I can't help myself
"When once the itch of literature befalls a man, nothing can alleviate it but the scratching of a pen." So, I tried to end my journal, but this story was TOO good not to tell.
So today was an interesting day in my world; I walked with God, I talked with a friend who I have been hurting and who has been hurting me for the better part of a year, and I was reminded that even in the midst of sorrow, there is a side of life that makes us know that things could be a lot worse.
In the evening, I was feeling quite frazzled and sad, and I had been looking for my very own copy of the original Broadway Cast Recording of Jekyll & Hyde. Yes, I know that there are friends I have that own it, but I wanted my own, don't ask me why. Anyway, so I was on the other side of town, and I was led by the spirit to visit an old flame of mine. I was completely unsure of how to go about this, considering that I haven't spoken with her in a few months, and the last time I did, it was a chance happening at Parkway Place mall. However, since I was in the area, I just felt like I should go there and see if she might be there. Well, I looked in Sam Goody for my CD, no luck. I would have to go all the way out to Jones Valley for that. This of course, meant that the only reason I was in the mall was to see Kimberly, my old flame.
A word about Kimberly: I have never in my life despised anyone more than I despise this girl. I mean, it wasn't just that she completely played me and then dropped me when I wouldn't have sex with her, but it was also that she just wasn't a very nice person. So when my heart was having warm, nostalgic fuzzies for this snake in the grass, I figured it could only be the Holy Spirit leading me into something that surely would be a lesson straight from God. Well, what ensued wasn't exactly a lesson, but more of an anecdote from a God who most definitely has a sense of humor. So of course, I'm walking the mall wondering why I am doing so, and randomly... there is the slightly bustier than I remembered figure of Kimber.
Another word about Kimberly: the fact that she works at that mall would seem to make my "chance meeting" with her seem far less supernatural; however, we are talking about a girl who has not, to my knowledge, held a steady job for more than 6 weeks at any point in her young life. Therefore, seeing as how it had been so long since I'd seen her there, the chances of her still working at the same place were about as likely as a chance piece of wood breaking off of a cane, flying approximately twenty-five feet at a bearing of 250 degrees and an angle of nearly 45 degrees, and landing squarely on the power strip of a surge protector that powered a very unfortunate keyboard. All the same, I am walking through the mall and I see her. Of course, that part of me that has the instinct to run from everything the Spirit tells me to do told me to go get a drink at chick fil a. Well, seeing as how I had a few extra dollars and a few extra minutes, I did. But, my resolve got the best of me and I marched up to her. "hey, stranger," I said. She actually seemed quite pleasantly surprised to see me. So I sparked up a conversation, mentioning Jekyll & Hyde and my current show. She seemed quite impressed about both. The conversation followed to my acceptance to FSU. She seemed even more impressed. Then, I asked her what was going on in her world.
"Not much," she replied. She reminded me that she was getting married, and that they had recently bought a new bar set; six shot dispensers that could hold three bottles each, and they had enough liquor to fill them ALL. I was thuroughly impressed. She told me of the WEDDING RING she was having designed by the jewelry store in the mall, and how it would be white gold engraved in yellow gold with the BODY OF A DRAGON. Really classy for a matrimonial piece, if you ask me. She informed me that they were living together (much to the chagrin of her parents, who I had always considered nice people despite their eccentricity), and that he was her "phillipino baby." Her phone rang, and it was him. She began talking to him like one would talk to a small child, and I heaved a sigh of joy that it wasn't me (but only on the inside). Once she was off the phone, she moved on to her newest piercings, that of her eyebrow, nose, and her newest belly button ring. In displaying to me her new belly button ring, I noticed how though her chest had filled out, her belly button was quite hairier than I remembered it. It was one of those things in life that make you go "yyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhh!" (but only on the inside). Anyway, so I mentioned my friend Ky who still has a purple/white (that looks pink) eyebrow ring. She countered with her soon to be hubby's piercings: ears, eyebrows, lip, nipples, 6 surface piercings on his collar bone, belly button, and as of this thursday, his penis. Begging for a less disgusting subject, I asked her of her plans once they wed. She said that she wanted to have a baby. She said that she had always wanted to have a baby (which had been the case with me... or at least she wanted to make a baby with me; having it I'm sure was another story). She asked me of my relationship situation, and as tactfully as I could, I informed her that I had been dating this girl off and on for about a year, and that recently we had had a spat and that I'd not exactly made her birthday a bundle of joy (no pun intended). I informed her of my gift to the girl, a first edition book by comedic genius Douglas Adams. She looked at me as if I had spoke Latin. Then again, she had never been the intellectual type. The conversation moved to international travel; I informed her that I wanted to spend the summer of 2006 living in Germany for the World Cup. Another deer-in-the-headlight look. I informed her that it was the world's largest sporting event, drawing roughly ten times the crowd the Superbowl draws. She informed me that she and her baby had spent over three hundred dollars at spencers so she was entered thirty times into a contest that could win a trip for two to New Orleans. I kindly helped her close her stand, and left feeling better than I had in a long time.
