no turning back now

[bamajacob]

i know i can never attone for what i have done. there is no excuse. there is noone else to blame but myself. i forever sinned against you. nothing i can do can change that. i dont ask you to trust me, i dont ask you to even want anything to do with me. i wouldnt blame you if you never talked to me again, if you hated me forever. this is something that should have never happened and i allowed it to escalate into this giant fiasco it is in now. i am speaking to noone but the main people involved, and that happens to be just 2 people. anyone else who thinks they have an opinion, or they know whats going on, or anything along those lines, i will tell you now that you know absolutely nothing and to stay out of this. im asking as nicely as i can, please do not get yourselves involved with this, for it is not your business. when this is all said and done, and we are all gone from highschool, perhaps some worth can be gleaned from this incident. but as for now and will ever shall be, this is between me and god.

as for she whom was mislead, i am profoundly sorry. perhaps i believed that this would be acceptable and soon forgotten. i was distinctly wrong, and i hope that maybe some day you will find it somewhere to forgive me. i realise that i am not who i once was. somewhere i have changed, and i see not for the better. there is no fooling myself now, i cannot will something into being that doesnt exist. i realize now, that which i could never see before. the consequences of my complete failure, i probably have not even yet begun to see...

i wanna be pushed aside, so let me go
let me take back my life
id rather be all alone
anywhere on my own
yes, i can say
the very worst part of you: is me