A Really Bad Day
This has been a strange past few days. Or day... It just feels like it all runs together these days. Probably because I haven't been getting much sleep. An hour or two too late and a half an hour before my alarm.
So within the past few days things with him have been weird. He originally started the brake down of the snapchat barrier. Well, I suppose I did, but he continued it. I have not sent him more than one snap in a row. Unless it had to do with the first. But if anything that's happened maybe once. And he has been sending me weird snaps. Like maybe 3 weeks ago he sent me a snap saying he was at Hannah's. Then the week after that he okayed Bridgett to send a snap of him at their house. Then he sent me a picture of a minecraft necklace and a video of him in the car dancing to "best day of my life" by the American Authors. And just an hour ago he sent me a random snap of him captioned "hiya". Wtf?
Well, I thought about it and I came to this conclusion.
Because I posted in my feed of me wearing normal clothes, no make up, and a hunters hat says I am non threatening, see me as one of your lesbian friends because that's the kind of girl I am anyway. And so that snap is simply his way of saying we can be friends.
Then I sent him a snap back looking goofy saying howdy. Cause I felt like I cowboy.
I also forgot to mention today was a really bad day for me.
He has found someone amazing. This crushed my heart and I remembered how BJ had first crushed mine. But this time I realize that I don't trust men. I foolishly give them my heart and it gets broken. So no more giving anyone my heart. This is my heart and the only one who can have it is Jesus. No one else. I don't even want to have sex anymore. Like I'm done.
I realized that I can't give a fuck if a guy wants me. They aren't ever going to so why try? I'm just a tom boy trying to run with the pretty girls.
So I like living in the wild, playing in the mud, and exploring, doesn't mean I don't want to be beautiful. People don't know that when in put on make up, I'm putting on a different face. That's not who I am.
Yikes.
Also I think this next month I am going to challenge myself to find beauty in my makeup less face and instead take care of my skin.
So that theory doesn't add up because he hasn't seen that picture of me..... Ugh!
Whatever. It doesn't matter.
Here are pictures.
