I'm fucked up in the head. So what.
I love that angry glint I get in my eye when I realise I just insulted someone beyond reconciliation. I’m never angry at myself for upsetting them, I’m angry at them for getting upset over something so benign. I don’t ever even want to be nicer to them. I want to be meaner.
It's not that I don't care. I really do care. Just about the wrond things, I know that.
I care about fucking people around more. Hurting their feelings more. Making them so internally irritated that in their confused attempts to regurgitate what I've done to them back at me. I can send blow after blow towards them, demeaning everything they say. Belittling them so much they have that fear in their eyes that says that they think I'm right. I know I'm right. I know its malicious but I love every second of it.
The worst part is; I know somethings clearly wrong with these feelings, but I don't wanna make them go away.
It's not that I don't care. I really do care. Just about the wrond things, I know that.
I care about fucking people around more. Hurting their feelings more. Making them so internally irritated that in their confused attempts to regurgitate what I've done to them back at me. I can send blow after blow towards them, demeaning everything they say. Belittling them so much they have that fear in their eyes that says that they think I'm right. I know I'm right. I know its malicious but I love every second of it.
The worst part is; I know somethings clearly wrong with these feelings, but I don't wanna make them go away.