friends and what we expect from them

[bananera_ru]

i'm writing to one friend trying to explain how i feel: @@i am trying to fight my ego in different ways but i still have it. now did yu ever think how does somebody who had a brand manager position with 2000 euros salary in moscow and was hoping to finish her PhD in may 2012 , how does this person feel cleaning tourist´s appartments, handing flyers for puti club, selling african masks to survive? did you ever try to imagine how i feel behind what you see when i try to sell my life as a happy life? it sucks. i hat it. i cry because i feel helpless and dumb because i myself did fuck everything up. i am not asking for help or even worth pity, but for a little bit of understanding. i dont know how you feel about many things but i try to ask and understand. i´m not asking for more. not even asking for that. just pliz dont laugh@@@ no response.
but i lie in that email, i do want understanding love and care in a form of trying to understand. empathy. i do want it even if i say/play i dont.

i am writing to another friend: @cant fall in love@ - "maybe it is because"... -i dont need analysis, i just want understanding love and care

i am writing to yet another friend again  @cant fall in love@ - "i can connect you with smbd who will make you remember your past lives" you kidding me? i just want understanding love and care. and all this understanding love and empathy can be expressed in how are you not when i'm on the edge of nervous break down