myself

[balletkid]

you know what i hate about me, i can never seem to become good friends with the people that i reallly want to be good friends with. I think the problem lies within the ways i raised myself, and in the ways my parents raised me. parents raised me to know how to keep good face with the "important people" how not to break social norms, and how to not let people know who you really are, or whats going on behind the scenes, and in the process of this throwing away everything you "think" you care about and doin what will get you money and make you in high esteem in other peoples eyes. and i raised myself to know how much money i will need to survive, getting that, and living life doing what makes me happy, and what i find real purpose in. but i forgot to live out some childish ambition while i was still a child and, and now i feel that i am the little brother trying to show off to his older brother and his friends when i get around people older than me, not even older by a lot, 2,3,4 years and i feel this trying to come out. and i think when it does its annoying, and it comes out around the older people that i want to be friends with and i think they then are all "wow hes like an annoying little brother!" and then ive lost that chance to get to be one of their friends

i hate the little immature kid stuck inside me, i want to be friends with people who i think will be spiritually beneficial to me, people i can learn from, be rubbed of onto, and still have a good time with.

i dunno

Peter