The usual...

[bamatrixie]

So I'm at school once again. I am just about tired of having to use the COEHS comp lab to do everthing! Need a new computer!!! Grrr... Anyway, my life is being constantly upturned... Just when I think I have things pretty well straightened out, things flip again... I have this buddy. He is one of those great guys that I just generally like to hang out with. He's fun & funny & nothing is serious. I like that. However, he is now throwing very mixed signals... I was completely comfortable in our friendship, and now I'm so very confused. Story of my life, huh? Anyway, to make a long story short, I fell asleep at his house the other day after a night of general debauchery (YAY OCEAN!)... It was nice... For the first time in a long time, I slept through the entire night. Next day, things were still normal... cool... (thought they would be awkward, but they weren't)... Then, last night I fell asleep again. Yes, I know. I see a pattern. To all of you who know me personally, this is nothing new. For those of you who don't, I have a tendency to fall asleep at people's houses... Usually I have to be extremely comfortable with the person, but it happens... Anyway, I wake up this morning in a sleepy haze & realize I can't move. The reason being that this guy has his massive (I'm talking could crush you in a heartbeat) arms wrapped around me. Can you say "awkward?" Not because I'm physically in bed with this guy, but because we are supposed to be nothing more than friends... It gets worse (or better depending on how you look at it)... We both kind of hazily wake up and morning pillow-talk insues with both of us being quite careful not to open our "morning breath mouths" too wide... He was doing that oh-so-soothing "hand caressing my stomach and back" move, which turned into the breast fondling move, which turned into-- I'll let you use your imagination... Now before you get too carried away, I have not had sex in a very long time, and will probably continue on that way... So to all you dirty minded people, stuff it... Anyway, things were getting a bit too heated for me (not knowing what would happen), so I decided it was time for me to go home and get ready for school. He didn't stop me, so I assume it was cool with him. (And yes, I've talked to him this morning & we're ok)... My biggest thing is that I don't want to lose a friendship over any of this... Sure, dating might be fun, but I still don't think I'm ready. After the date with the other guy, I think I can safely say I don't really want to be involved with someone right now. Seeing, maybe. Hanging out, making out, sleeping, ok. But not the whole hook, line & sinker. I am just not ready to be hurt again. This one has great potential to break my heart... I just don't want to go there... After all, Jimmy broke my heart & Jason ruined me for all other men ; ) haha... Love ya'll, t
PS For you who wish to remain nameless, grow a pair will ya? Its sad that a grown man feels the need to tip-toe around people... Not trying to be a bitch, just man up ok?