i havent updated a real update in a while...

[bam2the_xtreme]

so here i am. i'm still walking this earth as unhappy as can be. i even asked josh montoya for advice yesterday about how he deals with depression. i cry uncontrollably for long periods of time when things are seemingly ok. i have verious reasons why i cry, but they shouldnt be making me cry. *sigh* the only time i'm "happy" is when i'm with lauren and whitney. they help me keep up my facade and act like everything is ok in the world. i can laugh and have fun for that little bit of time. but the novelty of it kinda wears off as soon as i get out of their cars at the end of the night. i'm having issues. josh is a godsend (and yes i say that even as an agnostic). he is the only person who has recommended help and done it in a completely unobtrusive way that hasn't offended me. if you're reading this josh, thank you. you gave me a bit of hope. ♥ lauren you have changed my life, thank you ♥ and whitney, you make those drear moments seem not so bad ♥

and on a funny note... "your penis is kinda nice, too bad you're attached to it." --- Mena Suvari on my favorite show, six feet under.