App Post
Character: Ted Kord, alias Blue Beetle
Series: DC Comics
Age: Early to mid 30s
Job: Public Service Announcer
Canon: Ted Kord was a favored student of Prof. Dan Garrett, the first Blue Beetle. Ted's mentor was killed while helping Ted stop his uncle from conquering the world, but not before Dan passed the hero legacy on to his young friend. He didn't, however, manage to pass on the mystical scarab that granted his superpowers. So now Ted doesn't have the power of flight, or super strength, or laser eyes, but he's smart and he's really good at kicking people in the face. And, by golly, that and a pair of tights is enough to get on the Justice League! Occasional battles to keep his weight under control and a vaguely defined heart condition don't keep him from helping to save the world, even if helping is sometimes just boring monitor duty.
Ted's inventing and detective skills could rival Batman's, but you'd never guess it from his constant wisecracks and gift at playing the buffoon. Because constantly updating and repairing his fancy gadgets and gear can put quite a dent in his savings account, Ted sometimes gets involved in undignified money making schemes. Don't worry; he didn't have much dignity to begin with. Just because he's old enough to have a heart condition doesn't necessarily mean he's mature enough to always act his age. His mouth and silly antics may get him in plenty of trouble, but behind his joking exterior is a normal guy (with a heart condition) who honestly just wants to help the world and works hard to do it. And did I mention the heart condition? Because he will.
Sample Post:
Help the community, Beetle! It's for the children, Beetle! At least it's not monitor duty again, Beetle! I'll tell you this, Superman would never get suckered into one of these promo tours, and the kids would respect him. All I'm getting is smart mouths making fun of my goggles and pointing out my girdle line. If I wanted that, I could have stayed at League Headquarters! Just hope the appearance fee covers the cost of my dignity. Alright, here goes nothing except the last shred of my pride.
Ahem. ... Ah-h-hem. ... HEY! LISTEN UP WHEN A SUPERHERO'S TALKING TO YOU! Geez, isn't the colorful spandex supposed to draw attention? There, that's much better.
Hi there, kiddies! I'm the Blue Beetle and I'm going to talk to you about taking care of your body! Do you find yourself feeling listless or tired often? Do you get cranky with your cabinmates after a nice day of escaping the local wildlife? Don't worry; there's a way to fix all that. Those are the effects of bad diet and exercise habits. But don't despair, children! Uncle Beetle has some handy trips and tricks to get you all in top shape!
For example, if your mind is healthy, your body will be healthy, too. Start eating more "brain foods" like fish and grains. If you're in a rush, or just scared of whatever might come out of that lake, fishsticks work just fine. They've got more fat than a boring ol' filet, which helps keep your brain tender and traps in the succulent flavors of - wait, what? Who wrote this? Listen, if you think you can scare me off just by messing with my cue cards, you're in for a surprise. I've got pages of this stuff and I'm getting paid by the word. If I've got to listen to the crap coming out of my mouth then, by golly, so do all of you!
After refreshing your mind, rejuvenate your body. As a superhero, I know how just how tense constant life or death situations can make a person. Make time to relax. Soak in a nice, hot bath of herbs and spices every day. You can even bring veggies in with you for a snack. If you're the new-age type, some aromatherapy might be just for you. Teriyaki sauce for stress relief, balsamic vinaigrette for a quick energy boost, and always be sure to add a dash of meat tenderizer to help those muscles relax. This is a joke, right? I mean, everybody knows that teriyaki is a confidence enhancing scent. -- Oh, right. Speaking of muscles, those rippling abs of steel and bulging biceps won't help you catch that certain someone's eye if you're so uptight you look constipated all the time. In fact, it could do you some good to cut back on the exercise, and don't worry about gaining some pudge. Think of it as a layer of protective coating! And in a swampy area, those extra pounds might come in handy as an emergency flotation device.
Okay, okay, that is enough. You just snuck that last part in there to make fun of me, didn't you? Well, let me tell you, it's not appreciated. I've got a heart condition, you know! That makes it a little difficult to keep up the old exercise routines, and the last thing I need is grief about it! No, I won't take a stupid warm marinara dip to calm my nerves! Keep your big paycheck, as soon as I do my ending bit, I'm out of here.
This public service announcement was brought to you by Blue Beetle, hero extraordinaire, and the Committee For Undead Dieticians for Better Eating. ... Okay, now I know somebody messed with my cue cards because that can't possibly be League-sanctioned.
