you know, if you break my heart I'll go.
Wow, haven't had a real update in quite a while, eh?
Well, the truth it, I havent really been up to it. I have this little journal for when I'm feeling delirious, but most of the time, I haven't been recording anything. ANYTHING.
Not like things have been bad, or anything.
I guess we could break this down into sections.
Kate
Well, I guess me and Kate are cool again. We sat beside eachohter in the movies (really BAD planning on my part...Kate, Ben, Avery and Jessie were the only ones to show up to the GRAD party), and we were giggling at the same things and talking about how cute Paul Rudd was. She ate my popcorn and one of my ringpops. I had to remind myself at the end of the night, that she really isn't mine anymore, and something like this would never happen again. But still. It was nice.
Stouffville
We're moving on Monday, as opposed to in three weeks time, and I have nothing done. I have a feeling that this is a lie, though, because we have literally nothing packed. What, are we going to get a giant vaccum, suck everything up and turn it to BLOW in the new house? It seems unpractical. Still, I'm taking my vinyl to my moms, on the account of I dont want some beerbellied creeper moving it around (referring to the movers, not my dad). And I really wanted to get some solid fun done in Alliston this summer. And I spent the whole week READING! Honest to blog! Blimey, I've read about a book a day, and its not even good stuff. It's all... Sophie Kinsella and whatnot.
Danny
Yeah, I know we aren't really friends. But I was hoping that throughout this summer we'd get to know eachother and hang out a lot! I asked him to play basketball, but he didnt get the message. I dont know, I feel really upset about this, just because I was looking forward to hanging out with him, sitting in my bedroom playing monopoly or something. I guess it's stupid.
Meghan
I love Meghan, but I think she has some issues that she needs to work out from inside of her. She's always putting herself down, and feeling offended by things like correcting spelling mistakes, and kids messing around at the park. She has some selfesteem issues, I think, and it's fragile to talk about, so I'll leave it. It doesnt really bother me much.
Lisa (W)
Talk about confusion... She told Meghan that she hated me for going in "that bitches [Avery's] pool", and then told me she loved me and she misses me on facebook (Now that I write that out, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is). And the only reason she doesnt like Avery is because she won the French award and not her. I dont want to offend her, or anything, but Avery is REALLY nice, even though she hates her a lot. So is Kate, and Jessie, and Lynelle, and Jillian. The only person she hates that I actually agree with, is Ben. Because I think I really hate him. I seriously have no desire for him to be my friend, at all.
Mr Shaw
God, I miss him. It's like he slapped me across the face, though, by not visiting. I've created several conspiracies on why he didnt show up...
1. Ms Tait told Ms Blunt that I liked him (I already told Ms Blunt that I thought I was in love with an older guy), and she told KMS not to come because I would only end up hurt.
2. He is secretly in love with me and wouldnt be able to hide his emotions.
Somehow, I think the first option is more likely. Although, you never know. Depressed!Missy was pretty sexy!
...NOT.
School
Well, as for graduation, things were a wreck. I never got the courage together to ask Josh Webber to the after party, so I just didnt bother going. But I did go on the last day of school. And I repeat, Ms Blunt is SERIOUSLY the best teacher ever. She will ALWAYS be the best teacher ever. You're probably too far away to realize.
I was valedictorian at grad, and I looked up for one second, scanning the room, seeing if he was there, seeing if he came to see me again. And he wasnt. And I started getting all shaky and teary, and my knees wouldnt stop moving around, and my heart was thumpthumpthumping in my chest, and I wanted to run out and cry into Skipp's shoulder, but of course he wasnt there (he was on his honeymoon). But still, he was the only person I was willing to see at the time. Did you know that I actually was head over heels in love with HIM during the time Mr Shaw was with us? Mhm.
Summer Vacation
Sucks.
I'm very tired, very fed up. I'm at the end of my rope here, guys. At myself, mostly. But with other people, too. I've been putting up with so much bullshit, my whole life. Like what happened with Kate and Ben. What did I do to deserve that? Fucking NOTHING. God knows I was a great friend. I was a better friend to Ben than Kate was, I was a better friend to Kate than Ben was. But still, they chose eachother over me and created this stupid mess, and I fucking hate Ben for it, but with Kate, it's understandable. Or maybe it's not, and I'm not grading her tough enough. Oh well, I guess it doesnt matter. The point is, I stayed strong through all of that (somewhat) and I managed to pull through. With flying colours, if I can add. Anyways, I'm very irratible and bossy these days, because I dont want to put up with anybody elses bull, you know? I dont WANT to be lied to, I dont WANT to be screwed over. I wanted the Famine to be great, so I contributed a lot to it. People friggin' called me a suck up because of if.I mean, what have I ever done to anyone in our class? I've been playing this blonde ditz role my entire life so that people will look me over. So that people wont crinkle their noses and say, "What does mainstream and narcicisstic mean? She must be a freak".
I managed to talk the part. But thats about this. God, I'm annoying myself by jsut thinking about how I used to be.
Well, I'm proud to say, NO MORE! Or, I'll try. It's kind of a habit. But definately not me. It's pretty much my auto-pilot. This journal is me. Strawberry Fields Forever is me. The Catcher in the Rye is me.
See, feeling better already. This is going to be fuckin' great.