I Was A Prayer, Ch. 10
I have to tell you all something, because I feel I should be honest with you.
I'm scared of JonasSlash.
I love you girls (and guys) a lot a lot a lot.
But, I'm nervous about the new people joining.
Because everyone is so great, such good writers, and we all have such a good chemistry.
And, I'm afraid our quality is going to be lost on having a hundred thousand members.
I sound super-bitchy and elitist.
But, I don't want JonasSlash to become like the proboards forum or like FF.net where you have to carefully sort through the stories to find the good ones.
ALSO.
I should just say this over in the community, but we all write because we want people to read.
And, it appears a lot of stories aren't getting comments.
So, if you read a story, leave a comment, especially if you like it! It makes us all feel a little better.
Thanks, girls (and boys). I love you!
By the way, this chapter.
I opened a notebook.
I wrote "I Was A Prayer, Ch. 10: I am shamed." at the top, and dated it.
And, then I just stared at it for a while.
It took me a full twenty-four hours to put words on it.
So, I'm sorry if it blows.
It wasn't supposed to.
ALSO. Someone explain to me how Matt blackmailing Joe would be obvious to Kevin?
I feel like I missed something.
I'm sorry; I've feeling unreasonable and uncooperative today.
Joe sat in his running car in the garage for twenty minutes, with his finger hovering over the button that would close the door and allow him to effectively kill himself via carbon monoxide poisoning. He eventually decided against pushing it, opting to turn the car off and get out, knowing he needed to prepare himself for the wrath of his big brother, who was inevitably waiting for him to come home so he could throttle him.
Slowly, he made his way toward the door into the kitchen, only to jump back as it flew open, and Kevin grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside, keeping a hold on him so he couldn't escape. "What the fuck are you doing seeing him?" he hissed, jaw tight in his fury.
Joe gasped, wrenching himself from his grip. "How did you-?"
Kevin shoved his phone into his hands. "He's not exactly cryptic in his messages, Joseph." His voice was cold, bitter. He leaned forward so he could speak more quietly "Going to tell me what's going on?"
"I can't." Joe whispered, staring down at his sneakers. "It's something I got myself into, and I'm handling it."
"Handling it?" Kevin was outraged. "You broke Nick's heart, Joe! That's not handling anything!" He pushed his hand through his curls, pacing across the kitchen. He spun around. "I don't know what's going on with you, and it's obvious you're not going to tell me, despite the fact that we tell each other everything, but how do you expect Nick to feel when he finds out about this?"
Joe stared at him, surprised. "You didn't tell him?"
"Are you kidding? He's depressed already; he'd kill himself if he knew about this!"
Joe reached the counter somehow and managed to lower himself onto the barstool. "I didn't mean to hurt him." He said softly, eyes averted, hands folded tightly against his knee. "It wasn't supposed to go this far."
"Joe," Kevin's voice was low. He leaned down, fingers on Joe's chin to lift his head, forcing him to look at him. "Did you cheat on Nick?"
Joe met his gaze dead-on, and whispered, "Yes."
------------------------------------
The big room was too quiet without Kevin's soft breathing in the other bed. Joe had already spent half the night tossing and turning, and was now lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling he couldn't see through the darkness.
He knew Kevin was in Nick's room, and Nick was probably curled up against him, with his nose pressed against his shoulder and his arms tight around his ribs, the same way he slept when Joe was in his bed. He felt a pang of jealous, but a sharper stab of self-loathing, knowing full well he deserved to sleep alone.
The left side of his face throbbed. Ithad swelled up into a nice blue-purple bruise. Who knew Kevin had such a strong right hook? It was the first time in their lives that his brother had ever hit him. This was a day for all kinds of new, unpleasant experiences, it seemed.
He was completely alone. He had isolated himself completely from his two best friends, who also happened to be his family. He wanted so badly to be able to tell Kevin, to explain the whole situation, because that disgust in his eyes was hard to swallow. But, telling Kevin meant succumbing to whatever seemingly logical course of action would be best to take, and they all had flaws. Joe had gone over and over all his possible outs, the things he could do to protect his brothers and himself, and the only plausible plan was the one he was now executing.
And, the two most important people in his life hated him for it, but he was keeping them safe! It was all he could do. He almost wished he could tell them, just to save what dignity he had left in the situation, but it would only ruin everything.
Really, he'd ruined almost everything already. The only thing he was still fighting for was Nick's future. He would protect that as long as he had to, no matter what.
