Rants, rants, and a lil sumthin'
Every time I am hit with an idea that I want to blog, I go back home, open up my lappie, get distracted with something else and forget all about it. The reason I don't blog much is simple - it not for a lack of ideas. If you ever got into this over-sized head of mine, you would jump right out scared. But it is just a matter of a kick-start. Well, arite, coupled with laziness. And I figured the best way to fix this would be to actually get to penning a couple of lines. Once I rant a couple of lines out, I should be good to go. And so far, it seems to be working. Yay. So let's get the rants out of the way.
* Charlie Kaufman's best work till date is Adaptation, followed closely by Human Nature. Sure, Eternal Sunshine and Being John Malkovich were brilliantly written, but Adaptation is quite something else. Now, if you even want me to explain, this is all I have to say to you - You aint a real Kaufman fan and stop reading right here, motherfucker.
* Yes, you heard me. Motherfucker!! That is what I said. Now, if only the makers of Live Free or Die Hard had as much sense, eh? I second serioussam. PG-13 is crazy bull that they are trying to feed us. Die Hard is NOT about making a family summer blockbuster. John McTiernan - you should not have produced this one. And now cry your fuckin blood out.
* And just as silly is POTC-3. If the makers felt that the first two were big hits because of some wonderful sfx and some wonderfully shot action sequences, they are only half right. POTC is POTC because of Jack Sparrow. Giving us a movie that is devoid of Jack Sparrow's wit, but bundled with a lot of slapstick is not really cutting it. POTC-3 is THE worst movie of this year.
* Now, if you went to watch Ocean's 12 and 13 to see a good heist movie, you are an idiot. If you thought Ocean's 11 was a heist movie, well, God save you. 12 and 13 are all about fun, chemistry, inside jokes and the sheer celebration of 13 wonderful stars - well, if you think Don Cheadle and Bernie Mac are stars. If you don't think so, you did not GET the movies, and if you did not GET the movies, it aint the makers' fault.
Phew. These are to all my friends who have been giving me shit about these movies. And the first rant is for just a couple of people I know who actually know who Kaufman is. Now that we got these out of the way, the real post comes up.
Some absolute magic moments in cinema that I have seen in recent times:
*
Akash: kya kar raha hai? mard ban, be a man.
Sameer: Yes. Yes. Yeah, you are absolutely right.
Akash: Way to go. Just give it to her.
(Sameer leaves)
Akash to Sid: pitega saala.
Dil Chahta redefined hindi film making in more ways than one. While he comes off absurd playing a badly written half-baked SRK-kinda role in the second half, Aamir Khan imposes himself into Akash and comes up with one of the most memorable performances we have seen in the last few years. If only Dil Chahta Hai had been more about the 3 friends and not the boring Akash-Shalini story in the second half, this could have been a great film. But then, he is Aamir and he needs maximum footage.... Sigh.
*
Deep: We have to start work on this campaign real quick. Oh and start to practice for Jhankaar as well.
Rishi: Yeah yeah.
Neil: And Preeti?
Deep: Who?
Neil: You know Preeti. What who Preeti?
D & R: Ooooh bahut yaaraana lagta hai...
Deep: mazaak tha yaar. chal tere liye bhi kuch plan karte hain. But before that, pray that Preeti has bad taste in men.
tik.. tik.. tik.. tik..
Neil: kyon? tumhe try karna hai?
Deep: Oh no no no no Neil, tu ne kam se kam das second liye jawaab dene mein. aisa nahin hota hai, chance pe dance kar beta chance pe dance.
Neil: Hey bhagwan, mein kahan phas gaya?
Deep: phikar mat kar, kal se teri kismat badalne wali hai.
Rishi: From good to bad.
Deep: Very good, isse kehte hain chance pe dance.
