Last few days on american soil
So this is what I see on a billboard.
Rolling Stone Says:
"Ledger's magnificent performance is an acting miracle."
Does anyone else see how insane this sentence is? I wish I could explain to you why this seems so ludicrous. "An acting miracle." The first time I read it, it didn't even seem grammatically correct. I then realized that it was, it just makes no sense at all. What does that even mean, anyway? Isn't that like, an insult to Heath Ledger?
**He's normally so bad, but he was so good in this movie that it was a MIRACLE!** Not to mention that the word miracle is just totally out of place here. Is this some religious moment? I just don't know. If someone can translate for me how this could make sense, I would appreciate it. Actually, it makes so little sense to me that i'm sure at this point, no logical explanation can pull me back. wtf?
Anyway... Onto other news. I've been having a very nice quiet time with Andrew since I got here. We've been quite good. I out of the blue got upset last night about the whole marriage thing, so I guess I'm not over it as much as I thought. But I know, as much as sometimes I feel on the verge of truely freaking out that until this really fails, I gotta try. You don't come across something like this that often. Even if Andrew *is* an idiot. Which he is. And he knows that. :)
So. I leave Friday. I plan on making a round of phone calls that morning while Andrew's at fencing. So if I love you, you should try and be available. ;) It really sucks that I get no reception here. Oh well.
Back on topic. I'm excited, and terrified. I dont' even know who's picking me up from the airport. Or where I'm meeting them. I figure things will be fine but... I have to say I'm more scared of the whole settling in part than the whole living there for 4 months part. Did I mention I'm arriving into a birthday party? My cousins party is the day I arrive. So I can be overwhelmed with lots of people talking at once. greeeeeeaaaaaaaat.
However, this is what makes me feel better. Before I left Evanston I rediscovered my last journal before college, the one in which I took a two week trip to Spain. A few excerpts:
"It is so old here. There is a wisdom inborn into the people, the dust, the water... The most beautiful aura that none of the people here see...
"But the 12th century chapel especially was... inexplicable. I can only compare it to kind of energy you feel between two people. One stage or off, when there is such a yearning and emotion being put into conflict by anything - space, time, common sense, other emotions... And so a silence emerges, where no one speaks or moves, but the silence is bursting at the seams! Thick. That, THAT is what it was like to stand in this chapel. Alone, no emotion or passion within yourself, but this amazing energy. An invisible glow. It was all I could do just to take it in. I should live here some time. I hope, some summer. I don't know. Vamos a ver. It would be infinitely good for my spanish, too. Also, as a sidenote, God I love mountain hiking. I'd love to live here sometime. A year here would do me so much good. It's such a different place... The people are so relaxed! I need to relax."
"Lots of things have become clear to me in the past few days... I want to live in Spain. At some time, for a long time. I love Spain. I love Spanish. I love my cousins. They are amazing adn wonderful, warm and loving people. I am happy when in Spain."
"I didn't want to leave Spain. No part of me wanted to leave. Because my family there *actively loved me.* I mean, they would go out of their way to do things for me that weren't necessary at all...[examples]... Each of those things were sweet surprises as they tried to make me happy."
That made me feel good about what's to come. They all love me. Makes me feel safe.
So I'm off. I've got music to compile and bags to pack. Much love. I will try and post before I leave the country. :)
PS For those few who know Ethan, I had a bunch of entries about him when we were fooling around. Some favorite quotes, just for fun.
"He doesn't even touch me in public! He is being SO sure that no one will ever know. It seems a bit excessive. It's a bit suspiscious."
"It's ridiculous the control he has over me."
(my personal fav)"Anyhow, it drives me crazy. I want to touch Ethan so bad that I'm like a loose cannon. I just start flirting with the next closest boy."
"We don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I'd just like to have him all to myself."
(Also brilliant)"He doesn't have to write pages upon pages in his diary, but if he could think about me like, 3 times a day when I'm not there. Uh. He doesn't even look at me before I leave. Nuts, I say. I'm going NUTS!"
"...He'll just say whatever he needs to get what he wants."
"Who knows? No one. Who is Ethan Ucker? I wonder if anyone knows."
