Dealin.....Struggling with life
So the past month/month and a half has been about the hardest month ive had in a long time, and im not sure when the end is to come. I really feel like God is testing my commitment level right now, and lately so have i. I'm really struggling with the qestion "do i want to do this?" Part of me does part of me doesn't. I've really seen the enemy throwing some things at me that i could take and run with and use in an arguement to give the church the finger and leave. Things have happened where i could give my Christian friends the finger and leave, but as i say this they could say the same of me, so i guess we're square. But i dunno i really feel apart from God right now. I call out and and all i feel is emptiness and i ask myself "do i have the will to carry on and find the light?" And i don't know, i don't know. On top of this, my mom came into a bunch of money when her mom died, and instead of being awesome and buying me that porche' ive wanted since i was 6 she's remodeling the house and its not feeling like home much right now, walls coming down, floors getting ripped up, new ceilings put in, new windows, new decks, and i dunno not really feeling homey...specially since i'm sleeping in the kitchen right now. Heaven knows when i'll sleep in my room again, maybe in 2 weeks?? and then to put the cherry on the sundae my best buddy travis is leaving for school in just over a week and we really didnt get to hang out this summer, i don't know if it's my fault or what but i really feel us distancing and i really feel like its me i think it's hard for him to be around me at this point in my life, and also to find the time, i mean i can't be around 80% of the people he is associating with right now and thats my fault, but i dunno it still sucks. So i guess i could really use the prayers of any and all who are willing, and any encouragement is always needed and excepted