Jhankaar Beats still remains one of my favorite hindi films of all time. What a debut it was from Sujoy Ghosh. An ode to RD Burman, brilliant music from the young Vishal and Shekhar and some top-notch lead performances from Suri, Bose and the ageless Ms. Chawla lift this into the realm of greatness. Well, pretty close anyway. And the dialogues are crisp, funny, cheeky and extremely day-to-day. Brilliant. Sujoy, if only you had given up on your bengali fixation and cast 2 other youngsters instead of the wooden Munshi and the even more-so Riya Sen, this could have just been a perfect debut.
*
Tyler Durden: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of his life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I ever had.
Ah, Tyler Durden. One of the most iconic screen characters ever written, this was one movie to die for. I can quote everything from "I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection" to "What do you do for a living? Why? so you can pretend you are interested?". This is a movie for the ages, never tires you even after innumerable viewings. The book, I hear, was very special. But since I am not into books, I will take the film and preserve my personal copy no matter what it takes.
*
Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa: The ring slips out of Chris' hands. Falls somewhere. There is a frantic search for it. Sunil spots the ring. Anna wants to know if he has found it yet. Sunil thinks, and finally replies in the negative. And you want to get inside the screen and give this young man a big hug. This is cinema at its purest, magical best, the annoying Phil Collins-inspired background score aside. Kundan Shah, where have you disappeared?
*
Virgil: How many soccer teams do you know that field 50-yr old men?
Danny: Rusty is not 50 years old
Turk: Yeah dude, we know Rusty is not 50
Danny: You think I am 50? Lemme ask you something. How old do you think I am?
Virgil: 52?
Danny: You think I am 52?
Virgil: 48?
..
..
..
Danny: Do I look 50 to you?
Basher: Yeah
Danny: Really?
Basher: Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up...
Ocean's 12 is brilliant, better than 11. Nuff said.
*
The beats start to play slowly in the background while the man walks in - suave, cool and smooth. The new Don is as stylish as it gets. And I was seated in a theater with 4 other guys and we were all left gaping in awe. The body language, the I-am-good-and-I-know-it stare and the world-be-damned-I-am-the-king smirk. Rethink Roshan may have the body, but this man has its language. When he walks in right before Main Hoon Don, you wish you were him. If you were one of the few who watched this without the Bachchan hangover, you probably loved it too.
Movies, films, flicks - what will I do without you....
* Charlie Kaufman's best work till date is Adaptation, followed closely by Human Nature. Sure, Eternal Sunshine and Being John Malkovich were brilliantly written, but Adaptation is quite something else. Now, if you even want me to explain, this is all I have to say to you - You aint a real Kaufman fan and stop reading right here, motherfucker.
* Yes, you heard me. Motherfucker!! That is what I said. Now, if only the makers of Live Free or Die Hard had as much sense, eh? I second serioussam. PG-13 is crazy bull that they are trying to feed us. Die Hard is NOT about making a family summer blockbuster. John McTiernan - you should not have produced this one. And now cry your fuckin blood out.
* And just as silly is POTC-3. If the makers felt that the first two were big hits because of some wonderful sfx and some wonderfully shot action sequences, they are only half right. POTC is POTC because of Jack Sparrow. Giving us a movie that is devoid of Jack Sparrow's wit, but bundled with a lot of slapstick is not really cutting it. POTC-3 is THE worst movie of this year.
* Now, if you went to watch Ocean's 12 and 13 to see a good heist movie, you are an idiot. If you thought Ocean's 11 was a heist movie, well, God save you. 12 and 13 are all about fun, chemistry, inside jokes and the sheer celebration of 13 wonderful stars - well, if you think Don Cheadle and Bernie Mac are stars. If you don't think so, you did not GET the movies, and if you did not GET the movies, it aint the makers' fault.
Phew. These are to all my friends who have been giving me shit about these movies. And the first rant is for just a couple of people I know who actually know who Kaufman is. Now that we got these out of the way, the real post comes up.
Some absolute magic moments in cinema that I have seen in recent times:
*
Akash: kya kar raha hai? mard ban, be a man.