As I walked off, in my mind I was on my knees thanking God in three ways: 1, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I AM SINGLE. IT MAY SUCK SOMETIMES, BUT YOU HAVE JUST SHOWN ME A WONDERFUL UPSIDE! 2, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I AM NOT DATING HER, FOR SHE IS DUMBER AND LESS CLASSY THAN I REMEMBER IN MY WILDEST NIGHTMARES. 3, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I'M NOT HER!
As I reached the parking lot, I had to recap the entire thing in my head.
Me:
Current relationship status: single
Current employment status: friendly bookstore
Intellectual level: existant
Sports knowledge: Doesn't deserve mention
Current achievements: Playing supporting role in a popular high school show, playing lead in upcoming community theatre show
College experience: Future BFA candidate at Florida State University, the 8th ranked theatre school in America
Goals and aspirations: successful acting career, worldwide high adventure, global evangelism
Kimber:
Current relationship status: attached, possible marriage pending
Current employment status: snobbish sunglasses kiosk
Intellectual level: Questionable (i'm trying to be generous, here)
Sports knowledge: NON EXISTANT
Current achievements: Purchase of a bar set that reveals that she posesses at least 18 different kinds of hard liquor
College experience: University of Alabama Huntsville or Calhoun Community College. Degree????
Goals and aspirations: get a ring, pop out a kid.
Many times in life I have been at rock bottom, deep in the pits of sin and clueless as to how to get out. At those times, God would come along, reveal my sin and show me the way home. Yesterday and today I found myself at rock bottom but not in sin, just heartbroken. So, the God of humor took me on a journey not to reveal to me where I was going wrong, but to simply ask me the rhetorical question: "Aren't you glad this isn't you?" And in doing so, he revealed to me that in the two years I had been single since I dated her, I had found my passion. In the next year, though I was with someone at times, I solidified those passions into the plan for a world class education and career and positioned myself to pursue my dreams with passion and fervor never before seen by this world. I distinctly remember that when we went out, this was a girl that had dreams and passions. So much for that! In the three years since we dated, I have made strides toward my dreams, and she's taken strides toward the delivery room. In those three years, though I have tripped and fallen hard and far from Him, I have always come back to Him who is the source of my life. She, on the other hand, has not. If ever there were a case for Christ, this is it. But that kind of religious talk nearly ruins the humor of meeting someone of whom I thought the world, and the fact that she is now settled for a mediocre life while I, having been played by her, dumped by her, and shunned by her, am now closer to making an impression in this world than she may ever be, heaven forbid. Ain't success a biznatch?
As I drove away, I realized that God had made me feel better by showing me a few things: 1, a glimpse of what my life might have been if I had gotten what I had prayed for three years ago, that we would never break up. 2, in light of that, that made me feel a lot better about my current heartbreak. For if I cling to Him, I believe that He will prosper me as He sees fit. Even so, I still believe in my current flame's dreams. I believe she has the power to reach them, and that she will do everything she desires to. Yes, I hope I get to witness that, but if I don't, I still have the success granted me by God. 3, that conversation was funny as hell!
