(no subject)
wowowoowowowoowow
i hope everyone reads this.
usualy these things are really lame, but here.. here i have a lot to say.
in english we are supposed to be writing a 7 paragraph essay describing an event in our lives, and i chose kairos. ((naturally)). iu went back through my kairos stuff and read my reflections.
for starters, i cried. because of many reasons.
1 - it all made me think of how much i miss jeff
2 - because it made me remember how wonderful the community there is
3 - because i can feel god next to me when i read them
seriously, i dont give a crap if you are atheist and take offense to this. i believe just like you, i have a right to my own religion or "non religion". i am pro choice 00% and i can be quite abnormal, but I LOVE GOD. he treats me like shit sometimes, but that is just to help me appreciate the good when i get it.
here are some things i said in my reflections
"all i want is more, when you have already given me so much"
"help me to trust everything into your hands"
"right now im asking myself, why do we cry? because we feel it is what we are supposed to do? is it sorrow? what i dont understand is what sorrow is. i mean, is it feeling sorry for yourself or wishing things hadnt happened the way they did? well quite the opposite is true about this week. i have grown so much in faith."
i cant describe how perfect kairos is. why? because only 180 people get to experience it once a year. i cant describe it because you cant find that feeling anywhere else. you cant compare it to a sunny day in a meadow or being in love. no way.
kairos is a place of utter acceptance, everyone there loves you and thinks of you as if you are a god. everyone there wont point and laugh or get emberassed about doing anything, and you can have as much fun as you want. you share opinions nad open up, you cry and laugh and get angry about anything and everything and yet somehow you leave that place wanting to go back for more.
i would suggest you not even try to comprehend that feeling. i also dont think i would want to bring any of you along. if you thought you could be open.. if you could plan on not spending every waking moment with me or expect me to entertain you then find another way there. i dont know.. i mean ive wanted a lot of my friends to come, but we will see.
this is going to be my senior year at kairos. i will cry a lot, but be in the hands with the only people in the world that i love as much as god. the only people in the world that understand me and cherish me as one of gods creations.
seriously, DONT get me wrong i love my friends here, parker and cat god bless you guys so much. <3
also...
there is a boy. well, everyone who reads this will know who im talking about. but i dont know what to say. im not obsessed i sware, but he has got to be the best person.
maybe its the fact that we live far away and dont have to experience each others flaws in person.
or maybe its the fact that he is the only one, that even when i think i have a total crush, i still write in my reflections that i think all i want from him is his friendship.
i couldnt ask for anything more than to hear his voice, or know what he thinks about anything/everything. he has so much conviction that one word from him could captivate my soul for an eternity. perhaps that is dramatising it a bit? but the conversations i have with him make me utterly and completely in a daze. i dont "like" this boy. that word ruins the entire meaning of he and i's friendship. if there were ever any feelings beyond friends they would be far too intense for words. no my friend, if i ever think about "us" when i am around him, it is either about how much i want to hold onto our moments forever and always be talking with him and enjoy his companionship/ friendship. or im thinking nothing, because id rather be enjoying his company than wondering what could/might have been.
there is no "what if" with him. there is no.. "does he like me? will we spend time together? will he call me? will we talk?" no.. there is only the shared moments and memories we have and more to come. when i grow up and find myself turning to god in times of need, i will always think of his shining face in the chapel that so wholeheartedly captivated my soul for those 4 weeks.
i hope everyone reads this.
usualy these things are really lame, but here.. here i have a lot to say.
in english we are supposed to be writing a 7 paragraph essay describing an event in our lives, and i chose kairos. ((naturally)). iu went back through my kairos stuff and read my reflections.
for starters, i cried. because of many reasons.
1 - it all made me think of how much i miss jeff
2 - because it made me remember how wonderful the community there is
3 - because i can feel god next to me when i read them
seriously, i dont give a crap if you are atheist and take offense to this. i believe just like you, i have a right to my own religion or "non religion". i am pro choice 00% and i can be quite abnormal, but I LOVE GOD. he treats me like shit sometimes, but that is just to help me appreciate the good when i get it.
here are some things i said in my reflections
"all i want is more, when you have already given me so much"
"help me to trust everything into your hands"
"right now im asking myself, why do we cry? because we feel it is what we are supposed to do? is it sorrow? what i dont understand is what sorrow is. i mean, is it feeling sorry for yourself or wishing things hadnt happened the way they did? well quite the opposite is true about this week. i have grown so much in faith."
i cant describe how perfect kairos is. why? because only 180 people get to experience it once a year. i cant describe it because you cant find that feeling anywhere else. you cant compare it to a sunny day in a meadow or being in love. no way.
kairos is a place of utter acceptance, everyone there loves you and thinks of you as if you are a god. everyone there wont point and laugh or get emberassed about doing anything, and you can have as much fun as you want. you share opinions nad open up, you cry and laugh and get angry about anything and everything and yet somehow you leave that place wanting to go back for more.
i would suggest you not even try to comprehend that feeling. i also dont think i would want to bring any of you along. if you thought you could be open.. if you could plan on not spending every waking moment with me or expect me to entertain you then find another way there. i dont know.. i mean ive wanted a lot of my friends to come, but we will see.
this is going to be my senior year at kairos. i will cry a lot, but be in the hands with the only people in the world that i love as much as god. the only people in the world that understand me and cherish me as one of gods creations.
seriously, DONT get me wrong i love my friends here, parker and cat god bless you guys so much. <3
also...
there is a boy. well, everyone who reads this will know who im talking about. but i dont know what to say. im not obsessed i sware, but he has got to be the best person.
maybe its the fact that we live far away and dont have to experience each others flaws in person.
or maybe its the fact that he is the only one, that even when i think i have a total crush, i still write in my reflections that i think all i want from him is his friendship.
i couldnt ask for anything more than to hear his voice, or know what he thinks about anything/everything. he has so much conviction that one word from him could captivate my soul for an eternity. perhaps that is dramatising it a bit? but the conversations i have with him make me utterly and completely in a daze. i dont "like" this boy. that word ruins the entire meaning of he and i's friendship. if there were ever any feelings beyond friends they would be far too intense for words. no my friend, if i ever think about "us" when i am around him, it is either about how much i want to hold onto our moments forever and always be talking with him and enjoy his companionship/ friendship. or im thinking nothing, because id rather be enjoying his company than wondering what could/might have been.
there is no "what if" with him. there is no.. "does he like me? will we spend time together? will he call me? will we talk?" no.. there is only the shared moments and memories we have and more to come. when i grow up and find myself turning to god in times of need, i will always think of his shining face in the chapel that so wholeheartedly captivated my soul for those 4 weeks.