(no subject)
Last night I had a long conversation with Chris's dad... About an hour an a half. As much as I was hurting, and still am... I learned a lot about him, and was able to find some comfort in what I was told.
First off, it turns out that Chris died because of a physical condition he had never told me about... When I asked why he never told me, I was told that it was because Chris was afraid of losing me. I never would have let that get in the way of anything... But I don't think I can fully describe this. The best I can do is show bits and pieces of the conversation.
DK Angel 464: Tammy?
Cry of the Drae: hey ash this is chris's dad will you talk to me
DK Angel 464: Yes
Cry of the Drae: Ashley I know tammy has all ready told you that chris is heaven now
DK Angel 464: I just read her email today...
Cry of the Drae: I wanted you to know a few things about him that you did not know
DK Angel 464: Like what?...
Cry of the Drae: First of all Chris was a borned again christian and loved Jesus very much
Cry of the Drae: And when he died he went to heaven to be with Him
Cry of the Drae: But when chris was here he had very few friends
Cry of the Drae: I want you to know how special you were to him
DK Angel 464: It's hard for me to think that there were so many people out there that didn't know how great he was...
Cry of the Drae: You see chris had some physical problems and he was afraid people would not accept him for who he was just look at him and not take a chance to get to know him
Cry of the Drae: He did not tell you because he did not know what he had
Cry of the Drae: He was afraid to tell you because he did not want to loose you. He considered you his girlfriend
Cry of the Drae: And I can tell you that when he told you he loved you he really did.
DK Angel 464: I never would have let that interfere with anything... I could never turn my back on him because of something like that, I loved him for who he was... not for anything else. I wish I had known...
Cry of the Drae: I wanted to assure him that if there was feelings there that his condition would not matter. But he did not want to chance your relationship
DK Angel 464: If I would have turned away because of that, then I wouldn't be worth his feelings. I know I told him that I loved him... I just wish I could have told him just how much I did... That he meant so much to me. I wish I would have gotten to say goodbye... I've been thinking about him a lot, then to suddenly come home and get an email from his sister...
Cry of the Drae: It was very sudden he was not sick but had started having trouble breathing a couple days ago
Cry of the Drae: Thursday morning I was with him about 5:30 am when he started to reallt struggle. We started to pray and he found peace. He told me he could not fight anymore took 2 breaths and went to heaven
Cry of the Drae: His mother and I did CPR and he camed back be just for about 30 seconds and left again and did not come back
Cry of the Drae: Chris was my son my best friend and my buddy. I will miss him very much but having the knowledge that one day I will see him again in heaven will help me get through this time
DK Angel 464: I am so sorry for your loss... I wish I were there with the family so we could all help each other through this. Your son was a wonderful person, and I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that despite his physical limitations, he helped to inspire people to better themselves... There is a friend named Kai we both have. Kai had so many problems, and he and chris started off badly... but in the end they became friends because your son was able to see past Kai's touch barrier and get to know the real
DK Angel 464: Kai... He was a good friend to him, and now he is doing good for himself. Your son was truely amazing
Cry of the Drae: Chris mention Kai to me and we spent a lot of time praying for him. Chris was a great prayer warrior and he knew how to get results with his prayers
Cry of the Drae: When heard what kai was going through he asked me if Kai could come and live with us
DK Angel 464: Really?
Cry of the Drae: I told him yes
Cry of the Drae: But then he said that he felt that if Kai camd down here the he would never make peace with his dad. Chris prayed long and hard for Kai to make peace with his dad. He wanted Kai to have the kind of relationship with his dad like chris and I had
DK Angel 464: Well... his father got into a car accident right in front of Kai, and he is currently in the hosptial. We dont know if he is going to make it.. But I got him to talk to his father. They dont have a relationship, but Kai did get everything out rather than holding it all inside. He's doing so good for himself. He graduated at the top of the class in high school with awards, perfect scores on his SATs, and he is a student in college now... NYU. kai never met Chris, but we spoke a lot, and he told me that if
DK Angel 464: they eve did meet, Kai would get on his knees and tell Chris that he loves him. He found it within himself to forgive Kai for everything he did... and to be there for him
Cry of the Drae: Chris was a very forgiving person
DK Angel 464: I know... thats one of the things I loved about him. It has always been hard for me to find people like that...
Cry of the Drae: Ashley I want you to know that Chris and I prayed together every night
Cry of the Drae: And we prayed for our family
Cry of the Drae: And he said dad please include Ashley in our family prayers
Cry of the Drae: So I did and I want you to I will continue to pray for your protection and safety and for Gods Love to be strong around you if that ok
DK Angel 464: I would really like that
Cry of the Drae: Ashley I know that chris is not in my past he is in my future
Cry of the Drae: I will be with Chris in heaven and I hope he will see you there because You were the Love of his life
DK Angel 464: I never knew that I meant so much to him... It makes me feel good to know the truth. Thank you so much
Cry of the Drae: I want you to know that My wife and I want to thank you and tell you that we know that God had placed you in Chris's life at the right time
Cry of the Drae: He was at a low pont after what the other girlfriend had done to him but then you gave him a chance and it made a huge difference in his life
Cry of the Drae: Thats great. I want you to know that I love you because chirs was a great disserner of people and he loved you so I know you are a great young lady and again thanks for everything that you did for Chris during the time you knew him
Cry of the Drae: Ans please call us so we can talk there so much more I would love to share with you about the one we both loved so much
DK Angel 464: Of course I will call... I have every intention of doing so. As for what I did for Chris, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I am working on a website in tribute to him... so is Kai, we are doing it together. I'm not done yet, but check it out anyway and tell me what you think so far.
www.freewebs.com/bleedingxheart