The floor is officially re-opened.
So today was an interesting day in my world; I walked with God, I talked with a friend who I have been hurting and who has been hurting me for the better part of a year, and I was reminded that even in the midst of sorrow, there is a side of life that makes us know that things could be a lot worse.
In the evening, I was feeling quite frazzled and sad, and I had been looking for my very own copy of the original Broadway Cast Recording of Jekyll & Hyde. Yes, I know that there are friends I have that own it, but I wanted my own, don't ask me why. Anyway, so I was on the other side of town, and I was led by the spirit to visit an old flame of mine. I was completely unsure of how to go about this, considering that I haven't spoken with her in a few months, and the last time I did, it was a chance happening at Parkway Place mall. However, since I was in the area, I just felt like I should go there and see if she might be there. Well, I looked in Sam Goody for my CD, no luck. I would have to go all the way out to Jones Valley for that. This of course, meant that the only reason I was in the mall was to see Kimberly, my old flame.
A word about Kimberly: I have never in my life despised anyone more than I despise this girl. I mean, it wasn't just that she completely played me and then dropped me when I wouldn't have sex with her, but it was also that she just wasn't a very nice person. So when my heart was having warm, nostalgic fuzzies for this snake in the grass, I figured it could only be the Holy Spirit leading me into something that surely would be a lesson straight from God. Well, what ensued wasn't exactly a lesson, but more of an anecdote from a God who most definitely has a sense of humor. So of course, I'm walking the mall wondering why I am doing so, and randomly... there is the slightly bustier than I remembered figure of Kimber.
Another word about Kimberly: the fact that she works at that mall would seem to make my "chance meeting" with her seem far less supernatural; however, we are talking about a girl who has not, to my knowledge, held a steady job for more than 6 weeks at any point in her young life. Therefore, seeing as how it had been so long since I'd seen her there, the chances of her still working at the same place were about as likely as a chance piece of wood breaking off of a cane, flying approximately twenty-five feet at a bearing of 250 degrees and an angle of nearly 45 degrees, and landing squarely on the power strip of a surge protector that powered a very unfortunate keyboard. All the same, I am walking through the mall and I see her. Of course, that part of me that has the instinct to run from everything the Spirit tells me to do told me to go get a drink at chick fil a. Well, seeing as how I had a few extra dollars and a few extra minutes, I did. But, my resolve got the best of me and I marched up to her. "hey, stranger," I said. She actually seemed quite pleasantly surprised to see me. So I sparked up a conversation, mentioning Jekyll & Hyde and my current show. She seemed quite impressed about both. The conversation followed to my acceptance to FSU. She seemed even more impressed. Then, I asked her what was going on in her world.
"Not much," she replied. She reminded me that she was getting married, and that they had recently bought a new bar set; six shot dispensers that could hold three bottles each, and they had enough liquor to fill them ALL. I was thuroughly impressed. She told me of the WEDDING RING she was having designed by the jewelry store in the mall, and how it would be white gold engraved in yellow gold with the BODY OF A DRAGON. Really classy for a matrimonial piece, if you ask me. She informed me that they were living together (much to the chagrin of her parents, who I had always considered nice people despite their eccentricity), and that he was her "phillipino baby." Her phone rang, and it was him. She began talking to him like one would talk to a small child, and I heaved a sigh of joy that it wasn't me (but only on the inside). Once she was off the phone, she moved on to her newest piercings, that of her eyebrow, nose, and her newest belly button ring. In displaying to me her new belly button ring, I noticed how though her chest had filled out, her belly button was quite hairier than I remembered it. It was one of those things in life that make you go "yyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhh!" (but only on the inside). Anyway, so I mentioned my friend Ky who still has a purple/white (that looks pink) eyebrow ring. She countered with her soon to be hubby's piercings: ears, eyebrows, lip, nipples, 6 surface piercings on his collar bone, belly button, and as of this thursday, his penis. Begging for a less disgusting subject, I asked her of her plans once they wed. She said that she wanted to have a baby. She said that she had always wanted to have a baby (which had been the case with me... or at least she wanted to make a baby with me; having it I'm sure was another story). She asked me of my relationship situation, and as tactfully as I could, I informed her that I had been dating this girl off and on for about a year, and that recently we had had a spat and that I'd not exactly made her birthday a bundle of joy (no pun intended). I informed her of my gift to the girl, a first edition book by comedic genius Douglas Adams. She looked at me as if I had spoke Latin. Then again, she had never been the intellectual type. The conversation moved to international travel; I informed her that I wanted to spend the summer of 2006 living in Germany for the World Cup. Another deer-in-the-headlight look. I informed her that it was the world's largest sporting event, drawing roughly ten times the crowd the Superbowl draws. She informed me that she and her baby had spent over three hundred dollars at spencers so she was entered thirty times into a contest that could win a trip for two to New Orleans. I kindly helped her close her stand, and left feeling better than I had in a long time.