((Voting went here, with 98.2% in. W-what the hell, you guys ♥))
Series: DC Comics
Age: Early to mid 30s
Job: Public Service Announcer
Canon: Ted Kord was a favored student of Prof. Dan Garrett, the first Blue Beetle. Ted's mentor was killed while helping Ted stop his uncle from conquering the world, but not before Dan passed the hero legacy on to his young friend. He didn't, however, manage to pass on the mystical scarab that granted his superpowers. So now Ted doesn't have the power of flight, or super strength, or laser eyes, but he's smart and he's really good at kicking people in the face. And, by golly, that and a pair of tights is enough to get on the Justice League! Occasional battles to keep his weight under control and a vaguely defined heart condition don't keep him from helping to save the world, even if helping is sometimes just boring monitor duty.
Ted's inventing and detective skills could rival Batman's, but you'd never guess it from his constant wisecracks and gift at playing the buffoon. Because constantly updating and repairing his fancy gadgets and gear can put quite a dent in his savings account, Ted sometimes gets involved in undignified money making schemes. Don't worry; he didn't have much dignity to begin with. Just because he's old enough to have a heart condition doesn't necessarily mean he's mature enough to always act his age. His mouth and silly antics may get him in plenty of trouble, but behind his joking exterior is a normal guy (with a heart condition) who honestly just wants to help the world and works hard to do it. And did I mention the heart condition? Because he will.
Sample Post:
Help the community, Beetle! It's for the children, Beetle! At least it's not monitor duty again, Beetle! I'll tell you this, Superman would never get suckered into one of these promo tours, and the kids would respect him. All I'm getting is smart mouths making fun of my goggles and pointing out my girdle line. If I wanted that, I could have stayed at League Headquarters! Just hope the appearance fee covers the cost of my dignity. Alright, here goes nothing except the last shred of my pride.
Ahem. ... Ah-h-hem. ... HEY! LISTEN UP WHEN A SUPERHERO'S TALKING TO YOU! Geez, isn't the colorful spandex supposed to draw attention? There, that's much better.
Hi there, kiddies! I'm the Blue Beetle and I'm going to talk to you about taking care of your body! Do you find yourself feeling listless or tired often? Do you get cranky with your cabinmates after a nice day of escaping the local wildlife? Don't worry; there's a way to fix all that. Those are the effects of bad diet and exercise habits. But don't despair, children! Uncle Beetle has some handy trips and tricks to get you all in top shape!
For example, if your mind is healthy, your body will be healthy, too. Start eating more "brain foods" like fish and grains. If you're in a rush, or just scared of whatever might come out of that lake, fishsticks work just fine. They've got more fat than a boring ol' filet, which helps keep your brain tender and traps in the succulent flavors of - wait, what? Who wrote this? Listen, if you think you can scare me off just by messing with my cue cards, you're in for a surprise. I've got pages of this stuff and I'm getting paid by the word. If I've got to listen to the crap coming out of my mouth then, by golly, so do all of you!
After refreshing your mind, rejuvenate your body. As a superhero, I know how just how tense constant life or death situations can make a person. Make time to relax. Soak in a nice, hot bath of herbs and spices every day. You can even bring veggies in with you for a snack. If you're the new-age type, some aromatherapy might be just for you. Teriyaki sauce for stress relief, balsamic vinaigrette for a quick energy boost, and always be sure to add a dash of meat tenderizer to help those muscles relax. This is a joke, right? I mean, everybody knows that teriyaki is a confidence enhancing scent. -- Oh, right. Speaking of muscles, those rippling abs of steel and bulging biceps won't help you catch that certain someone's eye if you're so uptight you look constipated all the time. In fact, it could do you some good to cut back on the exercise, and don't worry about gaining some pudge. Think of it as a layer of protective coating! And in a swampy area, those extra pounds might come in handy as an emergency flotation device.
Okay, okay, that is enough. You just snuck that last part in there to make fun of me, didn't you? Well, let me tell you, it's not appreciated. I've got a heart condition, you know! That makes it a little difficult to keep up the old exercise routines, and the last thing I need is grief about it! No, I won't take a stupid warm marinara dip to calm my nerves! Keep your big paycheck, as soon as I do my ending bit, I'm out of here.
This public service announcement was brought to you by Blue Beetle, hero extraordinaire, and the Committee For Undead Dieticians for Better Eating. ... Okay, now I know somebody messed with my cue cards because that can't possibly be League-sanctioned.
((Voting went here, with 98.2% in. W-what the hell, you guys ♥))