The Dirt Whispered, Ch. 3
“Why?”
That’s Nick’s response, when I tell him that Kevin wants to see him.
I switch my phone to my other ear, sighing, as I wipe a rag over my kitchen counter, cleaning my dinner mess. “Because you’re his little brother,” I offer. “He probably misses you. You haven’t been to see him since he went in there.”
“You told me not to.” Nick retorted defensively. “I would’ve been there to see him whenever I was home, every week, like you do, if you hadn’t told me I couldn’t. Don’t try to make this my problem.”
I can hear the anxiety in his tone. He doesn’t know how to react to this news. I just sigh. “He keeps up with your tour dates, you know. I bring him a list of the places you’re playing; he likes to write them on his calendar.” I toss my rag into the sink. “So he knows you’re going to be home next week. I told him I’d ask you to come see him; if you don’t, he’s going to be upset, and I don’t want him there any longer than he has to be. Please come.”
There’s silence. I know he’s going to say yes. He’s just nervous, and for a moment I feel guilty about that. If I hadn’t been so rough on him, he won’t be so scared of Kevin’s reaction. It’s funny; I treat him the same way he treated us back then. Finally, there’s a soft sigh. “Alright. I’ll be home Thursday. Should I meet you at your house?”
I smile, relieved. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you Saturday.”
“Hey, Joe?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
I pause, looking out the window, contemplating that question. It’s been hard. I won’t deny that. But, I know he’s asking me if I regret vowing to spend my life with Kevin no matter what. Even a normal life with someone else wouldn’t be as wonderful as the spurts of the old Kevin I get now. So, I just say, softly, “Yeah, I’m okay.”
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The shit didn’t hit the fan until the next morning.
I cite that day as the one that ruined everything, because it technically did, but we didn’t get the backlash until the tabloids hit the stands.
Nick wasn’t home when Kevin and I got out of bed. We were curled up together on the couch, watching a movie, when he came blowing in, and I remember Kevin muttering something like, “Watch out for Hurricane Nicholas,” because I snickered at the words.
That is, until Nick threw the magazine down on the coffee table in front of us. I glanced at it, but didn’t read the headline. I didn’t care. “What’re they saying now?”
Nick was furious; he didn’t get angry often, but he was definitely angry then. “You said you wouldn’t get caught.” He spat at us, pointing down at the magazine. “You said you were careful, and no one would notice!”
Kevin leaned forward, his arm still curled around me, and grabbed the magazine, his face blanching immediately at the photo on the cover. It wasn’t anything explicit, just him and me with that certain way I know we looked at each other sometimes, like we couldn’t way to be alone. The terrible, gut-wrenching part was the word in bold, black ink beneath it: INCEST.
Kevin’s mouth opened and shut a few times, and I heard his teeth clicking together, and for a moment, that was all I could focus on. “But…” he sounded helpless, and I hated it. “But, we were so careful.” He retracted his arm from around me, flipping through the pages to the article about us, and sure enough, there were more of those not-quite-evidential photos: the two of us hugging, laughing together, out to lunch, and several more of them where we were just looking at each other. I wondered vaguely how long they’d been stockpiling these to be able to make a story out of it.
Nick was still yelling, just freaking out, but I wasn’t really listening to him; I was scanning the article, scoffing at the so-called ‘sources’ because no one who knew (and it was us, and Nick, and Big Rob) would have talked. It meant the end of our careers, our lives as we knew them.
“Relax, Nick.” I said suddenly, pointing a look up at him. “This isn’t big. They’ve been saying all sorts of stupid shit over the years; this just happens to be the latest in that line. Look at this; they don’t even have any real evidence .”
“That’s not the point, Joe!” Nick shouted, and I was glad our parents were out to lunch so they couldn’t hear this talk. “When you and Kev started this, you told me that no matter what, you’d make sure your careers, and my career, were safe. You said that that would come first! You promised me this wouldn’t happen!”
“I didn’t promise you that; neither of us did.” I snapped, standing up. Kevin was still staring listlessly at the magazine, but I’d soothe him in a moment; I had to deal with Nick first. “We promised we would be careful, and that we wouldn’t give anyone any reason to talk about us, and we haven’t. We’ve been so careful! We love each other, and we were willing to risk anything to be together, but we promised you that we wouldn’t, that we would make sure to put the band and our reputations first, because it was important to you, so don’t you dare tell us we haven’t been careful.”
“You haven’t been, Joe!” Nick was pointing his hand at the tabloid. “You guys haven’t been careful enough if someone saw it enough to realize there was something there that shouldn’t be! For Christ’s sake, why can’t you guys just be normal?”
That was like a slap in the face for me. As much as Nick was surprised and confused and maybe a little bit disgusted or afraid when we told him, he’d never asked us to change. He’d never expected us to; he just wanted us to be happy.
He seemed to realize what he’d said too, and looked slightly helpless for a moment, before he snatched the rag from Kevin’s hand, turning and stalking out of the room with a muttered, “I’m going to deal with PR.”
I watched him go, my mouth open, wishing I knew what to say to fix this. Frankly, I didn’t care what the world thought of us, as long as I got to have Kevin, but Nick? Nick mattered, to both of us. To lack his approval was to lack the only approval we needed.
I turned to look at Kevin. He was staring at the coffee table in the blank way he got when he was upset, but not quite ready to cry. I sighed, sinking onto the couch. “Kev…”
As soon as my hand touched his arm, he bolted. I couldn’t think of anything to do except sit there alone.
I’m thinking about that day when Nick pulls into my driveway. We’re going to see Kevin.