As I walked off, in my mind I was on my knees thanking God in three ways: 1, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I AM SINGLE. IT MAY SUCK SOMETIMES, BUT YOU HAVE JUST SHOWN ME A WONDERFUL UPSIDE! 2, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I AM NOT DATING HER, FOR SHE IS DUMBER AND LESS CLASSY THAN I REMEMBER IN MY WILDEST NIGHTMARES. 3, THANK YOU, O LORD, THAT I'M NOT HER!
As I reached the parking lot, I had to recap the entire thing in my head.
Me:
Current relationship status: single
Current employment status: friendly bookstore
Intellectual level: existant
Sports knowledge: Doesn't deserve mention
Current achievements: Playing supporting role in a popular high school show, playing lead in upcoming community theatre show
College experience: Future BFA candidate at Florida State University, the 8th ranked theatre school in America
Goals and aspirations: successful acting career, worldwide high adventure, global evangelism
Kimber:
Current relationship status: attached, possible marriage pending
Current employment status: snobbish sunglasses kiosk
Intellectual level: Questionable (i'm trying to be generous, here)
Sports knowledge: NON EXISTANT
Current achievements: Purchase of a bar set that reveals that she posesses at least 18 different kinds of hard liquor
College experience: University of Alabama Huntsville or Calhoun Community College. Degree????
Goals and aspirations: get a ring, pop out a kid.
Many times in life I have been at rock bottom, deep in the pits of sin and clueless as to how to get out. At those times, God would come along, reveal my sin and show me the way home. Yesterday and today I found myself at rock bottom but not in sin, just heartbroken. So, the God of humor took me on a journey not to reveal to me where I was going wrong, but to simply ask me the rhetorical question: "Aren't you glad this isn't you?" And in doing so, he revealed to me that in the two years I had been single since I dated her, I had found my passion. In the next year, though I was with someone at times, I solidified those passions into the plan for a world class education and career and positioned myself to pursue my dreams with passion and fervor never before seen by this world. I distinctly remember that when we went out, this was a girl that had dreams and passions. So much for that! In the three years since we dated, I have made strides toward my dreams, and she's taken strides toward the delivery room. In those three years, though I have tripped and fallen hard and far from Him, I have always come back to Him who is the source of my life. She, on the other hand, has not. If ever there were a case for Christ, this is it. But that kind of religious talk nearly ruins the humor of meeting someone of whom I thought the world, and the fact that she is now settled for a mediocre life while I, having been played by her, dumped by her, and shunned by her, am now closer to making an impression in this world than she may ever be, heaven forbid. Ain't success a biznatch?
As I drove away, I realized that God had made me feel better by showing me a few things: 1, a glimpse of what my life might have been if I had gotten what I had prayed for three years ago, that we would never break up. 2, in light of that, that made me feel a lot better about my current heartbreak. For if I cling to Him, I believe that He will prosper me as He sees fit. Even so, I still believe in my current flame's dreams. I believe she has the power to reach them, and that she will do everything she desires to. Yes, I hope I get to witness that, but if I don't, I still have the success granted me by God. 3, that conversation was funny as hell!
The floor is officially re-opened.