Cut the Cheese
Well I was such in a pessimistic frame of mind yesterday that I forgot to mention some of the good stuff that came out of my crazy week.
I finally got some money from the Talent Awards. $500 towards my tuition will definitely be helpful.
I also thought I wouldn't get a part in RIC's first mainstage play of the season, The Foriegner. I love that show and think it's hi-freakin-larious. This was the first show I've ever auditioned for at RIC that I really wanted to get in and walked away thinking, "I did not get in that." But! I did. And I'm so excited. And we have an amazing cast. There's only two of us gals (me and Julienne) in a play full of men. I didn't get the part I orginally wanted, however, after going through the script again, I'm thrilled with the part of Betty - a really funny old lady who sorta reminds me of Irene Ryan in her Granny/ Beverly Hillbilly days. My motto for this show is: Play Irene Ryan for an Irene Ryan.
Here's Matthew Brodderick in The Foreinger. Mr. Tom Bentley will be playing this part in our show and I'm pretty sure he's going to blow everyone out of the water with his portrayal.
So I start rehearsing for that in August and it goes up in September.
In a few weeks Kristen Quarterone and I are auditioning for Chicago. Of course....in a perfect world, we want to be Roxie and Velma (respectively). However, I know my chances are slim at getting in. Kristen, however, has great chances at Roxie cause she kicks major toosh. So I can only dream that we could star together in that. Whatdya think?
Yeah....we both want it pretty bad. I'm also trying to convince Erica Borges to try out for Mama Morton. With little coaxing she sang a little bit of When You're Good to Mama for me and she was perfect. People, let's convince Erica to frickin' audition.
And then I'm hoping next Fall to try out for my dream role: Fanny Brice in Funny Girl. For those of you who don't know, Funny Girl is based on the life of the comedienne Fanny Brice who was a star of The Ziegfeld Follies and she also did some movies and radio shows and such. The first time I saw Funny Girl I thought, "This girl is me!!" So...I want to play her. It's times like this when I feel my imperfect nose could help me (although it's far from a Jewish nose.... ah well). I don't plan on getting that role either. I never plan on getting roles I really really want. But I'll certainly try my best. Here's some pictures of the real Fanny.
Younger, older, and below as her Baby Snooks character.
Yup. I wanna be her. Please god please!!!!!
Ok....what else, what else, what else....
Ah!
On my birthday I had an end of the year one on one evaluation with my acting teacher Bob Colonna aka the son of the famous Jerry Colonna (here with Bob Hope) aka the dude who was the voice of the March Hare in Disney's Alice and Wonderland. I just always thought that was a cool FYI because A. I'm a huge Bob Hope fan and I'm jealous his dad got to work with him. And B. I'm a huge Mad Hatter/ March Hare fan and jealous his dad was the frickin voice of one of the characters!
>>>
>>>
Anywho...I really didn't know what to expect. I've really grown fond of Bob this semester and he's sorta been like that crazy uncle you'd like to have. Many would disagree with me but others would gladly agree. I suppose it's all about what each person is willing to take from his class. You need to accept criticism and really listen to what he's trying to tell you. Most people left that class pissed or upset or sometimes close to tears. I always left very fulfilled.
So I sit down on the stage of Gaige across from him and he says how he thinks I've grown in terms of letting "Bonnie" show through or something like that. Well...let me just reiterate the conversation as best as I can recall.
Bob always talked about how many actors choose to be actors to hide behind characters and not show themselves through it. He says "We all think we're not good enough." I never though much of it because, of course, that's true of most actors. Throughout this particular conversation... he kept refering to the both of us as "clowns."
Bob: Us clowns never think we're good enough. We invent these characters to hide behind because we never think that anyone can be interested in us as a person. Somewhere down the line, someone tells us we're not good enough.
Now in my head, I'm nodding because I've heard him tell this before. And then he looked at me straight in the eye with an intensity that I don't think he was even aware he was giving off.
Bob: Some point in your life you were told that you weren't good enough.
And for some strange reason...when he finally made it personal and looked at me as if he knew for a fact that was the case...I became all verklempt inside. I didn't even make any connections like that before but it all made sense. I remember looking at him and trying to hold back tears because for the first time I felt that there was this person who cracked me and knew me because, like he's told me many times, "I used to be like you. You're me when I was younger." I felt like this was the first person I could tell everything to. Despite my calm exterior I was bursting inside. He must have sensed this.
Bob: I don't need to know what these things are. But you were told that you weren't good enough, am I right. (I nodded because my whole life was spent being told that by therapists, teachers, classmates, some friends, some famliy) Yes, that's what I thought. That's why we are the way we are. I'm telling you... you're good enough. You're a remarkable person and to tell you the truth... I don't care half as much as your characters as I do about you. I don't find them half as interesting as you. The most precious moments when you're on stage are the fleeting moments when I see 'you' up there.
My hope is that you find an acting coach to bring this other side of you out because your talent excedes just comedy. Don't limit yourself.
After he went on a little more about acting coaches and classes he asked, "How do you feel right now?" Of course I felt uncomfortable with all the things he was saying. I just laughed and said, "I dunno. I guess I'm a little tired."
And then as if that in itself proved his point, he smiled and said, "No, you're uncomfortable and self-consious. But someday you're going to be able to answer that question like (he snaps) that."
At the end of the conversation he gives me a long hug and says, "I love you."
Now...after this was over I light heartedly joked with people about how completely acting cliche that evauation was. Normally I would make fun of people who would react so strongly to that. But it really wasn't about my acting. It was me as a person. And I realized how emotionally closed off I am to every person in my life, family, friends....everyone. It's hard for me to let people see that side and I'm not sure why but it has driven me to a lifetime of bottling and lonliness within myself. I know it sounds cheesy, but that was the first time I ever felt honest to goodness compassion from someone. I'm not saying no one has ever done anything for me or been kind or generous. But that day someone looked at me and saw the person I thought I hid so well and he was so honest with me and made me feel worthy in a way that no one has before in my entire life. I suppose I can't quite explain it.
And as weird as it was for me to say it, I told him, "I love you too." And I meant it. He's been a wonderful mentor and friend. And his words meant more to me than he'll ever know. I think most poeple think I'm a confident person because alot of people are shocked if they find out all the cosmetic surgery I want to have done within the next couple years. And honestly, I've never been confident as a performer either. So it was really the best birthday present ever. As I mentioned in my last blog, Jen D. then treated me to dinner and dessert afterwards and I was overcome by the kindness given to me that day. I really feel lucky to have such great people in my life right now.
And now faithful blog readers, I promise these cheeseball blog entries will end. I'll go back to analyzing bobsledding and thinking my friends are traffic signs.