(no subject)
Yesterday I was running on 11 hours of sleep. How cool? The day wasn't as busy as expected because I skipped Psych. I went to the sexual harassment meeting which ran late so I had to cancel my therapist session. Rescheduled it to Monday. Kind of sucks. I got to deal though.
Dinner. I hate Dinner. I can't say I hate dinner. But I am beginning to associate it with sad feelings. Everyday at dinner my feelings get hurt. I don't mind getting picked on sometimes but sometimes it goes way too far. It is probably because I freak out but whatever. I freak out because I am pissed but yet it doesn't stop. Like last night, here goes the conversation. Don't qoute me
((Jeff says some weak comeback))
Steve: Wow that was pretty bad
Me: No on has worse come backs than me
Myles: true
Steve: Jeff and Amber should be a tag team. Me and myles too
Jeff: naw thats not far
Steve: well your team has Ambers voice
Pause
They laugh histerically at my voice.
Maybe if people knew I were insecure. Wait I tell them all the fucking time. There are certain things I am insecure about: my weight, my teeth and my voice. My voice may be annoying anyway but my teeth cause it to have a lisp. So fuck you all. If you were my friends you wouldn't get that personal. Jeff called me a whale last week. I almost died. When all of them laughed at my voice, I was crushed. I spent all my life made fun of, insecure. It won't end. People tell me I have got to love myself. What does it matter if I can't even make my friends love me? Don't give me that bullshit if you love yourself they will love you too. It is no ones fault but theirs for making fun of me. I didn't deserve that no matter how much I hate myself. Fuck everyone.
Dinner. I hate Dinner. I can't say I hate dinner. But I am beginning to associate it with sad feelings. Everyday at dinner my feelings get hurt. I don't mind getting picked on sometimes but sometimes it goes way too far. It is probably because I freak out but whatever. I freak out because I am pissed but yet it doesn't stop. Like last night, here goes the conversation. Don't qoute me
((Jeff says some weak comeback))
Steve: Wow that was pretty bad
Me: No on has worse come backs than me
Myles: true
Steve: Jeff and Amber should be a tag team. Me and myles too
Jeff: naw thats not far
Steve: well your team has Ambers voice
Pause
They laugh histerically at my voice.
Maybe if people knew I were insecure. Wait I tell them all the fucking time. There are certain things I am insecure about: my weight, my teeth and my voice. My voice may be annoying anyway but my teeth cause it to have a lisp. So fuck you all. If you were my friends you wouldn't get that personal. Jeff called me a whale last week. I almost died. When all of them laughed at my voice, I was crushed. I spent all my life made fun of, insecure. It won't end. People tell me I have got to love myself. What does it matter if I can't even make my friends love me? Don't give me that bullshit if you love yourself they will love you too. It is no ones fault but theirs for making fun of me. I didn't deserve that no matter how much I hate myself. Fuck everyone.