marathon livejournal-writing is lame, but
i just talked to britta and kelsey about last night, and it was sort of embarassing. they both helped me a lot, though. britta talked to me about why i have such problems with confrontation.
the thing is, i don't choose to be passive. i am passive by default when i freeze in a situation where i have to make a decision, and this lack of reaction is negative and not neutral. when i left my apartment last night, i was actually afraid of being around anthony any longer...and it's not exactly a reasonable fear, but i couldn't help it. i felt really helpless until i left.
times like this suck (duh) because it's easy for me to draw a connection between running away from those confrontations and running away from my dad. both my parents would be very insulted and upset if it were to tell them that.
i told britta i might try to pursue counseling. i was trying to do that toward the end of the summer and gave up, but at this point, i think these inhibitions are something adversely affecting my life, and i need someone to talk to.
the thing is, i don't choose to be passive. i am passive by default when i freeze in a situation where i have to make a decision, and this lack of reaction is negative and not neutral. when i left my apartment last night, i was actually afraid of being around anthony any longer...and it's not exactly a reasonable fear, but i couldn't help it. i felt really helpless until i left.
times like this suck (duh) because it's easy for me to draw a connection between running away from those confrontations and running away from my dad. both my parents would be very insulted and upset if it were to tell them that.
i told britta i might try to pursue counseling. i was trying to do that toward the end of the summer and gave up, but at this point, i think these inhibitions are something adversely affecting my life, and i need someone to talk to.