Good Morning... or not
I woke up this morning and decided that considering that we changed to summertime yesturday, I've got a perfectly good reason to skip my first lesson today, which is Spanish. I'm happy about that. Instead of taking the bus I should have taken, which went 8.25 so I've already missed it, I'm taking a bus at 9.45 along with Malin who overslept. So I have about an hour and 15 minutes now to do whatever I feel like. And I can't think of anything to do. It's not like I can fall asleep again since I've got so much trouble with falling asleep. I might go downstairs and watch Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind though....
I spent half of Saturday going to and hanging out in Halmstad. Gustav and I went along with Niklas and his sister Suss in this red sports car and we were there after about forty minutes (and the drive should have taken about an hour and a half). It was fun! Then in Halmstad we went to Musikdirekt and From Behind won a price for best girl band after playing. I was home at like 00.30....
Then yesturday I woke up at noon, and then Viking and I went to mom's and she dragged us out on this walk and it was all bright and happily around us and I was just tired and stressed about school since I've got a maths test along with two person- and surroundingdescription papers to hand in on friday. I'm so not looking foward to that. And mom was like "Oh a walk is good for you, you will thank me for this and it's not soooo important that you study", just because she got really bad grades when she went to school cause she'd skipped school and moved a lot. I'm under a lot of pressure at my school, cause if I compare my work both at school and homework to Amanda's school, she's had like no tests at all. But I'm gonna do this, I'm not gonna have an emotional breakdown like I almost had yesturday on that walk.
And Viking's been calling me fat for a while. I'm really not, and I told him that IF he wanted me to get skinnier, then I'd have to start smoking again (I didn't really stop smoking at all, I just told him that) cause it burns carbs and I think that will shut him up for a while. At least I hope so. I'm already eating badly at school cause the food is mostly gross and then I eat candy or something else that's weird and drink loads of Coke. I really wonder what my dentist will say on friday on my dentists appointment. Probably "Well Caroline, you're teeth are not as white as they used to be and you should start rinsing your mouth with this green liquid cause your gums are kind of reddish cause you talk a lot (and you smooooooke)"... Fuck it.
At least I've got some cigarettes now, I kind of forced Niklas to buy em to me on Saturday. But I'm not gonna waste these, I'm gonna smoke em carefully or something. I dunno. Gosh, I'm really crawing for a cigarette now. Dumb stupid brother.
Feels nice being at home now at least.
I feel like if I'll lose weight I'm gonna be happier. I think that's mom's fault. She weighs about 20 pounds less than me. She's so skinny that it's sick. She's supposed to weigh like ten pounds more than me. That makes me really frustrated.
Viking told me yesturday that he wants to gain weight since he's one of the skinniest guys in his class. Fuck him.
Fuck it! I just remembered that I shouldn't smoke now because of the dentists appointment. I'm really dead if they tell my dad that I smoke. Or at least I think I'll be. It's not like he's oblivious, he's already suspecting that I smoke sometimes. And both Amanda and Gustav think that he wouldn't react at all if he found out. I know he will, I just don't know how.
I can feel my self esteem going down the drain.
I was thinking about doing blogging or something similar for a living. It seems like a pretty fun thing to do. Just don't know what to blog about since I don't think reading about me and my life is that interesting. Just depressing.
At least it's sunny. Now.
Anyone got any ideas on something that'll cheer me up?
I spent half of Saturday going to and hanging out in Halmstad. Gustav and I went along with Niklas and his sister Suss in this red sports car and we were there after about forty minutes (and the drive should have taken about an hour and a half). It was fun! Then in Halmstad we went to Musikdirekt and From Behind won a price for best girl band after playing. I was home at like 00.30....
Then yesturday I woke up at noon, and then Viking and I went to mom's and she dragged us out on this walk and it was all bright and happily around us and I was just tired and stressed about school since I've got a maths test along with two person- and surroundingdescription papers to hand in on friday. I'm so not looking foward to that. And mom was like "Oh a walk is good for you, you will thank me for this and it's not soooo important that you study", just because she got really bad grades when she went to school cause she'd skipped school and moved a lot. I'm under a lot of pressure at my school, cause if I compare my work both at school and homework to Amanda's school, she's had like no tests at all. But I'm gonna do this, I'm not gonna have an emotional breakdown like I almost had yesturday on that walk.
And Viking's been calling me fat for a while. I'm really not, and I told him that IF he wanted me to get skinnier, then I'd have to start smoking again (I didn't really stop smoking at all, I just told him that) cause it burns carbs and I think that will shut him up for a while. At least I hope so. I'm already eating badly at school cause the food is mostly gross and then I eat candy or something else that's weird and drink loads of Coke. I really wonder what my dentist will say on friday on my dentists appointment. Probably "Well Caroline, you're teeth are not as white as they used to be and you should start rinsing your mouth with this green liquid cause your gums are kind of reddish cause you talk a lot (and you smooooooke)"... Fuck it.
At least I've got some cigarettes now, I kind of forced Niklas to buy em to me on Saturday. But I'm not gonna waste these, I'm gonna smoke em carefully or something. I dunno. Gosh, I'm really crawing for a cigarette now. Dumb stupid brother.
Feels nice being at home now at least.
I feel like if I'll lose weight I'm gonna be happier. I think that's mom's fault. She weighs about 20 pounds less than me. She's so skinny that it's sick. She's supposed to weigh like ten pounds more than me. That makes me really frustrated.
Viking told me yesturday that he wants to gain weight since he's one of the skinniest guys in his class. Fuck him.
Fuck it! I just remembered that I shouldn't smoke now because of the dentists appointment. I'm really dead if they tell my dad that I smoke. Or at least I think I'll be. It's not like he's oblivious, he's already suspecting that I smoke sometimes. And both Amanda and Gustav think that he wouldn't react at all if he found out. I know he will, I just don't know how.
I can feel my self esteem going down the drain.
I was thinking about doing blogging or something similar for a living. It seems like a pretty fun thing to do. Just don't know what to blog about since I don't think reading about me and my life is that interesting. Just depressing.
At least it's sunny. Now.
Anyone got any ideas on something that'll cheer me up?