Sameer: Yes. Yes. Yeah, you are absolutely right.
Akash: Way to go. Just give it to her.
(Sameer leaves)
Akash to Sid: pitega saala.
Dil Chahta redefined hindi film making in more ways than one. While he comes off absurd playing a badly written half-baked SRK-kinda role in the second half, Aamir Khan imposes himself into Akash and comes up with one of the most memorable performances we have seen in the last few years. If only Dil Chahta Hai had been more about the 3 friends and not the boring Akash-Shalini story in the second half, this could have been a great film. But then, he is Aamir and he needs maximum footage.... Sigh.
*
Deep: We have to start work on this campaign real quick. Oh and start to practice for Jhankaar as well.
Rishi: Yeah yeah.
Neil: And Preeti?
Deep: Who?
Neil: You know Preeti. What who Preeti?
D & R: Ooooh bahut yaaraana lagta hai...
Deep: mazaak tha yaar. chal tere liye bhi kuch plan karte hain. But before that, pray that Preeti has bad taste in men.
tik.. tik.. tik.. tik..
Neil: kyon? tumhe try karna hai?
Deep: Oh no no no no Neil, tu ne kam se kam das second liye jawaab dene mein. aisa nahin hota hai, chance pe dance kar beta chance pe dance.
Neil: Hey bhagwan, mein kahan phas gaya?
Deep: phikar mat kar, kal se teri kismat badalne wali hai.
Rishi: From good to bad.
Deep: Very good, isse kehte hain chance pe dance.
Jhankaar Beats still remains one of my favorite hindi films of all time. What a debut it was from Sujoy Ghosh. An ode to RD Burman, brilliant music from the young Vishal and Shekhar and some top-notch lead performances from Suri, Bose and the ageless Ms. Chawla lift this into the realm of greatness. Well, pretty close anyway. And the dialogues are crisp, funny, cheeky and extremely day-to-day. Brilliant. Sujoy, if only you had given up on your bengali fixation and cast 2 other youngsters instead of the wooden Munshi and the even more-so Riya Sen, this could have just been a perfect debut.
*
Tyler Durden: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of his life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I ever had.
Ah, Tyler Durden. One of the most iconic screen characters ever written, this was one movie to die for. I can quote everything from "I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection" to "What do you do for a living? Why? so you can pretend you are interested?". This is a movie for the ages, never tires you even after innumerable viewings. The book, I hear, was very special. But since I am not into books, I will take the film and preserve my personal copy no matter what it takes.
*
Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa: The ring slips out of Chris' hands. Falls somewhere. There is a frantic search for it. Sunil spots the ring. Anna wants to know if he has found it yet. Sunil thinks, and finally replies in the negative. And you want to get inside the screen and give this young man a big hug. This is cinema at its purest, magical best, the annoying Phil Collins-inspired background score aside. Kundan Shah, where have you disappeared?
*
Virgil: How many soccer teams do you know that field 50-yr old men?
Danny: Rusty is not 50 years old
Turk: Yeah dude, we know Rusty is not 50
Danny: You think I am 50? Lemme ask you something. How old do you think I am?
Virgil: 52?
Danny: You think I am 52?
Virgil: 48?
..
..
..
Danny: Do I look 50 to you?
Basher: Yeah
Danny: Really?
Basher: Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up...
Ocean's 12 is brilliant, better than 11. Nuff said.
*
The beats start to play slowly in the background while the man walks in - suave, cool and smooth. The new Don is as stylish as it gets. And I was seated in a theater with 4 other guys and we were all left gaping in awe. The body language, the I-am-good-and-I-know-it stare and the world-be-damned-I-am-the-king smirk. Rethink Roshan may have the body, but this man has its language. When he walks in right before Main Hoon Don, you wish you were him. If you were one of the few who watched this without the Bachchan hangover, you probably loved it too.
Movies, films, flicks - what will I do without you....