"When I get back from Spain I think... I think I might be mad at him."
Rolling Stone Says:
"Ledger's magnificent performance is an acting miracle."
Does anyone else see how insane this sentence is? I wish I could explain to you why this seems so ludicrous. "An acting miracle." The first time I read it, it didn't even seem grammatically correct. I then realized that it was, it just makes no sense at all. What does that even mean, anyway? Isn't that like, an insult to Heath Ledger?
**He's normally so bad, but he was so good in this movie that it was a MIRACLE!** Not to mention that the word miracle is just totally out of place here. Is this some religious moment? I just don't know. If someone can translate for me how this could make sense, I would appreciate it. Actually, it makes so little sense to me that i'm sure at this point, no logical explanation can pull me back. wtf?
Anyway... Onto other news. I've been having a very nice quiet time with Andrew since I got here. We've been quite good. I out of the blue got upset last night about the whole marriage thing, so I guess I'm not over it as much as I thought. But I know, as much as sometimes I feel on the verge of truely freaking out that until this really fails, I gotta try. You don't come across something like this that often. Even if Andrew *is* an idiot. Which he is. And he knows that. :)
So. I leave Friday. I plan on making a round of phone calls that morning while Andrew's at fencing. So if I love you, you should try and be available. ;) It really sucks that I get no reception here. Oh well.
Back on topic. I'm excited, and terrified. I dont' even know who's picking me up from the airport. Or where I'm meeting them. I figure things will be fine but... I have to say I'm more scared of the whole settling in part than the whole living there for 4 months part. Did I mention I'm arriving into a birthday party? My cousins party is the day I arrive. So I can be overwhelmed with lots of people talking at once. greeeeeeaaaaaaaat.
However, this is what makes me feel better. Before I left Evanston I rediscovered my last journal before college, the one in which I took a two week trip to Spain. A few excerpts:
"It is so old here. There is a wisdom inborn into the people, the dust, the water... The most beautiful aura that none of the people here see...
"But the 12th century chapel especially was... inexplicable. I can only compare it to kind of energy you feel between two people. One stage or off, when there is such a yearning and emotion being put into conflict by anything - space, time, common sense, other emotions... And so a silence emerges, where no one speaks or moves, but the silence is bursting at the seams! Thick. That, THAT is what it was like to stand in this chapel. Alone, no emotion or passion within yourself, but this amazing energy. An invisible glow. It was all I could do just to take it in. I should live here some time. I hope, some summer. I don't know. Vamos a ver. It would be infinitely good for my spanish, too. Also, as a sidenote, God I love mountain hiking. I'd love to live here sometime. A year here would do me so much good. It's such a different place... The people are so relaxed! I need to relax."
"Lots of things have become clear to me in the past few days... I want to live in Spain. At some time, for a long time. I love Spain. I love Spanish. I love my cousins. They are amazing adn wonderful, warm and loving people. I am happy when in Spain."
"I didn't want to leave Spain. No part of me wanted to leave. Because my family there *actively loved me.* I mean, they would go out of their way to do things for me that weren't necessary at all...[examples]... Each of those things were sweet surprises as they tried to make me happy."
That made me feel good about what's to come. They all love me. Makes me feel safe.
So I'm off. I've got music to compile and bags to pack. Much love. I will try and post before I leave the country. :)
PS For those few who know Ethan, I had a bunch of entries about him when we were fooling around. Some favorite quotes, just for fun.
"He doesn't even touch me in public! He is being SO sure that no one will ever know. It seems a bit excessive. It's a bit suspiscious."
"It's ridiculous the control he has over me."
(my personal fav)"Anyhow, it drives me crazy. I want to touch Ethan so bad that I'm like a loose cannon. I just start flirting with the next closest boy."
"We don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I'd just like to have him all to myself."
(Also brilliant)"He doesn't have to write pages upon pages in his diary, but if he could think about me like, 3 times a day when I'm not there. Uh. He doesn't even look at me before I leave. Nuts, I say. I'm going NUTS!"
"...He'll just say whatever he needs to get what he wants."
"Who knows? No one. Who is Ethan Ucker? I wonder if anyone knows."
"When I get back from Spain I think... I think I might be mad at him."