boy. have i changed..
my past continues to haunt me.
my untrustworthiness.
my hurts.
my vigorous expedition to be loved has ended.
i am loved.
yet. sometimes for some reason...
i automatically want to reject that love.
My love is amazing.
He repeatedly reminds me that he would never intentionally harm me, or do anything malicious, or do anything to manipulate me.
But, SOMETIMES.
He trys to tell me something and the old me comes back.
I curl into a ball and do not want to talk.
or.
I stay out temporarily.
Listen to him speak..
Somehow get offended by what he says.
Then curl up into a ball.
Because, old me has came back.
And who would want to love me.
I am not that amazing.
I am a failure.
A screw up..
Maybe I will always be battling my old self.
But now.
I will be victorious.
For the old me is old news.
I am new.
I am accepting to love.
I love.
I will not turn my back on my love while he is telling me something I don't like.
I am not selfish.
I am not self sufficient
I am no longer independent
Jesus Christ loves me.
I accept that...
therefore, I accept the love and worry of others.
I accept the responsibility of what comes along with love.
The responsibility to listen. to watch what I say. to be available.
Old ME.is gone.
I declare that right now.
I have the power of the Holy Spirit to trample on SERPENTS! [Luke 10:19]
I will not act in my old selfish ways.
I have been made new.
I am cleansed daily.
I am no longer having suicidal thoughts.
and haven't in a LONG LONG time.
I will show this.
I have joy.
I will share my joy.
I want to eat.
I no longer want to starve myself.
I eat from the bread of life.
My body is a temple.
I will take care of it.
at one point in time...i don't know how i was still alive the way i treated myself.
but now.
i will take care of myself.
i will eat.
i will rest.
i will not busy myself to death.
i declare this now.
♥