(no subject)
Today has been one of those days that I decided to sleep in to eleven forty-five & unleash zero will power to do anything, especially when it came to homework. I never thought five hours of sleep at night for a week would catch up with me this hard. & it's not that I didn't go to bed when I should have to or just stayed up all night, because I literally laid in bed & wished I would fall asleep. I just couldn't.
Hard facts are always a part of life. My Zambia trip has been cancelled, for about half of a month now, & I've never gotten around to really talking about it. I just kind of shrugged it off because of all the other play-outs coming up & didn't even really consider what I thought/felt about it. That's a pretty unhealthy way to handle a situation, given any circumstance. But now I'm really dwelling on the disappointment, which is also bad I feel, because I wished I would have just handled everything better. But I'm doing the best I can, & frankly, anyone who wants more from me can suck it.
I've also noticed this huge and dividing line between me/my brother & brother/his girlfriend. All of my girlie friends have told me they have crushes on Jibs, & I'm really happy that it was never mutual between him & them, because I would have made their life/lives miserable & our friendship would have ended abruptly. I just have this feeling, that I was somewhat communicating with Gleni & Heather, that I feel those sweet Speed Racer marathon days are gone, and I'm going to have to accept that two & a half hours together while eating Rita's is enough. I don't think it's fair, but I guess it's part of the deal we get in life. & there are a lot of sucky deals.
Continuing on Africa, I now have had to convert to plan B, try to fix my mind ahead, & occupy myself with other goals in mind. I've decided to spend my time with my mom while learning how to garden & can foods. I've also thought of a camping trip that is still in the forming process. I have some studying & reading I would like to do, with a million books to read before I die, & hopefully only work a day or two in the week. I hope to have my license by then, & I thought I would continue my community services at Brookmont Nursing Home.
Even though I have some good plans, some how, some way, or something always seems to get in the way. I'm not handling current happenings very well, even though I know there is a bigger plan than mine. That is why I am not piling up my questions of "why?" for any reason. Life is beautiful & it is also ugly. Sometimes I like it & sometimes I don't. I don't like what's happened. I don't like anything at all. This year has been the worst & I think it's okay to be upset & angry. Everyone should be as angry & sad as they want, but everyone should know there is a bigger picture. God, help me see the bigger picture.
Hard facts are always a part of life. My Zambia trip has been cancelled, for about half of a month now, & I've never gotten around to really talking about it. I just kind of shrugged it off because of all the other play-outs coming up & didn't even really consider what I thought/felt about it. That's a pretty unhealthy way to handle a situation, given any circumstance. But now I'm really dwelling on the disappointment, which is also bad I feel, because I wished I would have just handled everything better. But I'm doing the best I can, & frankly, anyone who wants more from me can suck it.
I've also noticed this huge and dividing line between me/my brother & brother/his girlfriend. All of my girlie friends have told me they have crushes on Jibs, & I'm really happy that it was never mutual between him & them, because I would have made their life/lives miserable & our friendship would have ended abruptly. I just have this feeling, that I was somewhat communicating with Gleni & Heather, that I feel those sweet Speed Racer marathon days are gone, and I'm going to have to accept that two & a half hours together while eating Rita's is enough. I don't think it's fair, but I guess it's part of the deal we get in life. & there are a lot of sucky deals.
Continuing on Africa, I now have had to convert to plan B, try to fix my mind ahead, & occupy myself with other goals in mind. I've decided to spend my time with my mom while learning how to garden & can foods. I've also thought of a camping trip that is still in the forming process. I have some studying & reading I would like to do, with a million books to read before I die, & hopefully only work a day or two in the week. I hope to have my license by then, & I thought I would continue my community services at Brookmont Nursing Home.
Even though I have some good plans, some how, some way, or something always seems to get in the way. I'm not handling current happenings very well, even though I know there is a bigger plan than mine. That is why I am not piling up my questions of "why?" for any reason. Life is beautiful & it is also ugly. Sometimes I like it & sometimes I don't. I don't like what's happened. I don't like anything at all. This year has been the worst & I think it's okay to be upset & angry. Everyone should be as angry & sad as they want, but everyone should know there is a bigger picture. God, help me see the bigger picture.