(no subject)
So firstly, I hate the night. I always feel ten times worse after everyone´s gone to bed and it´s night time and there´s nothing for me to do.
It´s also worse cause I would always call Andrew before bed.
I guess I will just have to get used to crying every night. At least for a while.
I´m considering going to bed earlier (before my Tios) and getting up early. For those who know me well, you know how big of a sacrifice this is for me to want to change my sleeping habits.
It really sucks that he was my best friend too. Kinda lost two things in one shot.
As much as he doesn´t deserve me, he did the little things really really fucking well. I miss the little things. (just accidentily quoted a song, oo which one? anyone? anyone?)
Also, almost every object I have here has some relationship to him. I already had to change my chapstick brand, chose a different ring and necklace to wear, and I realized this morning I need new perfume. And how come the most beautiful pair of earrings I have are the ones he gave me? Sucks a whole lot. Also he bought me my gloves and my slippers. Ug.
Also, he sent me an e-mail about the whole - can´t talk about why he actually dumped me - thing and that was all it was. He started it with "Hey" and ended it with "thanks" and I wanted to kill myself. Then I wrote him back with the same into and exit to clarify exactly what I can say and cannot say, and then he wrote back explaining more, and ended with "I hope you´re doing alright."
Which is like this way of... I mean, asking me how I am without really asking me so that if I don´t feel like talking to him I don´t have to and how do I respond to that anyway? Yeah, I´m just dandy, thanks. Or do I go the honest route and say I´m not sure I can ever forgive you for what you´re putting me through and you´re probably going to lose me in every sense you idiot? Like - WHAT?!
I´m sorry I just had to get that out. What am I supposed to do? For now I´m not answering. And judging by the fact it took him this long to tell me that I shouldn´t put that stuff on my lj, we might assume that he hasn´t been reading. But maybe now he is reading. And if so, then he knows all this. But I don´t care. What do I care. He knows exactly how I feel. He knows I feel like shit. He knows exactly what he´s done to me. What an idiot. I´d call him an asshole, but really he´s just a fucking idiot. Idiot is the perfect word. I´ve been using it a lot. And it translates! IDIOTA! Perfecto.
By the way, this doesn´t in anyway stop Mission GORGEOUS & UNSTOPPABLE, for the record.
In fact, yesterday I worked out for 45 minutes, burned 300 Calories (I even ran, which I hate), and though the endorphins didn´t really kick in much, I feel better today for it. If only I could get a dance class here. Hm... Either way, I´m going to be even hotter than I am. Hurrah!
Anyway, but #1 event on the Mission board is this weekend: This weekend I go back to Alsasua for carnival (remember the blood? that was the old tradition, and this weekend is the PARTY), we will all dress up, and I will get drunk off my ass if I have anything to say about it. I will be with my three insane cousins, and they´re insane friends, and I will dance like there is no tomorrow. I will not get tired, we will start at noon tomorrow, and go until noon sunday. MAJOR GAUPASA. I plan on going psychotic. And my cousins will more than lead the way.
You´ll all see pictures monday or tuesday. Much love, and if you get drunk saturday night, take a shot for me, friends. We´ll be together in spirit.
It´s also worse cause I would always call Andrew before bed.
I guess I will just have to get used to crying every night. At least for a while.
I´m considering going to bed earlier (before my Tios) and getting up early. For those who know me well, you know how big of a sacrifice this is for me to want to change my sleeping habits.
It really sucks that he was my best friend too. Kinda lost two things in one shot.
As much as he doesn´t deserve me, he did the little things really really fucking well. I miss the little things. (just accidentily quoted a song, oo which one? anyone? anyone?)
Also, almost every object I have here has some relationship to him. I already had to change my chapstick brand, chose a different ring and necklace to wear, and I realized this morning I need new perfume. And how come the most beautiful pair of earrings I have are the ones he gave me? Sucks a whole lot. Also he bought me my gloves and my slippers. Ug.
Also, he sent me an e-mail about the whole - can´t talk about why he actually dumped me - thing and that was all it was. He started it with "Hey" and ended it with "thanks" and I wanted to kill myself. Then I wrote him back with the same into and exit to clarify exactly what I can say and cannot say, and then he wrote back explaining more, and ended with "I hope you´re doing alright."
Which is like this way of... I mean, asking me how I am without really asking me so that if I don´t feel like talking to him I don´t have to and how do I respond to that anyway? Yeah, I´m just dandy, thanks. Or do I go the honest route and say I´m not sure I can ever forgive you for what you´re putting me through and you´re probably going to lose me in every sense you idiot? Like - WHAT?!
I´m sorry I just had to get that out. What am I supposed to do? For now I´m not answering. And judging by the fact it took him this long to tell me that I shouldn´t put that stuff on my lj, we might assume that he hasn´t been reading. But maybe now he is reading. And if so, then he knows all this. But I don´t care. What do I care. He knows exactly how I feel. He knows I feel like shit. He knows exactly what he´s done to me. What an idiot. I´d call him an asshole, but really he´s just a fucking idiot. Idiot is the perfect word. I´ve been using it a lot. And it translates! IDIOTA! Perfecto.
By the way, this doesn´t in anyway stop Mission GORGEOUS & UNSTOPPABLE, for the record.
In fact, yesterday I worked out for 45 minutes, burned 300 Calories (I even ran, which I hate), and though the endorphins didn´t really kick in much, I feel better today for it. If only I could get a dance class here. Hm... Either way, I´m going to be even hotter than I am. Hurrah!
Anyway, but #1 event on the Mission board is this weekend: This weekend I go back to Alsasua for carnival (remember the blood? that was the old tradition, and this weekend is the PARTY), we will all dress up, and I will get drunk off my ass if I have anything to say about it. I will be with my three insane cousins, and they´re insane friends, and I will dance like there is no tomorrow. I will not get tired, we will start at noon tomorrow, and go until noon sunday. MAJOR GAUPASA. I plan on going psychotic. And my cousins will more than lead the way.
You´ll all see pictures monday or tuesday. Much love, and if you get drunk saturday night, take a shot for me, friends. We´ll be together in spirit.