letdowns
You know how u go through those times when everything seems like its going ur way and everything is perfect?? And then of course we all know about the times when u just feel like nothing is real and u will never find happiness ever again...thats where i am right now. I just feel like i keep being disappointed. Its probably my fault though. I can only be disappointed if i get my hopes up for something that isnt going to happen. I guess we just watch all the sappy movies and listen to all the love songs and they make us feel like everything will be perfect. I realize that sometime in the future i will feel as if everything is perfect...but for right now, it just seems hopeless. Sometimes i try to tell myself to put it out of my head and that its not worth worrying about. That works for a coupld hours. And then i realized that love means more to me than anything else in this world. I guess i just dont feel like some people "get it." Im just making a generalization, im not singling anyone out, trust me. Ive seen it happen to more than one of my friends too. Whats the point of caring and worrying if people are going to realized that they could be a part of something special? The other day i was thinking about all of this, and suddenly i cared more about myself and what i want to do than i did about anything else. I wish that feeling would have lasted but i cant feel a certain way that just isnt me. I do love and care about other people. sometimes too much. But thats just who i am and how i am going to feel until the day i die. And u know what?? I am so glad that i feel that way. I would rather see someone else smiling because of me rather than looking into a mirror and seeing a smile. If u lead a life of making urself happy, u will die and be the only one with a smile on ur face (they usually do that anyway to make u look happy), but if u are fortunate enough to make someone else happy in ur lifetime, well then there will be at least two people smiling at ur funeral. I dunno, sometimes i just want to say "fuck it" and forget about everything. If i had one wish, that might be it. But for now, im just gonna do what i love doing most, makin people smile! HAHA i hope it works once in a while. Let me know if im struggling.