Move along...
I find it incredibly amazing how many people actually see what I've actually been incredibly good at hiding for so long and all of a sudden can't hide any more.
I'm not happy.
I'M NOT HAPPY.
I'm just not sure I ever really was. Which is kinda more saddening and depressing to realize that kind of thing.
It's not that I don't want to be happy. Far from it, actually. I guess it's just that I don't know how. There have been fleeting moments of less apathy and depression. But, I'm not sure those could really be called happiness...
It's interesting what sets me off any more.
I was crying over All American Reject videos.
I love it when music is relevant to how I feel.
Just so you're aware, Beyonce is currently throwing her crotch around on TV.
Seriously, worst song/video ever.
I feel broken.
I feel beyond stressed.
Beyond frustrated, angry, sad, and I guess alienated.
So weak and vunerable too.
It's great when all of these feelings just pile up on top of each other.
It seems like the people I need to be with are too far away.
It's so difficult to not be hard on myself.
I don't hate myself.
I love myself, I just don't like myself for whatever reason.
I don't know what to do.
Everything feels ridiculously difficult.
Being happy shouldn't be so difficult!
People don't put the proper emphasis on the word angst, it feels like.
Although, perhaps the latinate equivalent, anguish, would be more appropriate.
I feel silly everytime I express this kind of stuff.
Like, it makes it seem so miniscule a thing against the "big picture" or something.
It all feels big to me...
I'm so clouded by it too.
Just clouded.
It's not raining...
Ok, maybe there's a little drizzle...like, a fine mist.
I'm taking so many blows at once, it seems.
My life is so erratic.
I've never really had any stabillity.
The only constant has seemingly been my disappointment in myself.
I have no esteem.
God...this shit's complex.
I'm complex...
...just to make it through...
I'm not happy.
I'M NOT HAPPY.
I'm just not sure I ever really was. Which is kinda more saddening and depressing to realize that kind of thing.
It's not that I don't want to be happy. Far from it, actually. I guess it's just that I don't know how. There have been fleeting moments of less apathy and depression. But, I'm not sure those could really be called happiness...
It's interesting what sets me off any more.
I was crying over All American Reject videos.
I love it when music is relevant to how I feel.
Just so you're aware, Beyonce is currently throwing her crotch around on TV.
Seriously, worst song/video ever.
I feel broken.
I feel beyond stressed.
Beyond frustrated, angry, sad, and I guess alienated.
So weak and vunerable too.
It's great when all of these feelings just pile up on top of each other.
It seems like the people I need to be with are too far away.
It's so difficult to not be hard on myself.
I don't hate myself.
I love myself, I just don't like myself for whatever reason.
I don't know what to do.
Everything feels ridiculously difficult.
Being happy shouldn't be so difficult!
People don't put the proper emphasis on the word angst, it feels like.
Although, perhaps the latinate equivalent, anguish, would be more appropriate.
I feel silly everytime I express this kind of stuff.
Like, it makes it seem so miniscule a thing against the "big picture" or something.
It all feels big to me...
I'm so clouded by it too.
Just clouded.
It's not raining...
Ok, maybe there's a little drizzle...like, a fine mist.
I'm taking so many blows at once, it seems.
My life is so erratic.
I've never really had any stabillity.
The only constant has seemingly been my disappointment in myself.
I have no esteem.
God...this shit's complex.
I'm complex...
...just to make it through...