:51] :(
[21:12:07] * Tripitaka makes sad puppy-dog eyes
[21:15:05]
Fig
[21:15:08]
If you sneezed on them
[21:15:12]
Then you could eat them all!
[21:17:08] yeah
[21:17:14] I could
[21:17:28] but I have as much energy as a sloth right now
[21:17:58] The Sloth, mum
[21:18:05] Is a South American mammal
[21:18:16] Wot lives upside down in th' trees
[21:18:28] Clinging by its toes, mum, if you'll believe it
[21:18:40] I do
[21:18:43] I've seen them
[21:18:51] they have the funniest faces of the animal kingdom
[21:19:00] I heard it from a traveller who had been to Valenzuela
[21:20:23]
I like "You make me want to be a better hobbig by eating more."
[21:20:31] hehe
[21:20:56] The hobbig, Sir, is a reptile wot burrows in the sands of Arrabia
[21:21:12] Its poison, sir, is such that a mere touch of its hinder claws means deeath
[21:21:27] I do not have claws :/
[21:21:35]
Why you calling me "sir," cully? I look gentry to you?
[21:22:01] Guvnor, anyone over five feet tall looks jennulmunly ter me
[21:22:04] * Banazir gives 3p a cookie
[21:22:08] CHOKLIT chip
[21:22:19] And to answer your question
[21:22:24] Gor blessy, guvnor!
[21:22:30] * Tripitaka munches
[21:22:44] as to adult fish men
[21:22:46] It depends
[21:22:54] Of their own tribes, they eat none
[21:23:11] Of rival tribes, the adult males are the favorite food of the brood queen
[21:23:31] I don't suppose you've ever seen a Lothan brood mother, though
[21:23:37] But tell me:
[21:23:52] Have you ever seen a human child turn into an adult fish-man?
[21:24:16] I'll tell you now that there's only one way a human turns into a fish-man
[21:24:35] No, but ow else could we swim about when Lunnon is submerged aneath the rising waters of the Great Northern Sea?
[21:24:53] Wossat, guvnor?
[21:25:13] As dinner, of course
[21:25:51] Inundation with ice-cold water doesn't do wonders for people's health
[21:26:04] But it does give them a few hours to flash-freeze the corpses
[21:26:22] I suppose a city such as London would provide a good year's worth of food
[21:26:28] Gor! Yer avin me on! Wot for would a band of world-conquering alien-beings want with tellin' stories ter a wee tyke of an innosent urchin?
[21:26:46] That is an interesting question, young master
[21:26:50] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:27:00] * Tripitaka munches happily
[21:27:09] I suppose the answer lies in what you can do for them
[21:27:29] What service have they asked of you, exactly?
[21:29:25] Well, I woz to obtain the transtemporal rift inducer from the laboratory of Dr. Ogilvy, and then use it to open a passage in the spatiotemporal continuum, so that they could slip in not merely in the ones and twos but by the thousands and tens of thousands
[21:29:44] Well! I think that answers it
[21:30:05] Then they could use their matter-propulsion ray to induce a tidal wave from the North Sea that would submerge Lunnon and the Low Countries
[21:30:20] Bringin' the far-famed British Hempire to 'er knees
[21:30:20] Sans your little pilfering act, their invasion might well be uncovered and stemmed
[21:30:44] With your help, though, they'd overwhelm England within a matter of hours
[21:31:07] That's right, guvnor
[21:31:10] Minutes, perhaps
[21:31:31] * Banazir starts scanning 3p surreptitiously with his sonic stethoscope
[21:31:37] And I'm to rule over the sunken city as their planny-potenshry
[21:31:51] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, lad
[21:32:08] At best, a few English children might be kept as breeding stock
[21:32:18] But the jennamun in black says I could rule the whole world
[21:32:22] Or at least Middlesex
[21:32:29] But I wouldn't put it past the Lothans to eat the lot of you
[21:32:47] They're called Lethons...
[21:32:52] Acos they're lethal
[21:32:55] There's plenty more earthlings to use for their purposes
[21:33:03] Lethons, I see
[21:33:14] Is there also Lothans?
[21:33:21] * Banazir flips through his copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Space-Time Continuum
[21:33:27] Maybe they'll give me London without the drowning
[21:33:28] There's Lothans
[21:33:30] and Lethans
[21:33:35] and Lothians
[21:33:38] Where can I find the Lothans?
