That said I am struggling with waves of OVERWHELMING sadness thinking about Sam carrying on. It just seems cruel and like... to much to bear thinking about. We know from MANY examples over the years they don't want to live without each other. Kind of problematic I was rooting for an early death for Sam but it felt merciful! I get that some people think it's nice he got to have a normal life but that montage did not show a happy, normal life. Sam had by far the most tragic life - he spent nearly HALF OF IT without Dean and I just can't think of that without sobbing. BUT, I try to remember Dean spent 40 years in hell and apparently at some point Sam spent 150 years there too? So 40ish years is nothing really. As long as Sam didn't love anyone else more than Dean during that time... (scale of 1 to 10 how weird is it that I'm jealous of a kid on Dean's behalf??)
I really want to know what heaven is like for them. What is an at-peace Dean like? Because I hope he is still codependent AF and like, damaged because it's part of what makes him so great. What will they DO there? I agree that I liked the emptiness of it when Sam wasn't there because it WASN'T complete or perfect, but what comes next? Can they get a cabin in the woods? Get jobs? Is it curtain fic forever? I NEED TO KNOW. Also I need fic where Dean's "I love you so much, my baby brother" is a first time confession and they deal with the fall out in heaven whilst building a new life and home together like I need oxygen.
Anyway, I am so sorry this is a like a chaptered book. I have been desperate to speak to anyone in fandom about this and my flist was dead (by like years) until your post popped up. I have SO MANY FEELINGS and need to speak about them with people!! (ALSO REALLY HOPING all this good wincest content will bring back some of our writers from the early days because I need fic that addresses this chapter of their lives and have no clue where to begin to look these days!).
Oh poor baby :((( Don't be sad!!! He didn't want to live without Dean, but exactly like Dean said, Sam DIDN'T live without him, he was there with him every single step :(((( (lol yes I'm crying now thank you) I also think a lot about what Jack said in the previous episode, about how he's in everyone, all the time. I think that is true for Sam with Dean as well, because they're soulmates, and he just has to remember that. Two halves of the same soul -- there's no way he can't feel Dean waiting for him. The good thing about all the crazy metaphysical nonsense this show gets up to is that it really does make Sam's small normal life that he has without Dean a much lower proportion of his entire being. It's important to Dean that Sam gets to have it, and I think it's important to Sam that he lives that life because Dean COULDN'T have it, and someone has to. And I think Dean is right, and Sam has always been the stronger, more resilient of the two of them, and I think he can be comforted by the mundanities of a family and raising a kid to be a force for good in the world but with all the quiet love and choices and freedom he didn't have. And I think that doesn't need to and in fact can't eclipse his love for Dean. I don't think you need to be jealous of the kid on Dean's behalf!! First of all, I think Dean would want Sam to love that kid like crazy. Secondly, I think there are plenty of people who love their spouses more than their children, and I don't think that's bad or unhealthy at all. ...uhh and yes sorry Dean is the spouse in this situation and not Sam's actual babysitter-wife. Even if Sam does love his wife and kid a ton, I am under no delusion that he loves them more than Dean. Widows/widowers whose truest love dies get remarried and have families all the time but that doesn't mean they love them more than their dead partner. Love is so complex and so big and can feel so wildly different even within the same person.
Because I hope he is still codependent AF and like, damaged because it's part of what makes him so great. I don't think they change who they are in heaven, but I do like to think that Dean won't be damaged in heaven :( I do want him to be at peace. And I think with Sam there, and his dad (a happy peaceful version who has Mary), and no danger, no hunting (unless he wants to dream it up), he can be. He doesn't need anything to be truly happy except Sam and that car and miles of road, tbh, and he has that forever. I do think they'll have a house, like how John and Mary have "a place" down the road. I think probably rather than jobs they can just do whatever they want because they want to -- I'm sure Dean will work on cars and build things and all that junk! IDK that's just what I imagine, but of course I want a million fics about it!!! Agree completely that I want some first-time heaven fic after Sam shows up!!!!
Thanks so much again for chatting with me about this, it's so good to know other people are out there feeling these feelings <333!!!!
Just want to reassure you that Wincest has been alive and kicking this whole time, there are PLENTY of us still around ;) Tons of fic on ao3 but also here on LJ from the challenges, which are very much still running! People fled LJ when the Russians threatened but they did not flee far. I myself had a decade of hiatus - not from the show, but from fandom - due to real life, and worried I'd never find anyone again, but I've gradually picked up quite a few! I do think we lurk though. Because you only have to mention 'Wincest' to get pile-driven into the bedrock by Destihellers these days. That said, and I know Twitter and tumblr can be toxic environments, there are plenty of Wincest accounts on there too! I think fandom just got more spread out and some of the 'oldies' quit watching - and writing - when the show wasn't quite so tip-top amazing any more, which was sort of the crack in the dam. But please do not believe for one moment that fandom is all about Destiel now. Nothing could be further from the truth! Hopefully the finale will bring many back to the fold :D
I really want to know what heaven is like for them. What is an at-peace Dean like? Because I hope he is still codependent AF and like, damaged because it's part of what makes him so great. What will they DO there? I agree that I liked the emptiness of it when Sam wasn't there because it WASN'T complete or perfect, but what comes next? Can they get a cabin in the woods? Get jobs? Is it curtain fic forever? I NEED TO KNOW. Also I need fic where Dean's "I love you so much, my baby brother" is a first time confession and they deal with the fall out in heaven whilst building a new life and home together like I need oxygen.
Anyway, I am so sorry this is a like a chaptered book. I have been desperate to speak to anyone in fandom about this and my flist was dead (by like years) until your post popped up. I have SO MANY FEELINGS and need to speak about them with people!! (ALSO REALLY HOPING all this good wincest content will bring back some of our writers from the early days because I need fic that addresses this chapter of their lives and have no clue where to begin to look these days!).
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Because I hope he is still codependent AF and like, damaged because it's part of what makes him so great.
I don't think they change who they are in heaven, but I do like to think that Dean won't be damaged in heaven :( I do want him to be at peace. And I think with Sam there, and his dad (a happy peaceful version who has Mary), and no danger, no hunting (unless he wants to dream it up), he can be. He doesn't need anything to be truly happy except Sam and that car and miles of road, tbh, and he has that forever. I do think they'll have a house, like how John and Mary have "a place" down the road. I think probably rather than jobs they can just do whatever they want because they want to -- I'm sure Dean will work on cars and build things and all that junk! IDK that's just what I imagine, but of course I want a million fics about it!!! Agree completely that I want some first-time heaven fic after Sam shows up!!!!
Thanks so much again for chatting with me about this, it's so good to know other people are out there feeling these feelings <333!!!!
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