(no subject)
is it just me or do i not have any friends?
it's 8pm on saturday night. chris was over for a bit, but had to go home to take a test. i call megan. she's at her friend's birthday party. how nice. i look at my contact list. christiana's there too. bonnie probably is as well, seeing as how they've all got the same gi-fucking-normous group of friends from middle school and all that shit. tara isn't picking up her phone. gee, all girls so far. do i have any guy friends? keken's always got something depressing on his mind. chris' mom and grandmom are work nazis. anyone else? mmm..... no. jeff is at med school in west virginia. larry lives in PA.. my only real friend i ever had the whole 12 years i lived there. well, i guess that's it. what can i do now? go to the mall? it closes in an hour and 15 minutes, what's the point. after that nothing happens. i could see a late movie, but what's the point? with whom? nobody. i'd be going to the movies alone. how fucking depressing is that? a lot of people apparently are having birthday parties this weekend. of course i'm not invited to any. i have work tomorrow and that's it. that's all i ever fucking do. maybe once a week megan and i do something, then i work. and when i'm not with megan, working, or in school, i'm at home. in my room. with the door closed. doing what? sitting on my fucking computer or reading or playing xbox or psp or something. this is fucking ridiculous. times like this i really fucking hate my life, when reality stares me in the face. as long as i'm occupied, i'm happily oblivious, under the illusion that i have plenty of friends who would love to invite me along to do things with them, like go to dinner, or a concert, or a birthday party, or to a museum, or to see a show, or a movie, or to hang out or sleep over or SOMETHING. but NO, fucking NOBODY wants to do ANYTHING with me. it's god damned ridiculous! i'm under the impression that i'm a reasonably nice, amiable, likeable, individual, but obviously that isn't what makes you friends. not me, anyway, cuz all the other nice, amiable, likeable individuals i know have tons of friends and are always doing something fun. then again, they've all been raised in normal households with loving parents and lived in the same place all their lives so they have plenty of time to make friends who stay with them from elementary and middle school through high school and fuck it probably college too. oh! and college! now i have the absolute JOY of seeing anybody my own age that i was friendly with LEAVE. THATS FUCKING GREAT.
i'm sick of this shit.
it's 8pm on saturday night. chris was over for a bit, but had to go home to take a test. i call megan. she's at her friend's birthday party. how nice. i look at my contact list. christiana's there too. bonnie probably is as well, seeing as how they've all got the same gi-fucking-normous group of friends from middle school and all that shit. tara isn't picking up her phone. gee, all girls so far. do i have any guy friends? keken's always got something depressing on his mind. chris' mom and grandmom are work nazis. anyone else? mmm..... no. jeff is at med school in west virginia. larry lives in PA.. my only real friend i ever had the whole 12 years i lived there. well, i guess that's it. what can i do now? go to the mall? it closes in an hour and 15 minutes, what's the point. after that nothing happens. i could see a late movie, but what's the point? with whom? nobody. i'd be going to the movies alone. how fucking depressing is that? a lot of people apparently are having birthday parties this weekend. of course i'm not invited to any. i have work tomorrow and that's it. that's all i ever fucking do. maybe once a week megan and i do something, then i work. and when i'm not with megan, working, or in school, i'm at home. in my room. with the door closed. doing what? sitting on my fucking computer or reading or playing xbox or psp or something. this is fucking ridiculous. times like this i really fucking hate my life, when reality stares me in the face. as long as i'm occupied, i'm happily oblivious, under the illusion that i have plenty of friends who would love to invite me along to do things with them, like go to dinner, or a concert, or a birthday party, or to a museum, or to see a show, or a movie, or to hang out or sleep over or SOMETHING. but NO, fucking NOBODY wants to do ANYTHING with me. it's god damned ridiculous! i'm under the impression that i'm a reasonably nice, amiable, likeable, individual, but obviously that isn't what makes you friends. not me, anyway, cuz all the other nice, amiable, likeable individuals i know have tons of friends and are always doing something fun. then again, they've all been raised in normal households with loving parents and lived in the same place all their lives so they have plenty of time to make friends who stay with them from elementary and middle school through high school and fuck it probably college too. oh! and college! now i have the absolute JOY of seeing anybody my own age that i was friendly with LEAVE. THATS FUCKING GREAT.
i'm sick of this shit.