(no subject)
Just came back from Junior's funeral... *sighs* Lots of people were there, a lot who I'd never seen before in my entire life. I was trying to hard not to cry, but broke down when I walked into the room and saw the casket... True, Junior and I haven't really hung out in a long time... But both he and his brother Raymond have a special place in my heart, and they always will. There was a special bond there created so many years ago that can never be broken, ever... I remember the days when we were younger, and they always slept over the house and stuff. Or when Junior and I went to Jr. High together... He was the senior, and I was the freshman... Of course, people always wanted to pick on me, but he was always there to help me out, even got his friends to look out for me. Always had my back covered.
There was also the time when my father was in a bad mood, and decided to come home bitching to me about school... Junior told him to cool off and stop yelling at me, because even though I made my fair share of mistakes when it came to school, at least I was still trying. And besides, it could've been a whole lot worse. But he said I was a good girl, and I wasn't using drugs, or sleeping around and shit like that like most of the other girls from the neighborhood. He hung out with my father, sister, and my cousin Ray more than he did with me, but he was still really cool with me, you know? We grew up together.
Even my mom was heartbroken... She knew him for years. Me and my sister Tiara grew up with him and Raymond, and even my father hung out with him a lot and brought him to the house. She remembers whenever he came to the house, he always wanted water... Said her water was the best because it was filtered. It seems like such a small memory, but fond nonetheless.
We were only there for about an hour or so, my mom told me we should go because my father wasn't taking it well since he was so close to Junior. He was about to break down completely... I told her to give me 2 minutes and she did. In those 2 minutes, I went to say a little prayer at the casket... Touched Junior's hands... God, the horrible sensation when you feel that cold, dead flesh... It sent such a chill through my whole body. And to see him just lying there, so pale and lifeless... I could see the makeup they put on him to make him a bit more presentable... Another thing I noticed was a locke of hair beside him. At first I didn't know who it belonged to, but when we got home, my mom told me that the hair was what got to her the most. It was Ray's hair... The story behind that was that they were always getting on Ray to cut his long hair so they could recognize him and see his face. Ray cut his hair, tied it up with some hair ties, and put it in the casket.... It was so heartbreaking, especially considering how Ray was with his hair. Never wanted to cut it, it was his pride and joy, you could say.
In the back of the room, Gabby was telling me that she may not go back to Dewey next year... I asked why, and she said that her mother wants to move this summer and get the hell out. I'll miss them, but I can't blame her the least bit... Hell, I can't wait for my turn to get out.
When we went outside to leave, I asked Raymond if I could talk with him for a moment. I took his hand and took him off to the side... First I told him how sorry I was for his loss, then I reminded him of how we grew up together, and although there were a lot of things that made us drift apart over the years, he and his brother always have a special place in my heart. "This didn't have to happen... Junior was murdered in cold blood over something so stupid and pointless when he could have been so much more... Raymond, baby... I love you so much just like I did your brother. Please, stop what you're doing... I don't need to lose you too. Nor does your mother or sister. No mother should have to bury her child, and Gabby... You're the only big brother she has left now, and she needs you. please Raymond, shape up and get your life together... I don't want to see you going down that road. Don't break my heart..." He listened to me and said that I wasn't going to lose him... saidh e would fix his life. There's no guarantee he'll follow through, though... So many people always tried talking to him but he never listened. I said my piece, though. Now I can only hope.
Broke my heart when he told me he loved me too, and we just stood there hugging for awhile. I hope he doesn't face the same fate as his brother...