I'm scared of JonasSlash.
I love you girls (and guys) a lot a lot a lot.
But, I'm nervous about the new people joining.
Because everyone is so great, such good writers, and we all have such a good chemistry.
And, I'm afraid our quality is going to be lost on having a hundred thousand members.
I sound super-bitchy and elitist.
But, I don't want JonasSlash to become like the proboards forum or like FF.net where you have to carefully sort through the stories to find the good ones.
ALSO.
I should just say this over in the community, but we all write because we want people to read.
And, it appears a lot of stories aren't getting comments.
So, if you read a story, leave a comment, especially if you like it! It makes us all feel a little better.
Thanks, girls (and boys). I love you!
By the way, this chapter.
I opened a notebook.
I wrote "I Was A Prayer, Ch. 10: I am shamed." at the top, and dated it.
And, then I just stared at it for a while.
It took me a full twenty-four hours to put words on it.
So, I'm sorry if it blows.
It wasn't supposed to.
ALSO. Someone explain to me how Matt blackmailing Joe would be obvious to Kevin?
I feel like I missed something.
I'm sorry; I've feeling unreasonable and uncooperative today.
Joe sat in his running car in the garage for twenty minutes, with his finger hovering over the button that would close the door and allow him to effectively kill himself via carbon monoxide poisoning. He eventually decided against pushing it, opting to turn the car off and get out, knowing he needed to prepare himself for the wrath of his big brother, who was inevitably waiting for him to come home so he could throttle him.
Slowly, he made his way toward the door into the kitchen, only to jump back as it flew open, and Kevin grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside, keeping a hold on him so he couldn't escape. "What the fuck are you doing seeing him?" he hissed, jaw tight in his fury.
Joe gasped, wrenching himself from his grip. "How did you-?"
Kevin shoved his phone into his hands. "He's not exactly cryptic in his messages, Joseph." His voice was cold, bitter. He leaned forward so he could speak more quietly "Going to tell me what's going on?"
"I can't." Joe whispered, staring down at his sneakers. "It's something I got myself into, and I'm handling it."
"Handling it?" Kevin was outraged. "You broke Nick's heart, Joe! That's not handling anything!" He pushed his hand through his curls, pacing across the kitchen. He spun around. "I don't know what's going on with you, and it's obvious you're not going to tell me, despite the fact that we tell each other everything, but how do you expect Nick to feel when he finds out about this?"
Joe stared at him, surprised. "You didn't tell him?"
"Are you kidding? He's depressed already; he'd kill himself if he knew about this!"
Joe reached the counter somehow and managed to lower himself onto the barstool. "I didn't mean to hurt him." He said softly, eyes averted, hands folded tightly against his knee. "It wasn't supposed to go this far."
"Joe," Kevin's voice was low. He leaned down, fingers on Joe's chin to lift his head, forcing him to look at him. "Did you cheat on Nick?"
Joe met his gaze dead-on, and whispered, "Yes."
------------------------------------
The big room was too quiet without Kevin's soft breathing in the other bed. Joe had already spent half the night tossing and turning, and was now lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling he couldn't see through the darkness.
He knew Kevin was in Nick's room, and Nick was probably curled up against him, with his nose pressed against his shoulder and his arms tight around his ribs, the same way he slept when Joe was in his bed. He felt a pang of jealous, but a sharper stab of self-loathing, knowing full well he deserved to sleep alone.
The left side of his face throbbed. Ithad swelled up into a nice blue-purple bruise. Who knew Kevin had such a strong right hook? It was the first time in their lives that his brother had ever hit him. This was a day for all kinds of new, unpleasant experiences, it seemed.
He was completely alone. He had isolated himself completely from his two best friends, who also happened to be his family. He wanted so badly to be able to tell Kevin, to explain the whole situation, because that disgust in his eyes was hard to swallow. But, telling Kevin meant succumbing to whatever seemingly logical course of action would be best to take, and they all had flaws. Joe had gone over and over all his possible outs, the things he could do to protect his brothers and himself, and the only plausible plan was the one he was now executing.
And, the two most important people in his life hated him for it, but he was keeping them safe! It was all he could do. He almost wished he could tell them, just to save what dignity he had left in the situation, but it would only ruin everything.
Really, he'd ruined almost everything already. The only thing he was still fighting for was Nick's future. He would protect that as long as he had to, no matter what.