Memory
I currently sit in my Grandparent's living room in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. I like it here. It's a place of peace. At my grandparent's house, life is simple, easy, and lacks difficult questions. No, "What are you doing about [insert major life event/decision here], just, "What can I fix you to eat?" and, "How was your play?".
However, it made me realize how far the sinister tendrils of nostalgia can creep. The last time I was here, things were different. I was with different company, and their absence is even more noticible against the backdrop of my sister and her new beau, Marlin. Somehow I thought that I could outrun memory, that it couldn't chase me out past the California border. I was wrong.
I'm missing Becky's party tomorrow. This saddens me. I thought it was going to be at normal party time, 7-8ish, but recently took another look at the invite and saw it was noon. Sadness. Well, I'm sure everyone will have a fine time even without my presence.
I currently waver at the brink. A few weeks ago I had found some sort of strange, though still shaky and weak, confidence. I was going places, doing things, and saying things that would I would normally not. And then, I lost it. I could attribute it to a number of things, but I think it's best attributed to just that. A number of things. It was probably no one thing that did it. But now, I simply don't know. Am I confident? Am I attractive? Am I liked? I don't know anymore. I'm hoping things go well soon, a new circle of fast friends, a wonderful young girl whom finds me witty and attractive, a windfall of any sort. I'm quite sick of the gray.
Well, the seasons change, and hopefully so shall this. My rehearsals start soon, much to my excitement. I truly hope it will be a good time. I need one right now.
However, it made me realize how far the sinister tendrils of nostalgia can creep. The last time I was here, things were different. I was with different company, and their absence is even more noticible against the backdrop of my sister and her new beau, Marlin. Somehow I thought that I could outrun memory, that it couldn't chase me out past the California border. I was wrong.
I'm missing Becky's party tomorrow. This saddens me. I thought it was going to be at normal party time, 7-8ish, but recently took another look at the invite and saw it was noon. Sadness. Well, I'm sure everyone will have a fine time even without my presence.
I currently waver at the brink. A few weeks ago I had found some sort of strange, though still shaky and weak, confidence. I was going places, doing things, and saying things that would I would normally not. And then, I lost it. I could attribute it to a number of things, but I think it's best attributed to just that. A number of things. It was probably no one thing that did it. But now, I simply don't know. Am I confident? Am I attractive? Am I liked? I don't know anymore. I'm hoping things go well soon, a new circle of fast friends, a wonderful young girl whom finds me witty and attractive, a windfall of any sort. I'm quite sick of the gray.
Well, the seasons change, and hopefully so shall this. My rehearsals start soon, much to my excitement. I truly hope it will be a good time. I need one right now.