[21:33:45] Wotterbout Lethons?
[21:33:47] But LETHONS are just man-eating brutes
[21:33:50] Is they in your book?
[21:33:57] Did they look like this?
[21:34:02] * Banazir shows 3p a hologram
[21:34:04] They've got tridents
[21:34:10] And finny hands
[21:34:26] And a spiny thing with scaly webs what sticks outter their heads and down their spines
[21:34:43] They lays eggs I blieve
[21:35:09] And they has ter lay them in water
[21:35:23] And they can't survive out of the water for very long
[21:35:38] Or they would've stolen the transmajigger themselves
[21:35:57] Precisely
[21:36:00] Now
[21:36:06] Should they gain the land
[21:36:13] and inundate London
[21:36:22] What makes you think they would still need you?
[21:36:46] Acos they promised?
[21:37:06] I mean, who would lie to an urchin with such great adorable eyes?
[21:37:21] * Tripitaka goes all Elijah
[21:38:06] you know
[21:38:14] urchin eyes of both land and sea varieties
[21:38:25] are the most prized delicacies of the Lethons
[21:38:37] Cor! Wot brutal monsters!
[21:38:50] As for the dark-cloaked gentleman
[21:38:53] Well
[21:38:54] Eye-eatin' cold-blooded fish things!
[21:39:00] He may very well give you power and money
[21:39:04] Why, they're most as bad as the Germans!
[21:39:16] Eh?
[21:39:20] But he'd make you more evil than any German
[21:39:25] Almost any...
[21:39:31] The black-caped jennamun works for the Kaiser, does he?
[21:39:34] * Banazir looks ominously in the direction of the Channel
[21:40:09] * Banazir listens to an ominous musical refrain that seems to emanate from nowhere
[21:40:18] Or I hear that turble things happen in the prisons of the Czar of Russher
[21:40:23] Not exactly, boy
[21:40:27] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:40:31] Maybe he's one of *them*
[21:40:40] He works for another Emperor entirely
[21:40:47] They also say such things of the Turk and the Sicilians
[21:40:52] One worse than either of those you mentioned
[21:41:00] Worse than those, too
[21:41:30] Did he give you a minted coin, by any chance?
[21:41:40] One that glinted like gold but wasn't gold?
[21:41:40] Me Mum always said, "Be a good boy, sonny, or I'll sell yew ter the Turk!"
[21:42:15] * Disconnected
Session Close: Wed Jul 26 21:42:19 2006
Session Start: Wed Jul 26 21:46:26 2006
Session Ident: #teunc
[21:46:27] * Now talking in #teunc
[21:46:27] * Topic is ''lä Bob'
[21:46:27] * Set by Banazir on Wed Jul 26 19:24:15
[21:47:12] Ere, e's coming round
[21:47:17] * paganini has joined #teunc
[21:47:18] This jennamun'll be fine
[21:47:30] No need for worry constable
[21:47:44] E's 'ad the fainting sickness since e wor a tyke
[21:47:53] * Banazir shakes his head
[21:47:55] Who has?
[21:48:03] You, sir!
[21:48:15] But...
[21:48:16] You were out of commission for an ole minnit
[21:48:21] But YOU'RE a tyke!
[21:48:42] I felt... a great disturbance in the Force
[21:48:42] Ow else d'yer think yer got flat on yer back on the pavement of Wembley Street?
[21:49:09] E says funny things constable
[21:49:17] But I've known im all is life
[21:49:23] E'll be all right
[21:49:34] As if a great many souls cried out in unison
[21:49:38] and then were silent
[21:49:41] Oh
[21:49:43] * Rizanab has joined #teunc
[21:49:45] That'd be the Lethons
[21:49:59] They said something about a great darkness approaching their plane
[21:50:13] I figured it was just something they said
[21:51:20] Well
[21:51:26] Perhaps just this once
[21:51:39] The light side will win out
[21:51:45] At the least
[21:51:57] The good people of London have a lot to be thankful for tonight
[21:52:05] While you were here eating cookies
[21:52:10] * Banazir gives 3p another cookie
[21:52:15] Thanky guvnor
[21:52:31] The Nazgul Sith came by and destroyed the Lethon homeworld
[21:52:40] I feared it wor so
[21:52:48] *munch munch*
--
Banazir