Current
YEARNINGS
- Money
- in the destined hierarchy of the father and son duality lies the crux of eternal love and rivalry. The father expects the son to make his own kingdom and become a master himself over all that he was given in childhood. Thus as the son inherits his father’s kingdom, he becomes a father himself and thru this transference of wealth the bond to our ancestors is instilled with a religious as well and economic necessity.
The Klingon king threw his child down the ladder and made him learn to climb if he were to ever return to his father.
Thus it was that the cycle has been repeated in every life, with never a triumphant return home except in the idyllic delusional menagerie. Let us name them:
-emperor of spy krypton
-pope father of knight
-Alfred pennyworth ongoing fantasy
-grandpa odette in Carolina drama
What is inherently hurtful in all of these tropes is that you are cast unprepared for the task at hand. Self reliance is the virtue to be learned but in my REALITY:
I have a learned helplessness and a father who believes me incapable of grandiose achievements that I have failed at in the past. It is my mother who casts me out into the world, and this is obviously resented by myself. What can I achieve that either will be able to understand? And what of AP? Does he stand in as some reserve angel of my super ego’s benevolence? His support is predicated on a return to the place of fantasy after death, and thus leads me ever onward to old age. To him, I have a business I have already proved myself at, and there in that fantasy I do have money. Money is parental approval. It is security for a possible spouse.
TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION:
Subject: Alfred Pennyworth. (Of my fantasy)
Founder of Gotham
Alfred
Pennyworth
Pinches pennies
Wayne
Wayne mentor
Greed
Gold
Gun
Freedom
Folding
Following
Desperate
Tooth
Missing tooth
Free fall
Free hold of yesteryear when the desperate endeavor began and it was new was a glory day of reciprocated love and discovery . It becomes banal stake and degenerate. We are gentlemen but devolve into parties and debauched shenanigans with new and newer women. I don’t know how to be this in reality but it is for the best.