I've yet to create a real life version of Phoenix Tears, but know cap't&Cherrycoke is not the answer
Dream Update:
I tend to have a lot of dreams where I am "dating" girls but I don't ever see them, or touch them, or anything and I wonder what that is all about. Like last night I was "going out with" some bitch from the Disney Chanel and at some Disney Original Movie type premiere I was hugging the girl's sister? It was weird.
Also, I was driving on a freeway and a guy on a motorcycle was behind be with a shotgun, shooting people who pissed him off! I calmly took the nearest exit and some back roads and such but I kept seeing him behind me, even though he wasn't following me, exactly. It was scary, I didn't realize I was dreaming.
And then I was in my bed and clevermonikerr was snuggled up with me and I was telling her all about my scary shotgun dream and then she left and my cousin Haley showed up, and the Disney Bitch's little sister whom I hugged before, and I was annoyed by the sister and anxious to get out of my room, and I can't remember what happened next, but I woke up and it was 9:30 and time for a blackberry wheat pancake :)
Claire is on her way to pick me up, we are going to the farmer's market downtown :) It's so nice and sunny outside.
Work got all confunded last night but I took a relaxing breath and rolled with it and it was really great. I read all the sheets my talk therapist gave me on Tuesday about letting go of the need to control, and detachment and I typed a 6page word document following the questions and steps about detaching from food, and not being such a control freak and it was basically the best feeling (but calming) thing in the world. A lot of it is from AA...pamphlet type things, but it certainly applies to other areas. It's all a form of addiction, right?
I went through all my word documents in the halfway house (with no internet) and found
Possibly the most frustrating feeling in the world (of a nearly 19 year old girl) is that unsatisfied, insatiable hole that builds and gnaws in and around the abdomen.
Unquenched by food, water, chocolate (though it would always SEEM to be the solution), movies, books, conversation, a bath, a shower, a nap, a creative act of creativity, a walk around the block, a walk around 6 blocks, a steady jog, nor a reckless and tear-streaked run.
The only foreseeable solution is affection from another human being, and ultimately affection from within.
Fuh kein difficult.
I always head straight for the chocolate.
When my mom or Chris Spong isn’t around, who else can I go to for a random hug that says, “I see ya, I hear ya, I love ya, here’s a warm body.”
Have a nice, relaxing weekend everybody! I will be at a cabin (my dad's work friend borrowed us) with the George family, so no internet but lots of reading and swimming and kayaking!
I tend to have a lot of dreams where I am "dating" girls but I don't ever see them, or touch them, or anything and I wonder what that is all about. Like last night I was "going out with" some bitch from the Disney Chanel and at some Disney Original Movie type premiere I was hugging the girl's sister? It was weird.
Also, I was driving on a freeway and a guy on a motorcycle was behind be with a shotgun, shooting people who pissed him off! I calmly took the nearest exit and some back roads and such but I kept seeing him behind me, even though he wasn't following me, exactly. It was scary, I didn't realize I was dreaming.
And then I was in my bed and clevermonikerr was snuggled up with me and I was telling her all about my scary shotgun dream and then she left and my cousin Haley showed up, and the Disney Bitch's little sister whom I hugged before, and I was annoyed by the sister and anxious to get out of my room, and I can't remember what happened next, but I woke up and it was 9:30 and time for a blackberry wheat pancake :)
Claire is on her way to pick me up, we are going to the farmer's market downtown :) It's so nice and sunny outside.
Work got all confunded last night but I took a relaxing breath and rolled with it and it was really great. I read all the sheets my talk therapist gave me on Tuesday about letting go of the need to control, and detachment and I typed a 6page word document following the questions and steps about detaching from food, and not being such a control freak and it was basically the best feeling (but calming) thing in the world. A lot of it is from AA...pamphlet type things, but it certainly applies to other areas. It's all a form of addiction, right?
I went through all my word documents in the halfway house (with no internet) and found
Possibly the most frustrating feeling in the world (of a nearly 19 year old girl) is that unsatisfied, insatiable hole that builds and gnaws in and around the abdomen.
Unquenched by food, water, chocolate (though it would always SEEM to be the solution), movies, books, conversation, a bath, a shower, a nap, a creative act of creativity, a walk around the block, a walk around 6 blocks, a steady jog, nor a reckless and tear-streaked run.
The only foreseeable solution is affection from another human being, and ultimately affection from within.
Fuh kein difficult.
I always head straight for the chocolate.
When my mom or Chris Spong isn’t around, who else can I go to for a random hug that says, “I see ya, I hear ya, I love ya, here’s a warm body.”
Have a nice, relaxing weekend everybody! I will be at a cabin (my dad's work friend borrowed us) with the George family, so no internet but lots of reading and swimming and kayaking!