Going Under...
I'm overwhelmed and stressed
I've got too much on my plate and getting a bigger plate is not an option.
In all my confusion I missed a dear friends birthday ::Jenn, I'm so so very sorry. Please forgive me. Happy Belated and I'll make it up to you::
Right now I should be in Manhattan at a market America Meeting. I offically joined the company Wednesday night. And I think I'm gonna regret this.
So far the financial commitment has been nearly 600 that I currently don't have.
And the time commitment is something I just can't handle right now.
Add to that Vector...A job I've always loved iwht my heart and soul, and now that I'm back, it seem that alot of people are pushing for me to become a manager. It's really taking me alot to focus on what I'm working on and not really just go back and give it my all. It's a 4 year commitment (minimum to be a vector manager) And about a 60 hour a week time commitment. Every time I get into a Vector setting I truly realize how much I've missed that company and how much it has influenced my life.
To that add the fact that i go back to B&N next month for winter rush. I'm looking forward to it. Working at Barnes and Noble is like me playtime away from work. It de-stresses me. LOL.
To that add...I just applied for a job on craigslist for a publishing company. it's short term..like 6 weeks. about 10-20 hours a week. and they pay $11 an hour plus I get to work from home. it's not all that thrilling, but it'll put some immediate cash into my pockets if I get it.
add to that...my real estate group. I really want to focus on this. This is really what I want to throw all of my time into this year. I've got so many ideas and ways to grow the group. I want to have the ability to really change peoples lives. And I can do that with the new connections I have and with the way the group has grown. I'm excited about it, like really really excited about it! And I just hope all the members can truly understand my enthusiasm about it.
plus there's PerfectBlend, and HomeFirst solutions and Majikal Projects...
And then to top it all off, I've got personal issues to deal with
I can't stand sharing this apartment with Najari, and I'm really determined to get my own place. I have to. I play 'mommy' every fucking day. I cook, I clean, I help with homework, I make sure everyone is at work/school on time. I do laundry, I shop for groceries, I stand in as a therapist. And Najari had the fucking nerve to text me "did you clean my motherfucking crib yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??" Last night! I clean this fucking apartment twice a day! Once in the morning, and then again at night. (you'd think there wouldn't be much of a difference right...WRONG. Before Malcolm goes to bed, he will undo about half of what I've already cleaned. Add to that when Najari gets home in the morning from work and how he leaves his shit laying alll over the place ...shoes at the door...bag in the middle of the floor...shirt #1 on the table...shirt #2 on the couch, Jeans on the floor by the dresser, and what was folded on the couch now thrown to the floor so he can sleep. And if he comes in to do work...it's a wrap.)
Malcolm eats about 3/4 of the food in this house. Spends my money. He's spent half the money I've had this month. About 1K. Yet ha says that's not possilbe, until I sat him down and showed him the account statement where he spent 190 last weekend.
And he's still fucking around with other females, but tells me he loves only me and want to be with only me, and he's just stringing the other girls along because he has a 'lust' problem that he needs help for. BULLSHIT.
I'm sick of Najari and all his fucking females...
I'm sick of Najari and T trying to fuck Toya. I'm so fucking pissed at T it's not event funny. He's feeding her the same shit he told me when we were messing around and it's hurting Toya. She's a sweet girl and has been through alot already, and she doesn't need this shit.
Najari quit his Job with Kinkos. He didn't even get the other job yet...still has to go in for the second interview...and yet in all his cockiness he quits his job. now if he doesn't get this other job, then the rent doesn't get paid. And he'll be bitching at me for money.
My mom deposits 30K into an account in my name and will only give me 1K and says Merry Christmas. I ask her for $500 more and she calls me 'greedy'.
My Dr says I might have a form of epilepsy. But I'll need to get to the neurologist to be sure...they'll have to do what's known as a video EEG. They're gonna hook up a bunch of sensors to my head (kinda like and EKG) for 24 hours and then watch me on video.
I've connected the fainting spells to stress. I hadn't fainted in a while, but last night I was stressed and just dropped. Luckly I was standing over the bed and Malcolm was there. I've been weak and faint all day, just trying to hold it all together.
And I've been trying to talk to someone all day about all this stuff because I can't type it all out, but everyone is busy. Keeps cutting me off 'I'll call you back' or 'It's not that big a deal you're just over analyzing everything' Or they tell me the obvious...'you've got too much going on and you need to cut back on some of it' I really need someone who will listen and help me figure this complex shit out!
My brain is about to explode from all this shit. ( So I counted 14 things in total that all seem to want to demand the same about of time and attention from me or just problems I'm trying to deal with...and there's more than that, but I can't type it all out) I'm not complaining...at least I'm trying not to...but I just really need to vent this shit out.
