(no subject)

[baltimazation]

fuck my parents. they dont understand things from my point of view because they cant, theyve progressed past the state of maturity that i am at, so now they know what is right and know how they shouldve been. now they want to go back in time and do the right thing. they do this via having me riding bitch to their every whim. see, about 2 years ago, their mental image of me truly mattered. i dont know why it did, but it did. all of a sudden, from about the last year to now, i truly couldnt care less about how they think of me (i say that now, but im pretty sure i dont entirely think that). i think this because i fucking know what the fuck is right and what is wrong. its directly because of them that when i do things that are wrong, it doesnt bother me sometimes. either because they dont let me figure out that said deviance from their predetermined path of righteousness yields bad consiquences, or that ive done right for so long, that right is boring, and wrong needs to be explored, or (this happens seldom) just to spite them. i already know the main idea of my person when i grow up. it is impossible to say, so i wont try. this is the most drama that my life ever encounters. normal kids's drama consists of some shit fuck relationship going sour and them crying about it(now that i re read this, i believe this is jealousy of them that i am experiancing). it is too difficult to describe how, but its because of them that i fear that i will never know said drama because i am fucking scared to encounter it because of how much theyve proven to me that it sucks. its because of them that i fear i will never love someone, because i 'loved' (family love) them and now theyre fucking me. i fear that if i love another person i will soon be fucked. i cant even begin to comprehend fucking why. i havent liked a girl in fucking ages. dont get me wrong, im not fucking homosexual, i just cant decypher why i dont like any girl that ive recently encountered, i want to so fucking bad. i just want to have the ability to fall in love. but that amenity has been raped from my personal psychology. no one has the ability to appreciate the dreadfully loathsome idea that love or even a simple presueable crush is not a part of god damned social life. i am socially incapaciated in the fact that when ever i do think i may like a girl, i dont know what to do with these feelings, so they either fester inside of me, like they are now, or they simply peeter out which produce feelings of depression and all that bull shit... fuck. this sucks. i hate it.

meh i may have been abit rash in saying such things, but the main idea still stands for each topic that i addressed.