(no subject)

Jan 28, 2013 03:04

there are things in life that i never seem to learn. and now it scares me. having something so important that i wanna keep close to my heart. i start fearing about how these flaws might end up being the death of me. my feelings are often at an extreme. if i love a person, there's literally nothing in the world i'd care about. ive always thought that's how it should be, putting all ur heart in it. but isnt this kind of love too overwhelming and burdensome? I need to learn to keep my feelings under control. no one wants to be so suffocated. but holding them back, it upsets me. And being upset is yet another thing im feeling too often. as much as there's a million reasons for me to be upset. i dont want to be... i want to learn how to not be upset or at least learn how to pretend that im not. and this is just incredibly hard, especially when what im going tru.... is really extremely upsetting. im not the only one going tru shits and feeling upset doesnt help a thing. it makes things worse. it makes me forget about how happy i used to be. when ur mood changes, everything else will take its turn to change. i need to remember how it was like before, the feelings we used to have. there's a lot of silly things i would do without a second thought and i in turn always expect others to do the same. this, is something so bad for me. these expectations have brought about many unhappiness throughout my life and it's probably time to stop. with unrealistic expectations comes useless disappointment. expectations for my friends, families and what not. that's not how love should be. love is about giving without expectation of anything in return isnt it?

saying all these is not going to change a thing. it's not easy to do that but i need to constantly keep them in mind. let me just start by telling myself things are good and that i am happy.
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