I've got too much on my plate and getting a bigger plate is not an option.
In all my confusion I missed a dear friends birthday ::Jenn, I'm so so very sorry. Please forgive me. Happy Belated and I'll make it up to you::
Right now I should be in Manhattan at a market America Meeting. I offically joined the company Wednesday night. And I think I'm gonna regret this.
So far the financial commitment has been nearly 600 that I currently don't have.
And the time commitment is something I just can't handle right now.
Add to that Vector...A job I've always loved iwht my heart and soul, and now that I'm back, it seem that alot of people are pushing for me to become a manager. It's really taking me alot to focus on what I'm working on and not really just go back and give it my all. It's a 4 year commitment (minimum to be a vector manager) And about a 60 hour a week time commitment. Every time I get into a Vector setting I truly realize how much I've missed that company and how much it has influenced my life.
To that add the fact that i go back to B&N next month for winter rush. I'm looking forward to it. Working at Barnes and Noble is like me playtime away from work. It de-stresses me. LOL.
To that add...I just applied for a job on craigslist for a publishing company. it's short term..like 6 weeks. about 10-20 hours a week. and they pay $11 an hour plus I get to work from home. it's not all that thrilling, but it'll put some immediate cash into my pockets if I get it.
add to that...my real estate group. I really want to focus on this. This is really what I want to throw all of my time into this year. I've got so many ideas and ways to grow the group. I want to have the ability to really change peoples lives. And I can do that with the new connections I have and with the way the group has grown. I'm excited about it, like really really excited about it! And I just hope all the members can truly understand my enthusiasm about it.
plus there's PerfectBlend, and HomeFirst solutions and Majikal Projects...
And then to top it all off, I've got personal issues to deal with
I can't stand sharing this apartment with Najari, and I'm really determined to get my own place. I have to. I play 'mommy' every fucking day. I cook, I clean, I help with homework, I make sure everyone is at work/school on time. I do laundry, I shop for groceries, I stand in as a therapist. And Najari had the fucking nerve to text me "did you clean my motherfucking crib yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??" Last night! I clean this fucking apartment twice a day! Once in the morning, and then again at night. (you'd think there wouldn't be much of a difference right...WRONG. Before Malcolm goes to bed, he will undo about half of what I've already cleaned. Add to that when Najari gets home in the morning from work and how he leaves his shit laying alll over the place ...shoes at the door...bag in the middle of the floor...shirt #1 on the table...shirt #2 on the couch, Jeans on the floor by the dresser, and what was folded on the couch now thrown to the floor so he can sleep. And if he comes in to do work...it's a wrap.)
Malcolm eats about 3/4 of the food in this house. Spends my money. He's spent half the money I've had this month. About 1K. Yet ha says that's not possilbe, until I sat him down and showed him the account statement where he spent 190 last weekend.
And he's still fucking around with other females, but tells me he loves only me and want to be with only me, and he's just stringing the other girls along because he has a 'lust' problem that he needs help for. BULLSHIT.
I'm sick of Najari and all his fucking females...
I'm sick of Najari and T trying to fuck Toya. I'm so fucking pissed at T it's not event funny. He's feeding her the same shit he told me when we were messing around and it's hurting Toya. She's a sweet girl and has been through alot already, and she doesn't need this shit.
Najari quit his Job with Kinkos. He didn't even get the other job yet...still has to go in for the second interview...and yet in all his cockiness he quits his job. now if he doesn't get this other job, then the rent doesn't get paid. And he'll be bitching at me for money.
My mom deposits 30K into an account in my name and will only give me 1K and says Merry Christmas. I ask her for $500 more and she calls me 'greedy'.
My Dr says I might have a form of epilepsy. But I'll need to get to the neurologist to be sure...they'll have to do what's known as a video EEG. They're gonna hook up a bunch of sensors to my head (kinda like and EKG) for 24 hours and then watch me on video.
I've connected the fainting spells to stress. I hadn't fainted in a while, but last night I was stressed and just dropped. Luckly I was standing over the bed and Malcolm was there. I've been weak and faint all day, just trying to hold it all together.
And I've been trying to talk to someone all day about all this stuff because I can't type it all out, but everyone is busy. Keeps cutting me off 'I'll call you back' or 'It's not that big a deal you're just over analyzing everything' Or they tell me the obvious...'you've got too much going on and you need to cut back on some of it' I really need someone who will listen and help me figure this complex shit out!
My brain is about to explode from all this shit. ( So I counted 14 things in total that all seem to want to demand the same about of time and attention from me or just problems I'm trying to deal with...and there's more than that, but I can't type it all out) I'm not complaining...at least I'm trying not to...but I just really need to vent this shit out.